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Fuck the iPhone
The iPhone is a piece of shit, and so is your face. No, I'm not going to get an iPhone, quit emailing me about it. I'm not getting one because I already have a phone that's better: it's called the Nokia E70, it's the pinnacle of human achievement, and I love it more than my family. You've probably never heard of the E70 because Nokia's marketing team is busy finding every last dick in the universe to suck, so I'm going to do their job for them and tell you about this product. And no, I'm not being paid to do this. I'm just tired of the iPhone fanboys shooting huge sticky wads and high-fiving each other (literally) over their stupid cellphones. First of all, the E70 has a full keyboard, not some shitty stripped down, tap-and-pray smudgy piece of shit. Nokia uses a technology that's even more advanced than the iPhone's tap screen, allowing you to actually feel the keys you press as you're pressing them! The technology is called "tactile response," and it allows you to do things like dial a phone number without staring at your screen like a shit-chucking ape. In fact, every other cellphone ever made has this technology, sometimes called "buttons." This keyboard will not only stomp your colon, but the colons of distant relatives of the human species such as lagomorphs, and hypothetical colons of children you haven't even had yet. Want to type a backslash? No problem. Ampersand? You bet your ass. On an iPhone, you have to press an additional button that opens up an alternate keypad that will allow you to type numbers and punctuation. So typing something as simple as elipses (...) requires you to tap your finger 9 times. Enjoy your phone, losers! People like me who have shit to do will stick to a keyboard that doesn't have its lips wrapped firmly to the user-interface equivalent of a throbbing dong. Shitty. When the iPhone was first announced, CEO Steve Jobs spewed enough BS to cover a football field full of babies 3 feet deep in bullshit, which sounds cool because he could have potentially murdered a football field full of babies, but he passed on this opportunity by introducing the phone instead. He claimed that the phone was three devices in one: an iPod, a phone, and an "Internet communications device." Oooh, an Internet communications device?! AWESOME! It's not three devices in one any more than my laptop is you morons. Using Jobs' loose definition of what constitutes a separate device, technically my laptop can be considered 8 devices in one:
An "Internet communications device"
A phone (I can make voice calls with my modem)
A pornographic media storage device
A video player
A word processor
And an "iPod" (see below)
There's no such thing as an iPod. The word "iPod" is a marketing tool for a hard drive with software that plays mp3s. Yeah, doesn't sound so sexy now, does it you chimps? And an "internet communications device" is officially the douchebaggiest way of saying "it has a browser." So actually it's just a phone that plays mp3s and has a browser. SNORE. The Nokia E70 not only plays mp3s, video, has a full browser and Wi-Fi, IMAP and POP3 email, and Google Maps, but you can even run terminal software to telnet or SSH into remote servers. What that means in non-geek is that my phone is invincible. I can literally do anything. I can reboot my web server if I want, and sometimes I do just because I can: All of this power from a phone that's over a year old, and it only costs $360. Even the browser kicks ass. There you have it: the most objective comparison of two cellphones ever made. I think I'll take the rest of the afternoon off and copy and paste text on my cellphone because I can. 6,092,135 people who bought an iPhone hadn't heard of the Nokia E70 until now because Nokia's marketing team is too busy tossing salad to get the word out.
On the contrary utter buffoon? What is on the contrary you absolutely shitheaded drooling brainless excrement filled cranial cavity with legs and arms? Nothing but your own sedated comatose myopic model of reality is on the contrary, everything of what I said is on point, if you're going to argue at least support your assertions, the fact that you just think you can assert "on the contrary" with zero evidence and counterarguments and just long-windedly namecall shows that you are an utter buffoon you projecting shithead. Take a freaking joke? What joke? Where was there a joke you brainfarting idiot? There was never a joke, a person being idiotic and wrong doesn't mean it is a joke, for instance you now are being idiotic and wrong so don't say you were JuSt JoKiNg BrO. You are literally too shallow to even see how deep I drown you. It is not okay to call someone retarded just because they insulted me? What? It absolutely is ok, you really can't be this retarded you must be trolling, if you place sensitivity on any word used as an insult then logic would dictate you can insult back with any word, and I am not calling them retarded because they 'insulted' me, I am calling them retarded because they are being retarded, they never insulted me in the first place, I called them retarded on my first comment and then on the second for confirming their retardation. But how would you know that when your IQ is single digits and can't follow a thread or read. Also, how would I know what? That the wrong BS you said and I just refuted is wrong? Well because I have a brain which has far more brainpower in a single synapse than you have in the entirety of yours. And how does one physical appearance relates to knowledge anyhow? One can be the most ugly and fat guy in the existence and still read, think and know stuff, you are retarded for correlating the two. My jabba the hut body? Really, I can feel you burning out from here, that SICK BURN must have taken you ages to construct, I appreciate it, good work, but no I am perfectly fit, in fact willing to bet I am skinnier than you. As for the continued cliche of "mother's basement" what else do I need to say to that, I feel like you are the disabled kid at football games that the entire team aids in scoring a touchdown except I pretend that your moronic cookie cutter insults that come out of a cum stained 90s internet teen insult manual are sick burns to make life more bearable for you and your disabled sense of insulting. I don't live in my mother's basement nor do I eat tendies or have anime waifu pillows, I am financially independent since 16, and I have never owned a bodypillow. Why would I need a body pillow when I have an organic cum sock, oh wait that's just your mother, pardon. Mt dew scented axe body spray? Do you realize how retarded and nonsensical that sounds? There is no axe body spray with such scent, and mt dew doesn't release scent, even I am making a case for you to not sound retarded and say if you are trying to imply that I clumsily drink so much mt dew that it dries on my hands and everything I touch with or spill it on, including an axe body spray even then it would be a lame insult (far greater than yours but still lame), and that would at least make sense but you didn't say nor imply that. Do us a favor? Us who bitch, it is only one moron speaking, you, us who? Refer to yourself as me, not us unless you suffer from BPD or you are such a SUB-average redditor that you actually have convinced yourself you belong in a hivemind. As for me getting in front of the mirror, I get and I am miring this absolute Chad look I have in my fierce filled with visceral passion and life eyes. And I ask myself that, and I understand that the answer to that question is fuck yeah but I wouldn't simp for her even if she wasn't. "Then just shut up." Sure, because Einstein, Bohr, Wittgenstein would shut up upon being told to do so by a low IQ nano sized argumentless wrong illogical brain of a lesser being. Bro, shut the fuck up and take the shit that dropped out of your lobotomy hole back in, you shithead. And you call me utter buffoon? I am beyond God to you you filth.
On the contrary utter buffoon? What is on the contrary you absolutely shitheaded drooling brainless excrement filled cranial cavity with legs and arms? Nothing but your own sedated comatose myopic model of reality is on the contrary, everything of what I said is on point, if you're going to argue at least support your assertions, the fact that you just think you can assert "on the contrary" with zero evidence and counterarguments and just long-windedly namecall shows that you are an utter buffoon you projecting shithead. Take a freaking joke? What joke? Where was there a joke you brainfarting idiot? There was never a joke, a person being idiotic and wrong doesn't mean it is a joke, for instance you now are being idiotic and wrong so don't say you were JuSt JoKiNg BrO. You are literally too shallow to even see how deep I drown you. It is not okay to call someone retarded just because thet insulted me? What? It absolutely is ok, you really can't be this retarded you must be trolling, if you place sensitivity on any word used as an insult then logic would dictate you can insult back with any word, and I am not calling them retarded because they 'insulted' me, I am calling them retarded because they are being retarded, they never insulted me in the first place, I called them retarded on my first comment and then on the second for confirming their retardation. But how would you know that when your IQ is single digits. Also how would I know what? That the wrong BS you said and I just refuted is wrong? Well because I have a brain which has far more brainpower in a single synapse than you have in the entirety of yours. Ans how does one physical appearance relates to knowledge anyhow? One can be the most ugly and fat guy in the existence and still read, think and know stuff, you are retarded for correlating the two. My jabba the hut body? Really, I can feel you burning out from here, that SICK BURN must have taken you ages to construct, I appreciate it, good work, but no I am perfectly fit, in fact willing to bet I am skinnier than you. As for the continued cliche of "mother's basement" what else do I need to say to that, I feel like you are the disabled kid at football games that the entire team aids in scoring a touchdown except I pretend that your moronic cookie cutter insults that come out of a cum stained 90s internet teen insult manual are sick burns to make life more bearable for you ans your disabled sense of insulting. I don't live in my mother's basement nor do I eat tendies or have anime waifu pillows, I am financially independent since 16, and I have never owned a bodypillow. Why would I need a body pillow when I have an organic cum sock, oh wait that's just your mother, pardon. Mt dew scented axe body spray? Do you realize how retarded and nonsensical that sounds? There is no axe body spray with such scent, and mt dew doesn't release scent, even I am making a case for you to not sound retarded and say if you are trying to imply that I clumsily drink so much mt dew that it dries on my hands and everything I touch with or spill it on, including an axe body spray even then it would be a lame insult (far greater than yours but still lame), and that would at least make sense but you didn't say nor imply that. Do us a favor? Us who bitch, it is only one moron speaking, you, us who? Refer to yourself as me, not us unless you suffer from BPD or you are such a SUB-average redditor that you actually have convinced yourself you belong in a hivemind. As for me getting in front of the mirror, I get and I am miring this absolute Chad look I have in my fierce filled with visceral passion and life eyes. And I ask myself that, and I understand that the answer to that question is fuck yeah but I wouldn't simp for her even if she wasn't. "Then just shut up." Sure, because Einstein, Böhr, Wittgenstein would shut up upon being told to do so by a low IQ nano sized argumentless wrong illogical brain of a lesser being. Bro, shut the fuck up and take the shit that dropped out of your lobotomy hole back in, you shithead. And you call me utter buffoon? I am beyond God to you you filth.
We have reached the halfway point of 2020. Looking back at this point, don’t get me wrong except I’m tempted to migrate from the America I see and read about today.
Fair warning ⚠️ - I intend to neither sound like a Mr. Rogers’ wannabe nor work any angle like an average joe politician, which is not what I want to pursue as a career, to perhaps reflect on the halfway point of this year. To be honest I try to avoid using my voice on social media because one - I’m afraid to use the wrong words by accident that I don’t want to get the wrong message out (my writing isn’t good). 2 - words don’t always help enough in any situation. 3 - employers will always interpret it in whatever BS hypocritical way to find reason not to hire me. Anyway I’m going to be straight to the point to say that it’s no secret we’re struggling and suffering in the modern world after...
The Australia Wildfires (even though it does not affect the US directly, but the world on an environment scale)
The sightings of ‘Murder Hornets’ in the Northwestern region
Sports being cancelled or postponed for almost a whole year
The planned vacations that we lost to travel restrictions
The graduation ceremonies that high schoolers and college students lost the moment to celebrate with family and friends in person
The Ravaging COVID-19 pandemic
The climbing unemployment rate
The escalating riots and protests in wake of the tragedies surrounding George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Rayshard Brooks, and Ahmad Arbury for whom I pray justice is sought and their families are doing alright through this difficult time period.
I’m no sociologist but I can tell from a certain point of view that moral has hit an all time low across the country. Trust is broken yet again in both the process and amongst the communities. Confidence is declining. Hope is shaken up. It may sound dramatic but if you put those emotions and the listed tragedies together into one pot, then it feels like the whole world is on 🔥; where everyday we unfortunately live in this fantasy that details the world is dramatically ending because I cannot fight back the burnt pain of mitigated bad news, restrictions, recessions, debts, and more bad news. That paradigm I laid out makes me afraid to even try and want to live in this country anymore. Marcus Aurelius said to Maximus in the movie ‘Gladiator’ about a dream that was Rome and anything more than a whisper it will vanish. It was so fragile that he was afraid it would not survive the winter. In a way, I’m experiencing that same feeling for the United States. I realize the America I was born into is slowly dying amidst the chaos that is being promoted by biased media outlets who mitigate the truth to their own agenda and politicians - regardless of sides - who always add more fire to the flame of disorder. I doubt anyone will continue reading my post after I make this statement public....for I admit I am a registered Republican. I’m sorry if I offend you that I’m going out on a limb to say it DOES NOT mean everyone, including me, in the party are racist nor are all cops bad in that same sense. However I know deep down no matter what I say or attempt to convince at this point it won’t be enough for people to understand. With that in mind (if you’re still reading) comes to my main point. The idea may sound exaggerated, not that anyone would care to dissuade me, but I‘m really tempted to move to Europe or anywhere outside the USA whether I get a job or not there. It would be for the sake of being safe from what I see is now a hyper-polarized nation. I originally wanted to seek a career in sports for I believe the foundation unites people in any setting more than politics. Now I’m debating whether to stay. Football players may plan to take a knee against the anthem. Closed up small businesses are paying the price for damages due to the riots. From the stories I’ve read in the past, people who wear MAGA gear or say anything close to the right will be verbally targeted on sight out of spite. To clarify, my relocation intentions would be to not renounce or insult my homeland in any way deemed unpatriotic. I will sound like a coward for I would only rather go into “self-imposed exile” because I’m afraid that if I say to everyone “I’m a Republican” then I already know friends will turn against me and I will be treated like a pariah wherever I go. I do not care whether I live out the days alone or not, it’s better off that way than waking up everyday to hide my fear of being socially persecuted, whether by people in the workplace or close peers within my community, for some of my beliefs I do hold dear in a growing world of less empathy. I know I sound like I’m a runaway child. I bet the notion is overwhelmingly pessimistic, but in a way, I’m sure the majority would agree that the America today would be better off without one more person like me.
[S] Swoldow's Survivor: Barbados - Fans vs Favorites III
Bringing back one of the best themes for one last spin, we yet again have 10 fans of the show, facing off against 10 of their favorite players ever, suggested by you the viewer. Will the faves steamroll the fans again, or will a fan rise up and win their first time? Find out below! MEET THE CAST: Fanatik Tribe:
Jace has been poor for the majority of his life, and his eccentric personality alienated himself from his own family. When he moved out, he tried to become a pilot, but poor math skills prevented him from doing that. He then settled for being an Uber driver, believing it to be the closest thing to a pilot he could manage.
Kyle wants to handle Survivor just like a poker game. He was taught as a kid that it’s always better to listen rather than talk and that’s why he became successful at poker. He's going to use other's information against them and play a subtle, yet cutthroat game.
Originally, Lucas was born and raised in Australia. After college, he was drafted to compete in the Australian football league where he played in for over 10 years. After those years, he married his wife in America where they settled down and now have a son. He’s looking forward to show these people how an Aussie plays Survivor.
Mac was legally born Monica Shifflett, but when he was in his teens, he realised he should have been born a boy. For about half a decade he had surgery and hormone blockers, and he now calls himself a man. He has been happier of his operation as it led him to finding his wife, having a child, and making lots of friends. He is here to win the money for his family, and spread awareness for trans people. He is hoping to win immunities and pull of big moves, as he wants to be the first fan to win this show.
After his reviews of some of the earlier Survivor seasons became popular on the Internet, Max became a well-known reality TV critic and later branched out into reviews of all kinds of television shows. But Survivor has always been his main love, and now he wants to see how he'd do at the game.
Monique is a bold, strong, and very opinionated woman. She comes off usually one way or the other - there's usually not in an in-between with her. She can definitely be a little intense on occasion, but she also knows how to use her charm to her advantage. In Monique's free time, Survivor has been her favorite show to watch. She loves the competition and strategy and, hell, she loves the blindsides most of all. Coming into the game, she will be an extremely aggressive gameplayer, not holding anything back. It remains to be seen how well it will serve her in the game.
Olivia has always been complemented on her smarts, and loves that about herself. She sees herself as a goddess and is completely self-absorbed, but she has a way to manipulate people through her rash commentary. She also has a more caring side when she’s with animals, making her more human.
Tianna tries to live life to the fullest. Getting into dangerous situations and messy relationships hasn't deterred her from being spontaneous and ready for anything. Her easy adaptability she picked up from her time in New York will be her biggest asset.
A superfan of the show, Tortia wants to use her likable personality to carry her through the game, though her naivety might be her downfall. She hopes her strategic and social game can integrate her among both the fans, and the favorites.
Growing up Zoey would always be focused on her goals, and how to achieve them. Studying astrology really helps her in her daily life she can read others body language and she is quick to notice a lot of things. She thinks that her nice personality can help her have a really good mental game and she is ready to succeed in her survivor journey.
Bailey Thayer, from Worlds Apart (Placement: 2nd)
Most Known For: Being one of the founders of the daredevils alliance, who made a variety of subtle and under-the-radar moves, and won her way to the end in a firemaking challenge, but lost to Kennedi due to having more friends on the jury.
Crystal 'Cris' Brooke, from Egypt (Placement: 11th)
Most Known For: Starting on the bottom of her tribe without an alliance, and losing her one and only friend very early on, but getting swapped into a position where she could flip on her, and she took the option, flipping on Double D and Tarra, but being blindsided due to her unpredictability.
Demi Bourbon, from Koah Rong (Placement: 5th)
Most Known For: Starting off in the best possible spot on her tribe, with a loyal alliance, and a showmance, and being in control of the majority of the votes during the merge, and having a huge possibility of winning the whole game, until Jack unfortunately idoled her out.
Elden Ulrich, from Maui (Placement: 5th)
Most Known For: Being an underdog who lost both of his starting allies during the pre-merge, and first merge tribal respectively, forcing him to have to successfully integrate into people he voted against, and making it all the way to the final five with a numbers advantage over Fawn and JamiRose, but ultimately getting taken out by JamiRose's idol play.
Giuseppe 'Seppe' Milano, from Worlds Apart (Placement: 5th)
Most Known For: Starting the game as a swing vote, who managed to integrate himself into a new majority after Jay blindsided his own allies, and being one of the two white collars who made the merge, making it to the top five after negating a unanimous idol play that spawned from losing her ally to rocks.
Jack Wolfe, from Koah Rong (Placement: 4th)
Most Known For: Getting the highest amount of votes in a single season at 22, and being targeted at nearly every merge tribal by the minority, due to being so hateable as a person, and eventually, when getting turned on at final five, playing an idol and taking out huge social threat Demi in the process.
Michelle Hwang, from Cagayan (Placement: 3rd)
Most Known For: Being apart of the dominant brain tribe trio of her, Evan, and Isiah, and managing to overcome all adversity and make the final three with her two allies, but falling short when the final tribal format returned to a final two, leading Isiah to take her out due to being a jury threat, and due to his bond with Evan.
Paris Kowalski, from San Juan del Sur (Placement: 7th)
Most Known For: Losing her closest ally due to someone flipping on her alliance to avoid a rock draw, but surviving long, and playing an idol a tribal later to get someone from the majority out, being an integral part of Vince and Allegra's blindsides, but getting her time cut short due to a vicious idol play orchestrated by Khalid.
Prathamesh 'Prat' Singh, from Caramoan (Placement: 11th)
Most Known For: Playing from the bottom for the entire game, and losing his number one ally during the fans' very first tribal, where he managed to lay low and let others be taken out over him, and ending up in an even worse spot at the swap, but playing an idol that eliminated favorite Tori. Now that he is in her position, will he share the same fate?
Steve Piles, from South Pacific (Placement: 4th)
Most Known For: Winning an impressive four immunities, which brought him all the way to the final four, and being a huge reason in his tribe avoiding tribals during the pre-merge, but ultimately getting screwed over by Shaun's persuasion skills, after he was seen as too big of a threat to make final three.
THE SEASON:http://brantsteele.net/survivocaramoan/r.php?c=e1TdI0XD Episode 1: Ten players are all boated to a remote beach in the Barbados island, with one commonality; they are all superfans of the show. Upon getting there, these fans immediately start speculating who they are up against, and they are filled with a nostalgia trip when the favorites come in one by one, for one final matchup between fans and favorites. At the Fanatik tribe, the fans get busy building the shelter, but as the shelter goes up, alliances already start to form. Jace and Kyle develop a mutual relationship, and the two plan to build a strong four person alliance. They both admit to eachother they are mental players, so they decide to look for physical players they can easily control and have them do their dirty work. Upon hearing everyone's occupations, they decide to rope in Lucas and Tianna to form a four person group. Monique and Tortia realize what is going on, and are immediately thrust into hopping on the alliance train. Monique sees Zoey as a huge meatshield, as her field of study could mark her as a threat. Tortia also grows close with Mac, and another four person alliance forms. Max and Olivia are the only people without allies, due to people being scared of Max's reputation as a reviewer, and Olivia's rashness has made people distant from her. The favorites at Renmen start getting a bit more particular on who they want to work with. Paris knows that there are two duos with pre-existing relationships: Bailey and Seppe, and Demi and Jack. She also knows that both duos don't exactly like eachother very much, so Paris immediately starts to bond with Bailey and Demi, and an all girls alliance forms between the three of them. Meanwhile, Prat and Seppe don't want to start the game in the minority, like what happened their first time playing, so the two of them rope in Elden, who doesn't exactly trust Seppe, but is glad he has a solid group, and another three person alliance is formed. Cris, Michelle, Jack, and Steve are on the outs, but for different reasonings. Cris is scared of her position on a tribe with other good players, and is too scared to actually bond with anyone, and Michelle and Steve are seen as too big of threats to keep around. Michelle is the most strategic person on that beach, and Steve is the most physical, so naturally, nobody wants them to get far. Jack is just a naturally shifty and untrustworthy guy, and just like his first time, wasn't approached by anyone for an alliance. He doesn't care however, and sneaks out to find an idol on day 1 yet again, finding it successfully. Fanatik wins the first immunity, sending Renmen to tribal council. Right off the bat, everyone starts strategizing, and wanting a voting block, Michelle ropes in a foursome of the tribe's outsiders of her, Cris, Jack, and Steve, wanting Seppe to be the first one to go. Cris, wanting a good spot in a group, and not fully trusting Michelle and Jack, however, decides to try and get in good graces with everyone, by telling Seppe and Demi what Michelle is planning. Not wanting a four person faction to overpower their smaller alliances, both Seppe and Demi alert this to their alliances, and both alliances meet up to try and get Michelle out, as she is the one leading the charge against everyone else. After Paris gets knowledge that Cris was the one who told them of the plan, Paris and Cris have a side-conversation, where Paris thanks Cris for providing her with knowledge, and she would gladly let her into the all-girls alliance. Cris is overjoyed she has a group of people to rely on, and promises she will vote with them. Steve begins to notice how close Cris is getting with Paris, Demi, and Bailey, and gets skeptical. He asks Michelle if they can change the plan to Cris, as she seems suspicious, but Michelle is adamant about voting for Seppe. Steve decides to vote for Cris anyway. At tribal, Michelle is sent home in a 7-2-1 vote. Episode 2: After the tribal, Cris is overly grateful to Paris for letting her into the group, but Bailey and Demi have a side-conversation, saying that they believe Paris is playing way too hard, too early, and both girls grow to trust her less due to her backdoor deals. Meanwhile, the alliance of Seppe, Prat, and Elden is glad Cris snitched on Michelle, as now she is made out to look like an untrustworthy fool in front of the others on the bottom that put their trust into her. Jack berates Cris for blindsiding him, and Cris apologizes, but now wants to work with him less. On Fanatik, Jace manages to sneak out and find his tribe's idol, and while he's gone, Tianna and Lucas start to second guess their position in the tribe. They believe they could be potentially be set up by Jace and Kyle, and both no longer trust them, dissolving the alliance. Zoey also is only talking game to people, instead of trying to get to know them, and is playing way too hard right out of the gate, which rubs everyone the wrong way. Fanatik wins their second individual immunity, sending the favorites back to tribal. Bailey, Demi, and Paris immediately meet up and discuss their next plan, and they agree that instead of targeting the outsiders, the three of them need to try and topple the opposing alliance of Seppe, Elden, and Prat. The three girls talk to Cris about the vote, and Cris is willing to vote for someone from said alliance. They debate on who to target, and the four of them agree that Elden is the biggest threat compared to Seppe and Prat, as he is both strategic and physical, which can be a deadly combination. Meanwhile, Seppe, Prat, and Elden all believe that the three of them can monopolize on the fact that Cris blindsided Jack and Steve, and try to convince them to vote out Cris. Both Cris and Seppe approach Jack and Steve with their respective plans, and the outcasts are suddenly the ones in control of the vote. Despite Jack wanting to get his revenge on Cris, Steve tells him that if they can get out Elden, one of the alliances has less power, and they get two easy votes for any other pre-merge tribals they go to, that likely wont be them, as they will be needed for challenge wins. Jack reluctantly agrees, and Elden is voted out in a 6-3 vote. Episode 3: Seppe and Prat are shocked over what happened at tribal. They thought there was a 100% chance Jack and Steve would vote with them, but now they both know not to trust him. Given that the next vote is either one of them, or Jack and Steve, both Seppe and Prat decide that they have to make sure the votes go to Jack if they go to tribal again. At the fans tribe, Monique is beginning to notice that the other four person group imploded on itself, and starts to get paranoid the same thing can happen to her group. This causes a fight between her and Tortia, which leads to them realizing they have to stick together or else the tribe would become anarchy. Renmen wins their first immunity, sending the fans to tribal council. Kyle starts to take notice of how much Zoey is playing, and starts to plant ideas into people's heads to take Zoey out. Upon hearing his rumors, Monique immediately doesn't trust him, and gets her alliance to vote for Kyle. Zoey's gamebot mode has rubbed everyone the wrong way, however, and everyone on the outs trusts her less, leading to Jace successfully convincing his old alliance that Zoey is a bigger threat. Lucas and Tianna talk with outsiders Max and Olivia, and successfully manage to have them on board with the vote too. Zoey is sent home in a 6-4 vote. Episode 4: With Zoey gone, the Monique-Tortia-Mac alliance has incredibly low morale. They know they can't be picked on one by one, so they desperately try to find a person perceived as a threat they can try to throw under the bus. At Renmen, Prat decides to use previous relationships as a way to advance his agenda, and talks with Demi about how she feels about Jack. Demi, a little hotheaded from her blindside orchestrated by him in Koah Rong, says she would vote him out in a heartbeat after he broke her trust. With this knowledge, Prat and Seppe are happy they can flip the game where they want. Fanatik wins reward but Renmen wins immunity sending the fans back to tribal. Monique has a side conversation with Max and Olivia asking for their vote, as five is enough, and in return, lets them decide who to go. Max and Olivia think hard about this, and they decide that Lucas should be the one to go, as his cultural barrier lets him be more distant from the main group, and is unlikely to be seen coming, in case an idol play happens. Olivia, however, has different plans. She wants the plan to implode in Monique's face, and tells Kyle their plan. Kyle however, wants to go along with it, with the ulterior motive of forcing those on the bottom to be loyal to him. Jace, Lucas, and Tianna all agree that Tortia is the biggest threat, and they tell Kyle their plan, but its no use. Lucas goes out in a 6-3 vote. Episode 5: Jace is shocked that Lucas would be the one who went last tribal, and immediately knew that Kyle was the one who flipped on him. An argument between Jace and Kyle breaks out, and he debates weather working with Kyle is a good idea. Meanwhile, Kyle accredits himself with putting Max and Olivia in a better position, and tells them that they now have to be loyal to him in return, and Olivia doesn't believe it one bit. She knows that her and Max are in a bad spot, but also knows that she would rather play the game for herself than for Kyle's benefit. At Renmen, Demi, Paris, and Bailey start their usual planning, and Demi brings up Jack's name, saying the longer he is in the game, the more powerful he gets. Both girls are willing to help her get Jack out, and his antics continue to rub everyone the wrong way when Paris starts to get a read on him, thinking he is hiding something. Fanatik wins immunity, sending the favorites to tribal. Jack and Steve approach Paris, Demi, and Bailey about voting off Cris due to being way too unpredictable, but since the girls have a bond with Cris, there is no turning back. They talk to Prat and Seppe, saying that they are going to vote for Jack, and both guys are overjoyed, telling them that is their plan too. Paris tells Cris she is getting targeted by Jack, and Cris naturally wants to play defensively. At tribal, Jack gets a read of the room, and believes something is off, so he plays his idol, negating 6 votes, and unfortunately eliminating Cris in a sad, premature 2-0 vote. Episode 6: Everyone is flabbergasted over what just happened, and this pushes everyone to want Jack out even more. A mad dash for the newly hidden idol occurs at camp, and Steve ends up being the one who finds the idol. Meanwhile, at the fans tribe, Tianna and Jace are still confused on why Kyle flipped on them, and Olivia uses this as an opportunity to psychologically weaken them by rubbing it in their faces, which both fans aren't happy with. This causes a fight between Olivia and Tianna to take place. Fanatik wins reward, but Renmen wins immunity. The fans go back to tribal, where lines are clearly drawn to the sand. Max is thankful that Kyle gave him a shot at actually playing the game, and the two plan on working together to get out another member of the majority, Mac. Monique, Mac, and Tortia want to get this duo of Kyle and Max out, gunning for Max in case Kyle has the idol, and the duo of Jace and Tianna want Tortia out for being super strategic. This leaves Olivia in the middle of everything. She is approached by Tortia, Jace, and Kyle about their respective plans, and she can either vote for Max and establish a new majority, or vote for Mac or Tortia and force a tie. Ultimately, wanting her game to be safe, Olivia flips on her allies, sending Max home in a 4-2-2 vote. Episode 7: The tribes swap, and now fans and favorites are getting to play together. The new Fanatik now has Bailey, Demi, Monique, Olivia, Paris, Steve, and Tortia, while the new Renmen now has Seppe, Jack, Jace, Kyle, Mac, Prat, and Tianna. At Fanatik, the favorites have majority 4-3, and Steve wants to finally integrate himself into a majority group, He talks with Demi, and apologizes about working with Jack, and the two are able to forgive eachother, and form a new bond. Meanwhile, Monique and Tortia aren't having the easiest time working with Olivia, as she has been seen to be extremely unpredictable, rude, and not have their priorities in mind. Because of this, Monique and Tortia are quick to start getting to know Bailey, Demi, and Paris, and the five girls immediately start growing close. At Renmen, the fans have control of the tribe, leaving Jack, Seppe, and Prat subject to however they want to vote. Jace and Tianna are the only fans that are currently aligned together, but both Kyle and Mac know it would be foolish to give up the majority, especially after two straight seasons of favorites in the minority manipulating their fans during the tribe swap. A four person alliance between Jace, Tianna, Mac, and Kyle is formed. Prat and Seppe have no intentions of flipping, but they know first hand how dangerous Jack can be, so Seppe, during a talk with Jace, tells him about Jack's idol play, saying he also could potentially have the rehidden idol as well. This scares Jace, and he thanks Seppe for the information. Renmen wins immunity, sending Fanatik to tribal. Right off the bat, Olivia approaches Paris, saying she wants to make a move and put the votes on Tortia, who is the most strategic fan by a longshot. Paris is taken aback by Olivia's offer, and she holds a chat with Demi, Steve, and Bailey to assess their options. Due to their gained bonds with Tortia and Monique, and how abrasive Olivia was when talking to Paris, everyone immediately knew that Olivia is the least trustworthy of the three favorites. They confirm to Tortia and Monique they will be working with them, and Olivia is sent home unanimously in a 6-1 vote. Episode 8: With Olivia gone, Demi wants as many allies as possible going into the merge, so she does more around camp to be seen as a provider, and gets to know both of the remaining fans of her tribe, who would love to work with her when the merge hits. Meanwhile, at Renmen, Kyle starts acting shady, and makes backdoor deals with Prat, Seppe, and Jack, which people start to notice, and are rubbed the wrong way by his antics. Fanatik wins both reward and immunity, sending Renmen to tribal. Jace has a talk with Mac and Tianna, saying that despite Kyle's shadiness, the fans need to stick together, as giving up a majority is completely idiotic. Everyone else agrees, and decides that Jack is the best bet. Prat and Seppe approach Kyle and Jace, and they talk about a plan. Both Seppe and Prat say they are willing to flip on Jack if need be, as he is a big physical threat, and the merge is likely coming up. Not wanting to blindside either of them, and seeing them as worthy allies, Jace sticks to the plan, but still is worried people could flip on him. Jace mistakenly plays his idol, and Jack is voted out in a unanimous 6-1 vote. Episode 9: The tribes merge, and for the first time ever, there is an even split between the fans and the favorites. The alliance of Demi, Bailey, and Paris immediately start considering their future options, and realize that staying in tribal lines could be disastrous for them, as Prat and Seppe making the end could lead them to being overshadowed. Given the cohesiveness of the previous vote, plus Steve's willingness to work with them, they rope in the members of their swapped tribe, Monique and Tortia, and ask if they're willing to integrate into their alliance. Both fans are overjoyed, as it gets them farther, as well as gets them meatshields to tank their votes. Wanting as many options as possible, Monique starts to bond with Seppe, who plans to use this backdoor talk to paint a target on her back. Seppe and Prat want Steve to be the first person to go at merge, given his reputation with immunity challenges, and they give this plan to their tribemates at the swap. Jace is glad they aren't targeting him despite his bad idol play, and everyone swapped onto Renmen decides that is the optimal plan. Bailey wins the first immunity challenge, barely beating Steve, and Seppe and Prat's plan to get Steve out slowly starts working. Prat tells Paris of their plan, thinking he can trust her, but Paris wants Steve as an ally to cut at a later time. As a result, Paris asks Tortia and Monique who they see as the biggest threat, and they both say they want Tianna out, as it weakens those in opposition to their original alliance, and it takes out a major physical threat. With the two fans quickly roping in Mac from their original alliance, Tianna is voted out in a 7-5 vote, just one tribal short of the jury. Episode 10: With the fans down 8-7, Kyle doesn't want to lose any numbers, so he decides that now is the option to make a move. Bailey, Demi, Prat, Kyle, and Paris win reward, and on reward, Kyle listens into Bailey, Demi, and Paris bonding, and knows for sure he can use this to try and get Steve to turn on them. Monique wins the next immunity challenge, narrowly beating Steve, and with Steve at risk to get voted out, Kyle makes his move. He tells Steve that looking at it from a logical standpoint, Steve has no shot at making final three if the final four is between him, Bailey, Demi, and Paris. Steve realizes this, thanks Kyle for telling him, and states he is ready to stop coasting on immunity wins and make a move. He asks Kyle if voting for Bailey would be a good idea, and Kyle says he can rally up the fans to get the numbers needed. Immediately, Kyle tells Bailey about what Steve is planning, and not wanting to go home, Bailey trusts him and tells the rest of the favorites about this. Through utilization of the connections that the fans and faves had at swap, Seppe and Demi are able to get everyone on board with voting Steve, except for Mac, who is approached by Kyle, asking if he wants to take part in a gamebreaking move, and he immediately says yes, wanting something on his resume. Right before tribal, Steve shows Kyle and Mac his idol, and Kyle recommends playing it just in case. At tribal, Steve plays his idol, which shocks everyone, negating 8 votes, and making Bailey the first juror in a 3-0 vote. Episode 11: Kyle's plan worked, and now Steve is public enemy number one between both the fans and the favorites, as Kyle sits back and watches the chaos ensue. Wanting to ensure he makes it past another day, Prat goes looking for the idol and finds it, hoping he can make good use of it, similarly to how he did in Caramoan. Prat, Tortia, Monique, Jace, and Mac win reward, and Prat makes sure that everyone is on the same page in voting for Steve. Everyone is in agreement, but Steve wins the next immunity challenge, sending the whole tribe into chaos. The faves naturally want a fan out, and Seppe is pushing for Monique, but Prat fights him over it, knowing that Monique is close with Paris and Demi. Eventually Prat gives up and Seppe asks the girls about their willingness to get a Monique out, and they are hesitant at first, but they do believe that this vote could break up a major bond from a day one alliance, and leave the fans disunited, and more able to manipulate. Seppe also tells this plan to his swapped tribe, who are all members of the minority while Monique and Tortia were in power, and are ready to take out the people on top of the fans tribe. Mac also is willing to flip on them, as he believes his swap alliance to be way more cohesive. Kyle gives them a decoy plan to vote Mac for being a physical threat, and as a result, Monique is blindsided, becoming the second juror in an 8-2 vote. Episode 12: Tortia feels blindsided, but knows that if Steve didn't win immunity, Monique would still be in the game, and the girls would be in the top 5 together. Demi apologizes to Tortia for the move, and Tortia understands where she came from, and is still willing to put her trust into Demi. Kyle wins immunity, and Jace suddenly feels like he has no say in the game, and the favorites are dictating the vote. This causes him to isolate himself from the tribe, leading people to lose trust in him. Prat and Seppe immediately start throwing Steve's name out as long as they can, and they successfully manage to rally Jace and Kyle to vote with them, but Mac feels unsure, as he wants to keep working with Steve. He decides to just throw a vote for Seppe out instead. Steve, however, isn't going without a fight. Demi, Paris, and Tortia realize that as long as Steve is in the game, they're less likely to get votes, so the three of them rope in Steve to vote out another physical threat in Mac. Due to Mac's sole vote for Seppe, votes between Steve and Mac tie at tribal council, and Steve is sent to the third jury seat in a 4-3 revote, with nobody flipping. Episode 13: The number of fans and faves is tied 4-4, and Seppe, scared that singular vote cast against him could lead to many more, wins immunity. Kyle, not wanting to go to rocks has a talk with the faves about how he is willing to turn on Mac if it lets him live another day, and the favorites are into that plan, since Mac is a physical threat, but Demi convinces everyone that Kyle isn't to be trusted to begin with, as he could be lying to their faces. Seppe slips to Mac that Kyle wants him gone, and Mac, not knowing what he did wrong, is aided by Jace and Tortia, who are also done with Kyle's antics. Kyle becomes the fourth juror in a unanimous 7-1 vote. Seppe wins his second immunity in a row, and he is now on Paris and Demi's radar as a challenge threat. Demi and Paris decide to detach from Seppe and Prat, and want to vote out Mac for being good at challenges, and a potential meatshield, alongside Tortia. Seppe and Prat want to make use of the fact that Jace is an easy to vote off outsider that has no leeway, and cant take control from anyone with an alliance, Mac, finally wanting Jace gone, decides to vote with Seppe as thanks for warning him about Kyle. This leaves Jace in the middle, who decides to vote Prat, informing Paris and Demi about a potential Prat blindside. The girls consider it, but still see Mac as a bigger threat. Wanting a better relationship with Prat, Demi tells him of Jace's plan. As an emergency plan, Prat misplays his idol, negating only Jace's vote. Votes for Mac and Jace tie 3-3, and yet again, nobody switches on the revote, sending Mac to the fifth jury seat in a 3-2 revote. Episode 14: It is the final six, and it is getting dangerously close to where Demi fell last time, so she takes no hesitations on being the most social person on the island. She wins reward and shares it with Seppe to specifically strengthen their relationship, and uses the nourishment from the reward to win immunity. Due to Prat misplaying the idol, Paris goes out looking for it, and manages to find the idol. Tortia, knowing there likely isn't a chance the fans can recover from this, makes final three deals with both Demi and Prat, and claims she is willing to take out Jace, as he is the easy vote with no allies left in the game. The favorites agree with her judgement, and Jace unanimously becomes the sixth juror in a 5-1 vote. Finale: Tortia is the last fan standing, and she is proud of this feat, as she gets to be the deciding vote between the feuding duos of Prat and Seppe, and Demi and Paris. She wants to get to the end with Prat and Demi ideally, as Seppe and Paris' strategic games could potentially make her lose. Demi wins the next immunity challenge, and both Prat and Seppe need her to be the next one to go. Paris and Demi celebrate, as Paris shows Demi her idol, saying that both of them are guaranteed final four, and the two decide that with the idol, Seppe will be ensured to go home. Tortia ends up deciding to vote with Demi and Paris, without knowing of Paris' idol. Paris plays her idol, negating two votes, and Seppe becomes the seventh juror in a 3-0 vote. Demi continues her challenge streak, winning reward, which gives her an advantage in the challenge, which then helps her win the final immunity, guaranteeing her a spot in the final three. Prat assumes he will be the one to go, but Tortia has other plans, as she sees Paris as a huge strategic threat that has to go, or else she can win the whole thing. She talks with Prat, saying she will vote with him against Paris, and they will still uphold their final three deal they made prior. Votes tie between Prat and Paris 2-2, and they tie again 1-1 on the revote, meaning that a firemaking challenge will occur. After both players feverishly build their flame, Prat ultimately burns his rope first, eliminating Paris from the game. The final three plead their cases to the jury on why they deserve the million dollars. Tortia uses the fact that she was the first and only first time playing fan to have ever made final three, and she deserves the win because she outlasted the rest of her tribe, and integrated into the favorites group when she needed to. Prat argues he started from the bottom at his second tribal, but worked his way to the top by integrating with his swapped tribemates, and earning his way into the final three through the firemaking challenge that sent a huge strategic threat packing. Meanwhile, Demi argued she played the social and physical games down to a T, fostering relationships with everyone, sticking with an alliance that formed day one all the way to the end, being in control of who goes home the majority of the time, and winning three immunity challenges and four reward challenges, adding up to 7 total challenge wins. While Prat and Tortia's underdog stories were nice, Demi is praised by the jury for the relationships she fostered. Demi Bourbon is crowned the winner of Swoldow's Survivor: Barbados in a 5-2-1 vote. Steve wins fan favorite due to his impressive idol play, and how his singular immunity win broke the tribal dynamics. Potential All-Stars: The favorites, Tortia, Jace, Mac, Kyle, Monique Potential Pre-Jury Gems: Tianna, Olivia Another great season, with an incredibly deserving win by Demi. I'm glad that many of the favorites got to redeem themselves, including Prat, Paris, and Seppe who all improved in placement. The favorites tribe in general was extremely fun to write, and might've been the strongest group yet, we've had for that tribe. Our next season will be going back to measuring certain archetypes and pitting them against eachother. With the addition of a mandatory firemaking challenge at final 4, our next season will be Swoldow's Survivor: Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers.
Australian Open First Round Men's Singles (WTA First Round to follow)
The Australian Open directors are getting a lot of flack, and rightfully so. Running a tournament is incredibly time-consuming as you have to fix the draw, disrespect the players health, be willfully ignorant and not mention worldwide issues that are within miles of the location, and then there is all that scheduling. I am inclined to cut them some slack though, as very few things that draw complaint and ire are black and white. The Australian Open is a HUGE source of revenue for Melbourne, and aside from aussie rules football might be one of the largest events held in the calendar year. My first inkling given the air quality being reported (1 day outside the equivalent of smoking 20 packs of cigarettes was reported on the news in towns near the fire) was that the event was in real danger of being cancelled, and while it is irresponsible to allow players to compete if they are in danger, the directors are under tremendous financial pressure to make this event happen. We all will be keeping a close eye on the players ability to dig deep in these 3/5 matches, and given the physical toll the AO has already been known to take due to the heat I expect this to be a very gritty event. For the first time in a few years I don’t think there is a clear favorite to run away with the men’s or women’s title, and that spells hungry tennis from the guys who are in the hunt. In the men’s I think Nadal, Federer, Novak, Medvedev, Tsitsipas, Khachanov, and Rublev will have a strangehold on the later rounds, with Berretini and Shapovalov being the darkhorse candidates. The women’s has Barty, Pliskova, Osaka, and a resurgent Serena (hasn’t played a top player but she improved at each event last year and there’s no reason to think she won’t be a bit calmer this year if she reaches the later stages of an event) looking to get busy on adding to their already impressive legacies, and I have to say Osaka showed a level of patience and ballstriking several times in her run at Brisbane that made her look almost unbeatable. Her backhand seems to have improved as well as she’s been able to hit sharper angles than usual which enables her to utilize the slightly unorthodox down the line pass that she hits. Fuck all that two weeks from now noise though. Let’s pick winners. I’ll be doing the WTA also and editing it in here (might make a second post if it doesn't fit due to character length), but I wanted to get this up early. Also character max (40k) doesn't let me post it all so the rest is going in the comments. Nadal Dellien : While he should win this comfortably, this is a big fu to Nadal to play this guy in the early rounds. I often think directors place guys who Federer and Nadal and Novak are very similar to against them in the early rounds, and while this benefits Federer playing guys like Kohl and Gojo and skill players who don’t take a big toll on the bones, Nadal gets the short end of the stick playing Schwartzman and other grinders seemingly nonstop. Dellien had a lot of bettors hearts hurting with his gutsy performance against Kwon last year at the USO, and he’ll extend rallies here as much as he can. Given his preference for clay, his court positioning isn’t going to be such that Nadal will have much pressure, but he (Nadal) will have to earn all his points. Nadal in 3 annoying sets. Delbonis Sousa : Two good dudes. Delbonis is coming off qualifying in Adelaide before losing to hometown favorite Duckworth and Sousa is coming off a disappointing loss to Vasek Pospisil where he was literally hit off the court. That is something that for a journeyman like Sousa who prides himself on making matches physical is a tough one to take, and although generally he’d be favored over Delbonis, this one may be difficult for him since he doesn’t have a lot of matches or confidence. Delbonis has top level offense when he’s serving well, and his backhand is a cannon, but this is not his best surface and he is prone to throwing in 4-5 poor points in a row. Expect this to go 4 or more sets, with Sousa’s backhand errors and Delbonis’ serving issues deciding the outcome. I’d lean Sousa. Eubanks Gojowczyk : Eubanks qualifying for the AO is a big step for him. He has a great serve and big swings but he struggles with his movement and consistency. Gojowczyk is the guy you’d hate to play doubles with until you randomly won the tournament. He will hit the ball awkwardly into the net over and over trying to make his shots perfect, but when he’s on he can take the raquet out of anyone’s hands like a poorman’s Martin Klizan. The errors won’t help him here, as his shots don’t have to perfect against Eubanks. Given Eubanks usual status as a WC entrant, his qualifying run has to lend itself to him having a pretty good chance to win some sets here, and his serving game and Gojo’s awkward returning mean this will likely be decided in tiebreakers. It’s hard to bet against the more experienced player in Gojo, but I could see either one taking this in 4-5 sets. Kovalik Carreno Busta : Kovalik is one of the few players to actually come back on a protected ranking and lose for a year and then gain traction. You love to see it and Marcel-Stebe is another one who seemed destined to be off the tour and then kinda got things together eventually. Kovalik has funky offense and is a solid challenger threat on clay to anyone he plays. This is the wrong first round for him. Although PCB went down fairly quickly to Lloyd Harris this past week, he finished up last year in fairly decent form after a horrendous return from injury that saw Benoit Paire use him as target practice several times, and 15-40 become his usual starting point in his service games. PCB may drop a set but barring injury his defense and consistent pace of play should be too much for Kovalik. PCB in 4 Kyrgios Sonego : “What are you gonna do, go bet on Kajeerios?” said Miguel. My friends have not been wholly supportive of my decision to bet tennis fulltime, and have not been supportive of the proper pronunciation of any of these people’s names. Further still, they think that gambling and Nick Kyrgios go anywhere near each other. They don’t. As a -700 favorite against Lorenzo Sonego, there should be no way that Nick can lose this match. He has a solid backhand, the best serve on tour when he’s motivated, and a ton of skill. Unfortunately, ignorance is bliss, and Nick is wasting his best years not training and not competing because of nothing we can blame him for. Talented athletes come and go in sport, and their burden is to find the motivation when they likely have always just been able to “turn it up” when they wanted to win. In a sport where people train outrageously hard, Nick somehow finds himself in the same position. That ability to turn it up numbs the losses. “I don’t care about this,” is a fair statement and “I could win if I wanted to” is dangerous knowledge because it means you really only do win when you want to. “What do I really want” is too tricky a question for someone as superficial as Nick and so his mental struggles on the court will likely continue. I expect Sonego to steal a set here as he has a good bit of skill and is hungry to take the next step in his ascent, but really this is players at different stages of their career, and Nick should be ready to contend for a title now. Still, if a child doesn’t want to eat their broccoli no amount of promising them it’s good for them will work. Nick in 4 or Sonego in 4 noisy whiney bitchfit sets. Cuevas Simon : Simon played well in his one match at the ATP cup but fell quickly to Chardy, who then seemed too tired to compete against PCB a round later. This doesn’t give me much confidence, and for the past two seasons it seems like Simon is able to beat everyone one week, then about as good as a pusher can be without winning for the rest. This is a winnable match for him given Cuevas’ struggles to find consistent form on hardcourt, and his defensive prowess being his best form. Cuevas has the offense, variety, and physical ability to make hardcourt matches close against most of the top 100, but doesn’t really string the wins together as he tends to experience surges in form within matches. It won’t be lost on either of these veterans that NK likely waits in the next round and he is willing to gift anyone a win at any time. The “this is his home event he won’t disrespect it” idea would make sense but to me that just adds to the looming frustration of a loss that sits in the back of his head as he decides whether or not to give his best effort. I gotta stop talking about this guy. No pick here and I expect Simon to come through. Uchiyama Ymer : Mikael Ymer has been the hottest player not quite on the tour for the past two months. He’s won a ton of matches on the challenger circuit and played moderately well in the nextgen cup. Uchiyama flies under the radar but is exactly the player to stretch Ymer if he makes errors. The match will be on Ymer’s raquet but you have to think how often you have been seeing Uchiyama’s name in the draws at majors and how the pressure of being the “name” player will affect Ymer’s ability to perform. Still, this is giving too much credence to Ymer’s past as an inconsistent player. His athletic ability and serve should get him through this one. Ymer in 5. Vilella Martinez Khachanov : I love Khachanov’s game but am consistently nervous when he plays qualifiers in the early rounds. He plays such a high intensity game that he seems to bring people up to his level, and Vilella Martinez who I’ll admit I’ve never seen play has been snagging people all week in the qualifiers that he was not expected to. Can he overcome a top 20 player in his first major on tour? Likely not, but I expect him to acquit himself nicely and possible even take a set if Khachanov is still finding problems in consistency on his forehand wing. Khachanov in 3-4. Monfils Lu : I’m assuming Lu is in on a protected ranking or something as I haven’t seen him active on tour since giving Zverev a heart attack way back when. Monfils has been equally inactive but this is one of those “Monfils looked in great form in the 1st round” matches and given Pospisil and FAA in the next two rounds Monfils should be primed for a good run here at the AO. Monfils in 3 unless he really doesn’t make an effort. Karlovic Pospisil : The fairy godmother returns! Karlovic serving looks like a fairy granting wishes with their magic wand. I hope he wins this, but he probably won’t. Pospisil is seemingly approaching the levels that people thought he would in the past before he struggles with back injuries, and I’m still not convinced of his potential to be anything other than another Dimitrov type overrated underperforming talent, but his ballstriking is solid enough here to win the few rallies they’ll get into. Pospisil in 4 tbs. Duckworth Bedene : This seems like one of the cheapest games of the first round, with Bedene sitting at just -160. Duckworth played well and beat Delbonis this past week, but really hasn’t been in any real matches on tour besides playing Andy Murray in one of his earlier comebacks. I get that the guy is a hometown favorite but Bedene has been a consistent challenger winner and a tour 2nd and 3rd rounder for 5 years now, and I think his serve/forehand combo are enough to maintain control of this match. Bedene in 3-4. Gulbis FAA : Rough one for Felix to start the tournament with. Gulbis is Nick Kyrgios travelled back in time to warn him to make an effort, but instead he noticed the tour hadn’t really progressed that far and just hopped into qualifying. Gulbis marching easily through qualifying is tough for any first round opponent since his height and power make him able to hold serve at the end of sets when the qualifiers offense is supposed to falter. FAA had a rough patch at the end of 2019 but got it together after the FAA cup and was hitting with excellent length in his loss against Rublev this week. With Rublev pegged as a future #1 by John McEnroe last year, this is a good sign that FAA should have a decent Australian Open. What we’re all expecting though is the dominant 3 set future #1 beating from FAA and I’m not sure if it will go that simply. FAA in 5 or fewer if he’s able to win the tiebreakers. Fritz Griekspoor : I don’t even think given some of Fritz’ past performances that he should be favored in this matchup. Griekspoor has a big game, a great compact serve, and is in form on these courts after coming through qualifying. Fritz will need to come out early with solid serving in order to put some doubt in Talon’s mind. The “working your way into the match” pushing the backhand into play bs that Fritz falls into will have this one going 5 sets before he knows it and guess which player has been playing more tennis recently (it isn’t Fritz). Man I do not like the US strategy of awarding WCs nonstop to players who don’t win and I think it has poisoned Fritz and Tiafoe and a few others who have the game to compete but lack the killer instinct. Griekspoor in 4. Ivashka Anderson : Unfortunate for Ivashka to pull a better version of himself. Ivashka boast a big serve and forehand and unlike many big men can play defense and hang in a rally. Anderson has been very inactive but is a better version of this. While his losses can be bizarre (Pella dispatching him in straights) he did fairly well at the ATP Cup against a hapless Christian Garin and should be a solid favorite to come through here. In the past I’ve been guilty of backing Ivashka against the questionable tour names like Monfils which is a fun sweat but hasn’t produced any dollars, so this time I will sit quietly. Anderson in 4-5. Bolt ARV : If it’s tennis in Australia, Alexander Bolt seems to be up for the task. A consistent qualifier and performer in the early 250 events, Bolt is a high energy player with a big serve and a compact backhand. This is not a great matchup for him, as ARV was hit off the court by Tommy Paul but first beat Munar and Thompson, two guys who don’t make many errors and try to push the pace. ARV looked rock solid against both and didn’t make many errors. I do believe he brings a level of defense that will stifle Bolt’s offense, and him being lefty is going to negate some of Bolt’s advantages. ARV in 3-4. Mannarino Thiem : I forgot about Thiem when I was writing the intro. His hardcourt game has progressed and in my opinion he’s the most skilled player on tour right now outside the big 3. “Mannarino is a tricky lefty” I’m tired of writing that. Mannarino doesn’t beat guys with power, and mostly pushes the ball onto the backhand wing, which is the wrong strategy against Thiem. Thiem in 3 and Mannarino falls down at least once from the weight of shot. Medvedev Tiafoe : Great. Medvedev who works hard and plays consistent and doesn’t bail out of volleys and takes his losses quietly against an overrated dude with an enabling camp. I am so disappointed in Tiafoe’s lack of progress and his immediate willingness to fistpump anytime anything goes right. Is there still no one in his camp that will tell him that consistent level of play is what wins on tour, not shots. Look at Benoit Paire who is supremely talented and hits 30+ winners per match but always finds himself in deciding sets. Tiafoe has really no chance here, and it’s sad because had he spent his time earning his way on tour rather than being gifted it, he would be able to compete at this level already. He’s one of the best athletes on tour with one of the worst perspectives. Medvedev in 3. Koepfer Martinez : Pedro Martinez qualifying on hardcourt is pretty damn impressive to me, and he has a guy who just spent a year doing some impressive qualifying. I’m glad Koepfer gets his first direct entry into a major, and he should have an advantage here, after his main struggle in majors being fatigue in early rounds after pushing to get through the qualifying. Martinez has the game to take a set here and Koepfer’s height means he has to play every point a bit harder than most guys, but he should have the consistency to muscle through, and his lefty offense is legit. Koepfer in 4-5. Gaston Munar : Gaston is the French selection for the WC into this event, and he will go up against one of the more difficult defensive tests on the tour. Munar doesn’t give up much, and is constantly improving. Gaston is getting acclimated to the challenger tour and isn’t quite there yet, but this will be good experience for him and hopefully he’ll earn his way there in the future. Munar in 3. Popyrin Tsonga : Popyrin was an early round terror for a lot of people in 2019. 2020 has been a middling but brief start for him but he seems to be in good form. Tsonga has played one event and was quickly dismissed by Kecmanovic. This means very little as Tsonga is prone to not giving his best effort at 250 level events, and really has excelled mostly on the indoor tour and any event located in France. Family life and the 2nd half of his career may have taken a toll on Tsonga’s commitment to fitness, and that makes this match a question mark. Tsonga has the offense to take this match over, and the experience plus name to have this be a mental battle for Popyrin if he gets close to the finish line. Impossible to predict this one, but it’s hard to see either player winning in straight sets. Tsonga in 4-5 if he’s fit and Popyrin in 4 if he’s fat. Isner Monteiro : Monteiro’s impact has been absent on the hardcourt tour for a while now, and it was interesting to see him come through qualifying and beat Norrie before falling to Paire. The loss to Paire seems like one he’d want back but Paire played some of his best tennis ever last week in his finals run. Monteiro gets a bonus in this matchup as he’ll have an easier time holding serve than he would against the rest of the tour, but Isner had a good time in Adelaide and got his serve going for a few matches. Generally when he is in form, his matches include tiebreakers and tiebreakers against Isner are as exhausting to play as they are boring to watch. Isner not being able to hit his backhand into the court is about the same as NBA players not being able to sink a free throw. I know he’s a bigman and bigman tennis and fearhand and all the dumb excuses Tennis Channel makes for him, but get Gimelstob out of your box, fix your swing on the backhand wing, and try to be more than just a guy who ruins draws. Isner in 4. I’m not sure why I suddenly got angry at Isner at the end of that, but I’m not taking it back. Tabilo Galan : It always amazes me when I see guys like Coric and Querrey playing first round that they allow qualifiers to play each other. To be fair, they usually play into a bad section of the draw, but the increased prize money makes it seem like an awesome shot for the guys who land in that section. Tabilo is a good player from Chile and none of you have seen him play. I also have not seen him play, but recent results playing close with Luke Saville and Marc Polmans, coupled with his win over Stakhovsky suggest he’s on the cusp of making the tour. Galan on the other hand is a year ahead of him, and did some very impressive qualifying last year. He has that niche factor of never being out of a match regardless of the score, and pushes the pace with his forehand and hits with range which can be difficult for some players to adjust to. His game reminds me a bit of Joao Sousa, and I lean towards his experience, but have no real way to suggest who will win this match. Kecmanovic Seppi : After a disappointing injury led to his US Open exit, Kecmanovic has to be all kinds of fired up to get back into a major event. This kind of speculative thinking leads to a lot of poor wagers as people back guys in “comeback games” against their old teams or “revenge matches” after prior losses. Seppi is a very tricky opponent who is as accurate as he is calm. He doesn’t have the power to really hit through Kecmanovic’s defense but he has the experience to get deep in sets and his ease of pulling the trigger on what he considers the right shot regardless of the situation can make him dangerous once he gets there. Kecmanovic is likely going to be able to take advantage of Seppi’s spot serving with his movement and should wrap this one up in 4. Kecmanovic in 4. Dzumhur Wawrinka : Dzumhur has looked good the past two weeks in the events he played on the challenger tour and in Qatar, but this is the perfect matchup for Wawrinka to begin his run. Wawrinka managed to be frontpage on the AO page after one of my associates texted me excited about taking a Wawrinka future at 50/1, which means to me he is in immediate peril. Stan has been improving every match he’s played since his return to the tour, and although it’s been a while, that just means he’s still trying to get back to the top of the tour. Dzumhur has to produce a great deal of variety to win on tour given his lack of physical dominance, and while his skill is brilliant, at times his errors and demeanor is as well. I don’t really see him winning a lot of baseline rallies, so this will likely come down to who is able to hold serve easier. That should be Stan, and I think he comes through here with at least one hiccough. Wawrinka in 4. Goffin Chardy : I swear these guys have played each other like 10 times in the first round at majors, but Wimbledon and Roland Garros are the only spots they’ve met with a straight set victory going to Chardy on clay and Goffin on grass. Chardy looked bad last week against PCB after a decent win over countryman Simon, but he is a dangerous player in the first round of any event. He sometimes lacks the timing and with his very smooth oldschool game it’s important to minimize errors in today’s compact game. Goffin is in good form again after a lonnnnnnnng return from eye problems that started to look like he’d never get it together again. His serve can become ineffective at times and i’m hesitant to cite weather but I believe Goffin will have the easier time competing in the smoky heat of Melbourne. Still, it’s difficult to put out a guy who can play the kind of flawless offense that Jeremy can, so I’d expect Goffin in 4. Herbert Norrie : This is a nice matchup of two guys on tour everyone expects to beat but nobody wants to play. Herbert is an upset threat in any 2/3 match and his variety/skill stemming from his years dominating doubles actually make him able to compete with a higher quality of opponent than his results would suggest. Norrie is somehow the opposite. His simple game and preference for the grind make him struggle with pretty much every opponent he plays. I really think the flat backhand/topspin forehand combination is a bad one as his opponents can choose which ball they’re better capable of defending when they’re on defense. Herbert unfortunately won’t be the underdog here, and that makes it somewhat more difficult to back him. Norrie plays a low-risk low-reward game, but in a 3/5 format the grind can often be rewarded when one player is looking to play a skilled game and the other guy is bunting the ball back to you and making british noises. I don’t think either player can run away with this one, but I hope Herbert does. Herbert in 5. Sugita Benchetrit : A lotta qualifiers are going to be squinting at this spot in the draw thinking at what could have been. Sugita can win the matches you count him out of, and it’s easy to overlook his consistency on tour over time due to his lack of marquee wins. Benchetrit pulled upset after upset to come through qualifying and that form makes him about even money in my mind to win this one. Sugita is a challenger tour journeyman and is used to competing with these guys, but somehow these two haven’t met. The winner meets Rublev, so I’m not going to put too much thought into this one. Sugita in 4-5. Rublev O’Connell : This is unfortunate for O’Connell to be playing the hottest player on tour right now. Rublev is also playing some good ball. I spent 2019 making fun of Rublev’s appearance, but I’ll spend 2020 backing him to win tennis matches. Back to back titles and McEnroe stating that he thought he was a future #1 about a year and a half ago have me starting to believe. In the past he’d cough up errors when pressed defensively, but he came up with the answer in the past week every time he was pressed, utilizing some skill that many had not seen before (a few onehanded slice passes and some beautiful two handed lobs). The second serve is a liability as he tends to just spin it in but until he plays a top-tier returner of Benoit freakin Paire he will do fine behind it as he’s one of the best baseliners on tour. O’Connell has been the most consistent player on the challenger tour in the past year and if you watch this match you’re going to hear about how he worked on a fishing boat and now it’s a feelgood story. He has a smooth onehanded backhand and just keeps hitting the court until people fold. The key to beating him has been absurd power and that’s where Rublev (barring fatigue or injury) will end his tournament. Rublev in 3. Basilashvili Kwon : Kwon getting to play in the Kooyong exhibition matches was an interesting choice for a guy who is usually grinding it out. I actually like it because the more comfortable he is on court with the tour players the quicker he will ground himself. Kwon has a very nice game and really doesn’t miss off the backhand wing that much. He tends to get behind the baseline a bit given his speed and this is a problem against Basilashvili, who hits the ball past people sitting in the crowd. Basilashvili has been known to tie himself to a ball with string and just hit the ball to his next event destination for free airfare. I do not think there is a harder hitter on tour right now. With a middling ATP Cup, he’ll have trouble here with Kwon. Kwon moves the ball around and is a fake-test. If Basilashvili makes errors, he’ll lose this match. That’s fairly straightforward. With the momentum though it’ll be difficult for Kwon to serve this one out as he hits his spots nicely at times but doesn’t exactly get to 40-0 often. Someone in 5 and if Basilashvili comes through easily he’ll be in good shape to best Verdasco in the next round. Verdasco Donskoy : Donskoy managed to get got in qualifying, and while normally Verdasco is a flight-risk from any match, he turned in a good effort in Doha and should be poised to win this one. Lucky loser entrants have a beautiful history of destroying higher ranked players, and Donskoy possesses a flat yet big offense, but I don’t think fresh Verdasco isn’t going to find a way to win 3/5 sets of tennis. Verdasco in 3-4. Ruud Gerasimov : Casper Ruud is always a threat to become great. His game seems complete, and when he wins it looks like he’s the next big thing. I think his ceiling is either 40-50, or several years in the future, as this match has me thinking Gerasimov is going to win. A big server with a heap of wins over the past year, the fast courts of Melbourne are going to be decent for his chances here. This is a good spot in the draw with Zverev waiting and his early history in majors present in a players mind, and it’s difficult to gauge how effective Ruud’s game will be on a given day. Being the frontrunner in tennis honestly seems to be a hump for all these guys, and so I think this one will be tight. If Ruud wins in 3 I’ll back him against Zverev. If Gerasimov wins, I think he’ll cover a handicap against Zverev. Zverev Cecchinato : Zverev has to be glad to get one of the tour’s most notable hardcourt strugglers in his first round. Cecchinato hits big but makes errors off of routine balls, and his frustrations are so well-known at this point that even TC announcers mention them. I don’t think he’ll be able to turn around his game against Zverev, and even though Zverev gives up at the slightest hint of adversity, he shouldn’t have much here. Zverev in 3-4. See you in South America, Marco. Berretini Harris : This is the other Harris. A nice enough player, this WC will be seen on tour more in the future, but in this one he’ll just be seen playing defense. Defense, which, thus far, only the big 3 have really proved effective at against Berretini’s forehand. I’m excited to see how his backhand improves over the course of this year, as if it does he’ll become a threat to win majors. Sandgren Trungelliti : This is a strange matchup with Sandgren really not making the best effort in some matches and losing, and also making a great effort in some matches and not being rewarded with the W against some lesser players. Trungelliti isn’t likely to give this one away, and I have to say that although Sandgren steps it up in majors, he is at risk here. He’s fat(for professional tennis). It’s hot. Trungelliti in 4. RCB Berankis : This is an interesting match no one will watch. I won’t watch it either. Maybe this match is not interesting. RCB and Berankis should be out there for hours, and although I’ve seen Ricardas look dominant from the baseline, RCB doesn’t really go away. Someone in 5. Querrey Coric : These two have had similar stories, with big successes being followed up by somewhat disappointing years. Querrey struggles to find the court in rallies and gets outworked when he’s not thumping aces, and Coric attempts to outwork his opponents but can’t stop hitting the tape long enough to do so. This is a rough first round for both of them as their opponent tests their weaknesses. Querrey is likely the player in better form right now, as he played moderate decent in Adelaide before getting dismissed by Rublev. If this is on an outer court Coric has a better chance as serving is generally more difficult and conditions are more windy. I’m already cringing thinking about Berankis somehow beating RCB and then Coric, but I’m not going to pick Coric here until he displays the form he did in 2017. Querrey in 4-5. Pella Smith : Pella just shouldn’t lose this match. Smith is another of a good crop of Aussie tennis players, but I don’t think he would have come through qualifying and I don’t think he’ll hit through Pella’s defenses. Pella is coming off good practice competing in the ATP cup, and should wrap this one up in 3. Safwat Barrere : Safwat won the last few rounds of qualifying as and underdog, and now gets rewarded by playing the king of 2019 qualifying. Barrere moves the ball around beautifully, and like other french players the score does not affect the shot selection which is great to see. His strength is holding serve, and it should be his edge in this matchup. Safwat scares me because he’s one of the players in the draw I actually haven’t watched a lot, but this is a matchup of a challenger threat vs a tour threat and I think Barrere will solidify his place on tour with a win here. Barrere in 4-5. Thompson Bublik : Thompson plays tennis like he really wants to be on tour. Bublik plays tennis like he really wants to embarrass the tour. This is another good matchup of conflicting styles as Thompson will take every single point you give away and Bublik will constantly make his opponent uncomfortable. Bublik’s T serve is brilliant and his game at net continues to improve. He’ll definitely frustrate Thompson who in the past has had trouble finding the pass against serve and volleyers, and although he hasn’t been that active recently, Bublik’s top gear is better than Thompson’s. It’s difficult to find that top gear for a full match to I expect this one to go back and forth a bit. Bublik in 5. Opelka Fognini : Fognini is likely to take this one well. Opelka is the perfect storm of physical ability and flailing. Fognini doesn’t want a single hair out of place and won’t swing at a ball unless it’s a testament to skill and beauty. Fognini has shown in 2019 that he is not done winning on tour, and although he is prone to mope at any moment, he has competed well. Opelka seems to show improvement in the rally but still coughs up the errors. I don’t think Fognini will find 3 full sets of breaks of serve here, and Opelka might by virtue of Fognini feeling the pressure and also Fognini feeling the anguish of possibly losing to a flailer. Opelka in 4-5 tiebreakers. Shapovalov Fucsovics : Marton can’t catch a break. A former junior standout, Fucsovics works harder on his fitness than most teenagers work on their snapchat streaks. His reward is often playing the best players on tour and competing hard in a loss. A year ago Fucsovics was not quite as good. A year ago though Shapov (name’s too long that’s all you get) would have been error prone enough to lose this match outright. I saw great things from him in his ATP Cup matches, and he looks a bit physically stronger this year which is a bonus because bless his heart he has puppy dog brains. Fucs (i’m running out of gas) is prone to getting slicehappy on his backhand, and that complacency works right into Shap’s (even more lazy) gameplan as he hits most of his forehands crosscourt and works best starting point from there. Sha in 4. Sinner Purcell : This one is interesting as Sinner will be looking to nab some tour names this year, but Purcell is not one of those names, yet is a quality player. The hopeful in me wants Purcell to compete here, but I don’t think Sinner is actually an overhyped talent. He hits very big, applies constant pressure, and although there are similarities to the Zverev that lost match point to Nadal, Sinner has no real serving issues. Sinner in 3-4. Mayer Paul : Tommy Paul had the best beginning to this season for unproven commodities, not only winning a few matches but also being predicted to do so by the books. He’s serving well, hitting with great pace, and is a pretty solid athlete which make him a threat when he keeps the ball on the court. Mayer is supposedly a clay specialist, but his hardcourt game is solid and he hits and serves big. I expect this to be a high level match but having seen some recent struggle from Mayer against guys playing a slight cut below Paul (Monteiro/Cecchinato), I actually expect Mayer to lose here. Paul in 4-5. Londero Dimitrov : Good. I always hope for Dimitrov to get it together and here is an opponent that will force him to. Dimitrov is the better player and has more talent, but Londero wants to win. He’ll push the pace and he has legitimate offense that will force Dimitrov to play defense and hopefully keep the ball on the court. Londero isn’t really best on hardcourt by a longshot but he has proven that he’s willing to improve and compete, and that’s big against an idiot parade like Dimitrov. Dimitrov in 4-5. Hurkacz Novak : This is pretty unfortunate for Novak who has been in great form this January. Hurkacz has been in finer form, and while Novak is a hardnose opponent unlikely to give up, Hurkacz has the bigger weapons and should be able to have an edge in this one. Still, given Novak’s form I doubt it will be straight sets. Hurkacz in 4. Milman Umbert : This is an interesting matchup given Humbert’s title run, and Milman’s relatively good form against Paire who played lights out tennis. Milman has one shot, and it’s his forehand crosscourt. Humbert’s backhand isn’t the pinnacle of consistency, and his backhand let him down against Ymer in the nextgen cup so it could happen again. Milman will make this match physical, and while Humbert is capable of playing crisp enough offense to take the raquet out of his opponents hands, it’s in his best interest to do so here, as Milman will have a tremendous amount of home support out on Court 3. A stadium crowd is one thing, but a smaller stage can get raucous and frustrating, and Humbert’s main risk is momentum. Still, I think he’s at a point where this will likely be a gutsy performance from Milman and an Humbert win. Humbert in 4-5. Halys Krajinovic : I’ve never watched Halys play tennis, and it’s important to note that in case anyone thinks I know what I’m talking about. I want to say that Kraj has this in the bag since he is a rocksolid tour player, but he’s tossed in some terrible performances. Probably Krajinovic in 3, or Halys in 5.
You see people all over saying “oh bjj helps you defeat stronger opponents, it’s the only art that can reliably do so” “bjj is proven the most effective martial art” I hate to say it but this is false for several reasons.
”Early UFCs price it’s efficacy”
The only actual grapplers that we’re fought in the early UFCs by the gracies were wresters with white belt level submission knowledge, and even they were scarce. Now you’ll argue “oh well that proves that a bjj black belt beats the alternative in a wrestler or a boxer or whatever” but it doesn’t. Royce and all the other gracies grained in more than just bjj. They knew how to fight. They trained specifically on how to employ their style of fighting against people of different styles. They were pretty much a bunch of Demian Maia’s running around. They weren’t GOOD at striking or wrestling and all but they had enough knowledge to defend it, whereas everyone else had none. There’s no argument to be made there. Really what the early UFCs did was they took mma fighters and made them fight non mma fighters under mma rules. If Demian Maia challenged Wladmir Klitchzko in mma would anyone be surprised if Maia won? What if he challenged Kyle Snyder? And keep in mind, both of those guys were better than the (frankly) mid tier fighters the gracies were beating.
”Ability to defeat stronger opponents”
I’ve seen no evidence that the ability to defeat someone with grappling is any better than without. In fact, I’d say it’s worse. I can show videos of two untrained people throwing hands and the weaker man wins, you will never ever see an untrained person win by grappling because grappling naturally favors the stronger man. I can also show JUST AS MANY instances of small people with training beating stronger people without. I’m willing to bet that if a college football linemen grappled any non-elite blue belt on the planet the blue belt would struggle just off strength alone, whereas put someone who has boxed for 3 or so years against them they will have greater ease due to being able to hit and not get hit.
”Its the best of all grappling systems for self defense”
I’m not inclined to believe this is true. Or any variations of this argument, INCLUDING the “it’s the most complete” bs. Because, while bjj encompasses WAYYYY more ground grappling than any other style I’m aware of, it’s lacking stand up grappling. any trained grappler has a sizable advantage over an untrained grappler on the ground, but the fact that bjj doesn’t generally teach takedowns very well means they’ll struggle to get it there. On the other hand, bjj guys don’t necessarily have any advantage as far as takedowns go against an untrained guy unless their school does takedowns. Basically my point here is the stand up wrestler like a sambo guy or a collegiate wrestler, they can dominate you on the floor PLUS control where it takes place when it comes to deciding to end the fight. Hell, there’s a good chance the wrestler can end the fight just by TAKING the fight to the ground with a throw. On the other hand, the average bjj practitioner does not have the ability to control where the fight takes place nearly as well Let’s add, many won’t even know how to achieve dominant positioning if they DO get the fight to the ground. Positions that Tony the blue belt likes such as ankle locks from 50/50 arent necessarily dominant positions when you add strikes. On the other hand, judo, wrestling, sambo, they all have SOME bottom stuff but it’s main goal is to stay on top, which is universally dominant position. Tony the blue belt might be spending 90% of his training getting better at a position that doesn’t really exist in a fight or, if it does, the odds of getting critically injured from there make specializing in that position very ill advised. Vlad the sambo guy however almost certainly has a crushing side control game, and it’s very difficult to lose a fight from top side control whereas you can already imagine the risk of using work guard in a fight.
Toughness and urgency to win
Not that bjj guys aren’t tough, it does attract lots of tough people, but bjj itself doesn’t make you tough. The mentality associated with literally beating the shit out of someone that wants to do the same to you isn’t instilled in you. For instance, if you’re trying to work a sweep and some dude just clocks you, training or not, you are now in a totally different mode from the beginning. Clock someone who’s wrestling and the goal and intensity remains the same. The punch was illegal in both but the wrestlers grinding pace is not naturally out of place for a fight, the slow methodical pace is
BJJ is not bad
I am not saying it’s bad, I’m just saying people overrate it as a sport and martial art as far as it’s correlation to a sport. I love bjj, I love it more than my first love wrestling. I love it. I do not however love this sort of elitism where people think that doing bjj means you can fight. It means you know fighting techniques. I don’t think anyone knows how to fight, regardless of if they spar or if the techniques work, unless they consistently test themselves at the pace where they’d be moving if someone just punched them in the mouth. And bjj guys, for the most part, do not train at this pace. This means that for a solid chunk of them, those studying it for self defense will be in for a rude awakening when they get punched and they forget how to perform a single leg because they aren’t used to this pace.
What I think is good for bjj guys to know
I’m obviously no expert, I’m a teenager, so call me out if you wish, but I think the first thing any bjj guy should know is boxing. Not wrestling even which is the obvious answer, but boxing. Go to any bjj school and they’ll teach this concept of going from safe zones, to the danger zone of punching, all the way into the clinch zone where you can take them down. The problem with this idea is that you don’t know how to punch from clinch, meaning that in the danger zone you are 100% vulnerable to a strikers will, in the clinch you are both vulnerable to either grappling or strikes, and you need to get past this to employ your system where the boxer is 100% vulnerable to you. Studying boxing gives you by far the best footwork and head movement of any martial art, and studying it with bjj in mind will allow you to: A. Use the jab to stay in safe range B. Close distance to enter the clinch range C. Understand proper positioning to avoid the danger of strikes Because when it all comes down to it, a punchers chance is a real thing. Even former UFC champ Tim Sylvia got knocked out in one punch by a boxer by underestimating the efficacy of someone who does not know grappling. This punchers chance becomes exponentially larger if you’ve never been punched. Get punched so when you employ your own system you aren’t given a shock when you get hit.
Let's talk about predatory practices in the videogame industry and what we can do as consumers.
Videogames hold a very dear place in my heart. They allow me a reprieve from the daily problems of my life. They give me a space to share with friends I wouldn’t have otherwise. Every so often, a videogame will say something that touches me deeply. I’ve cried at least a couple times at the end of Metal Gear Solid 4. Maybe your experience with videogames is not quite the same, but I bet what I say rings somewhat true for anyone who’s picked up the hobby. I’d argue that, as a piece of media, they’re works of art. They connect us and allow us to express ourselves. I’ve met some very special people to me, just by playing games online. And I’ve been able to play with them, in sandboxes and zombie infested lands and truly bonded over the time we’ve shared. But games are also the product of hard work. They still are a piece of media to be distributed. At the end of the day, a game must be sold to keep the lights on: there’s developers to be paid, assets to be invested in, and stakeholders to answer to. So game companies adopt DRM policies, to thwart piracy and defend their product. They research new ways to reach broader audiences, and to hold their attention over the competition. But I fear that, throughout the years, we’ve gotten it twisted. Game companies don’t talk in terms of “fun” but engagement nowadays. They don’t even call games as such anymore: platforms, live services – games as a service. But a service to who? I brought this question to a buddy who goes by the nickname EndlesNights, he replied with this: “It's clear they only care about their bottom lines… For instance, how can we be in a time with simultaneously both record setting high profits and yet people are being let go from these corporations?” “You can go into further details about the negative implications and implementations of always online DRM. For instance on launch day & during big events, the severs are almost always overstrained which prevents everyone from accessing the server. It creates an arbitrary expiry date for the game, where the severs will no longer be cost effective to maintain and no one will be able to launch the game anymore. It provides no benefits to the end users, and the general ficklety of the services has only turned potential customers away to acquire pirated & cracked copies.” A lot of these AAA companies CEOs don’t really care for the games they make. To them, it’s just another product. Bobby Kotick is infamous for many things. Among these, one that has stuck to the back of my mind was his belief that videogames should be sold like detergent. Back in 2005 he hired a couple of Proctor & Gambler ex-employees for his publishing division. When interviewed, this was his reply: "Processes that have worked well in packaged goods industry -- bringing goods to market, the process of market research and internalizing the business -- have all added the most value to our company…"Source: https://www.marketwatch.com/story/activision-adds-publishing-execs-with-pg-experience Fast-forward a bit: it’s 2009, and Activison just merged with Blizzard. A bunch of their IPs were dropped, and amongst these was Brutal Legend, which seemed like it would never be published under Activision. So Double Fine negotiated with EA, who would end up publishing the game. So, of course, Activison sues EA trying to block the release of the game.Source:https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2009-jun-05-fi-ct-lawsuit5-story.html This is what Tim Schafer (Founder of Double Fine Productions) had to say regarding Mr. Kotick, after Double Fine got sued by Activision over the release of Brutal Legend by EA, back in 2010: "His obligation is to his shareholders… Well, he doesn't have to be as much of a dick about it, does he? I think there is a way he can do it without being a total prick… He [Kotick] makes a big deal about not liking games, and I just don't think that attitude is good for games in general. I just don't think we're an industry of widgets...” "We can approach it like we approach bars of soap, where you're just trying to make the cheapest bar of soap. He definitely has that that kind of widget-maker attitude. I don't think he's great for the industry, overall. You can't just latch onto something when it's popular and then squeeze the life out of it and then move on to the next one. You have to at some point create something, build something… Hopefully he'll go back to another industry soon.”Source: https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/schafer-calls-bobby-kotick-a-total-prick The lawsuit was settled outside of court, btw. But the judge said he was “… strongly inclined to rule against Activision’s motion to stop the game’s release.” You draw your own conclusions.Source:https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2009-aug-07-fi-activision7-story.html So, it’s pretty clear that, at least for Activision’s CEO, games don’t hold value beyond the revenue they can bring into the company. The outcome? After the success of CoD 4, Modern Warfare, CoD became a franchise that released games yearly. The games weren’t that different from each other, and each came with it’s own new monetization scheme: microtransactions, map-packs, lootboxes, etc. This is bad. And what’s worse, the quality of the games isn’t always up to par. It can’t be, if you’re expected to pump out a product year after year, using a cookie cutter formula. And CoD isn’t the worst example of this kind of thing, it’s just the most popular and polished. The lead up question is, are we getting the short end of the stick as consumers? And I’m hoping to build a solid case of proof and evidence to say “Yes, we are!” This attitude is not localized to Activision, but widespread across the industry. It’s not the exception, is the rule. And, somehow throughout the years, we’ve just accepted this as the way things are. I feel that we, as gamers, make tons of excuses for game companies when they mess up in the pursuit of money, out of misplaced loyalty. Because the games they put out mean more to us than just entertainment. But AAA game companies abuse our demand for games. They wring us for all our worth with a smile and then heckle us in subtle, and not so subtle ways (Yes, I have a phone Blizzard, your game is still a free PoS for the Chinese market.) So, the real question is, what can we do about it? All we can do is try to rally together and vote with our wallets: the only language they understand. I'm here to tell you the current state of the market isn't fine. We’ve gotten to this point, not because games started out as 60 dollar products with a real cost of upwards 100 dollars and spendings on the side - we let it get to this point. I’m here to put forward the motion that, sometimes, we just have to let games we love die and move on. Another one will come to take it's place. It won't be the same, but it always does anyways. It is something regrettable, but when game companies predate on consumers this hard. Below, I’ve put together a list of companies I'm personally boycotting, along with videos and articles that back up the reasons I have for this boycott. IDK if anyone will care to go through this, I certainly hope at least one other person takes me seriously and at least reads through it, just to be informed. That’s all I can ask for.
Lays off 350 people, while hiring a new CEO and giving him multimillion dollar bonus
FIFA 2020 was basically a copy paste of FIFA 2019 with no Quality Assurance. This is the best example of what yearly franchises actually are. You can tell here since it's unpolished: they just forces gamers to reset their progress to 0 and spend more money trying to play catch up with their last year's progress, all the while including very minor updates to the game itself.
They introduced microtransactions into a single player game, allowing you to prepurchase this, along with some day 1 dlc. Maybe it's to be expected now, and they’d done it before with Mass Effect 3 (And Ubisoft did it with Assassin’s Creed), butthey did it with reckless abandon.
Dead Space 3 will have microtransactions, to massive public uproar:
Always online DRM for a Single Player game! (Simcity 2013) This was one of the building blocks for games as a service, as this form of DRM is widely tolerated nowadays. They argued it was needed back then. They wouldn’t really say why.
Did I talk about the Sims online and how they only care about PR? Here's a BOOK on MMOs (just read the abstract), Second Life, and how messed up Sims online was: they never policed it, banned users if they gave them negative PR, not if they were hacking scumbags.
Made Diablo 3 online only, added auction house while reducing drop rates to non-existence. On a loot-based dungeon crawler. They didn't even prepare for the amount of players who wanted to play their game at launch! They also backpedalled the AH by the expansion, upping the drop rates, prohibiting trading "because it's not in the spirit" (BTW they just wanted to stop players selling items on the side), but THE PROFIT by then. And we praised 'em for "fixing” the game after years. Ugh.
Bans player for freedom of speech. Players are on uproar. Congress gets in on the action. Blizzard backpedals publicly with the most NOTHING apology I've ever seen. Player (Blitzchung) is still banned.
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY9vBu0z8NQNotice how the guy, almost by reflex, makes a disclaimer to defend his PoV after pointing out this clearly predatory practice (which it is, if you think of what a remaster should be and the actual cost in production compared to the OG release, but I digress). This is what we do to each other by defending the companies. We attack each other to see who’s right and wrong, instead of just letting people voice their opinion freely (likewise you could voice support in the company’s social media “keep doing you” and the such, but it takes all kinds. Again, I digress).
Honestly, maybe I'm a dinasour that's been around for a while but I remember when cosmetics were unlockables and not DLC (as late as 2009, just look at Resident Evil 5, and that game GOT chopped up into DLC). Remember the uproar surrounding Oblivion Horse armor?Video about Horse Armor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uopSzlYo7sg
Fallout 76 promising "No game-affecting dlc" and "no Season pass"
Removes Shadow of War lootboxes over half a year later. Backpedals like it's their sudden realization. What about all the players that already paid for lootboxes? What about the people that were upset about this for months?
BIG day 1 dlc offender. They chopped up some characters OFF their fighting game, then added them later as DLC. The reason how we know the characters were ready at launch is because the character's data CAME WITH THE DISC and the DLC just unlocked them. They sold you a full 60 dollar game and then wanted some more, by hiding the actual cost of the FULL game through sketchy means.
Conclusion: If it wasn't clear by now, the companies that come out with the game's ratings, like ESRB and PEGI, that should be watching out for consumers, just cover corporate interests! Parent’s get the short end of the stick and companies just reply with empty PR statements, like “You can check the Parental Controls for your system,” which is corporate lingo for “you’re not getting your money back, we don’t care, sorry not sorry.” Most of the money doesn't even go to the devs, if that wasn't obvious by now. They get overworked (sometimes forced to do up to 100 hours a week!), then they get laid off anyways. The money goes to executives and stakeholders, who give each other multi-million dollar bonuses and shares. These execs act like they are nice and care about the consumer, and they even do self-deprecating jokes like they are self-aware. It's just a facade to placate us, to stay on our good side while they suck more money away from us. Game companies don’t validate their users’ grievances. They act like nothing is wrong, shut up complainers until the noise gets too loud (which not always happens) and then just do the thing they’ve been told to do for months while pretending they came up with on their own, or act like it’s some sudden realization and they’ve always had our best interests in mind... If that isn't obvious scumbag behavior IDK what is. I believe it is time that we as consumers put our foot down. Not because everyone else is gonna do it too and we’re gonna enforce some major change, but just because we, as individuals, refuse to be abused so. It’s up to each of us. And if enough people follow suit the market WILL change. Even if it doesn’t, that’s not a good enough reason to keep meekly paying the abusive corporations. So, this is a list of practices I believe should be stopped, by not supporting games that enforce them:
Always online DRM.
Microtransactions on full 60 dollar games.
Microtransactions on exclusively Singleplayer games.
Time saving microtransactions. (If you have to save my time on a game I played for entertainment, then you’re crippling it by design, instead of focusing on making it fun… just so I have to spend money to MAKE it fun. Just give me back cheat codes.)
Pre-ordering (stop throwing your money at incomplete products and empty promises out of hype and misplaced loyalty).
Justifying gating all good cosmetics behind microtransactions “because they don’t affect gameplay anyway”.I want to touch on this one.Cosmetics affect my gameplay experience. Growing up, a favorite part of a bunch of games was customizing my character, making it feel my own. It matters, that’s why game companies charge 10 dollars for a bunch of pixels; because enough players pay for those. Just look to Minecraft and Terraria and all those sandboxes, for crying out loud, and tell me it would be the same without the creative freedom to mod in your own skins. Why are we defending them taking that away and gating it behind MORE money? I’m not saying “DLC that comes afterwards should be free”. I’m saying, when I pay for a full priced game, I expect the full content they got, not a maimed version of it. I’m not buying a game in installments, that’s what episodic games are for.Seriously, there’s even a sense of elitism between paying players and “base skin” players in many games (Fortnite comes to mind prominently). Here, check out this talk that explains the psychology behind it in brutally honest terms by the very corporate execs that don’t really care about their consumers. Infamous Video - Let’s go whaling: Tricks for monetizing mobile game players with free-to-play:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNjI03CGkb4
With that said, Battle Passes also get on the list. On top of wanting you to spend money on cosmetics, they make you grind for them. You’re no longer buying the cosmetic, you’re buying the option to get the cosmetic by investing ungodly amount of hours on their product, on top of whatever price the Battle Pass has. This is just psychological manipulation on top of unfair content gating.
Gambling in video games: from lootboxes, to NBA’s predatory attempt on children. All of it. Gambling in videogames should receive an “Adult Only” rating, but if you can’t trust the ratings companies, why would you even risk being exposed to this BS?
Why support any of this anymore? Disclaimer: This is my take on the matter. I’ve tried to be impartial and back-up my arguments and provide as much info as I can. Truth be told, I’m quite bitter, and I’m aware. This list hurts me. I'd rather not support companies that make their living off the blood and sweat of hardworking people, and then spit in their faces. Who abuse the consumer and e-sport players and then try to take it back with lies. Who apologize like a manipulator trying to keep you nice and subdued, but do nothing about it. We get a choice of which business practices we support and which we don't. It's up to each of us. I don’t fully expect many people to actively boycott these companies: they do provide us with valued entertainment. But I urge anyone who reads this to not be so quick to forgive, and to never forget what it used to be like, how we got here today, and what it’s cost us. I leave you with this: These videosare a more in-depth look behind these scummy practices, and break it down pretty neatly, top to bottom. CAAApitalism: The Successful Failure of Videogames (The Jimquisition). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmW0GhdDOvw The Trouble with the Video Game Industry | Philosphy Tube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYkLVU5UGM8
Chapter 1: https://www.reddit.com/soccercourt/comments/c0o099/i_have_been_banned_from_rreddevils_and_i_am/ Chapter 2: https://www.reddit.com/soccercourt/comments/c1po9u/db_cooper727_vs_the_muppets_and_itks_of_rreddevils/ Tuesday, 18th June 2019. DB is very happy with himself. The thread was an even bigger success than he could have ever hoped for. His boss instantly offered him a pay rise when he got in to work, his girlfriend traded herself in for a more attractive woman, his parents asked him for pocket money. DB is on top of the world. Teenage heart-throb Adebayo Akinfenwa congratulates DB on the big win. DB has made new Arsenal friends on /Gunners, the kind Liverpool folk welcomed him on /LiverpoolFC. Support poured in through DMs to DB. The public haven't loved DB this much since he made reddevils believe de Ligt is going to United! If you mosey on over to Redcafe and peruse what their users were saying, there were even some United fans endeared by the charm and intellect of our dear DB(album). What I have established from that Redcafe thread is that, just as I thought all hope was lost, it turns out there is a group of United fans who are able to apply critical thinking and logic. In fact, if you look on page 25 of that thread, you can see them all laughing at how blatantly bollocks my made up rumour was. I had simply the most delightful people invite me to their Discord chats. As I was walking out of my house, my neighbour - a Yale graduate in town to learn the bond business - shook my hand and congratulated me on my big win. After exchanging pleasantries he said 'well, goodbye'. As he was walking away he stops. He turns and shouts; 'DB, /reddevils are a rotten crowd. You're worth the whole damn bunch put together', before giving an awkward wave. Internally he was always glad he said that. It was the only compliment he ever paid DB. Meanwhile, Spoofex stands with his source. 'You broke your promise', his source says. 'You fucking talked to them about me'. Spoofex asks what the fuck is going on. His source ignores him, stating 'I asked for one simple thing'. Spoofex demands to know why people think his source is him. 'Sit', his source says. Spoofex again demands to know why people think the source is him. 'I think you know', replies the source. Spoofex denies this fact. 'Yes you do, why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?' the source asks. ''I...I don't know' the feeble Spoofex responds. A moment of realisation sets in. 'No' he says, barely audible as he trails off. He starts to recount. All the text messages he sent to himself, all those nights alone he spent at the bar by himself, all the emails he sent to himself, all the times he...physically interacted with himself. 'Say it', the source demands. 'Because...' Spoofex trails off. 'Say it' the source demands. 'Because we're the same person' Spoofex says, in a state of despair. His source elaborates. 'You were looking for a way to change your life, you could not do this on your own'. Spoofex doesn't know how to respond. 'All the ways you wish you can be...', the source continues with his arms out-stretched, '...that's me'. 'I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I'm smart, I'm capable and most importantly, I'm In The Know'. Jroades, one of the co-founders of Muppetiers, announces they're going to stop accepting new ITKs in to Muppetiers. The other co-founder, Ubergorp, is beside himself as he tries to defend his filthy Frankenstein like creation on Redcafe. DB knows that Frankenstein was the doctor, but also subscribes to the notion that he was more of a monster than his creation ever was. Simply just operate on a higher level of thinking than most. Despite everyone now knowing it was a blatant lie, DB's update still sits top of the most upvoted /muppetiers threads ever, with someone having gilded it. Everything is rosy. DB is happy, no, DB is jubilant. He can retire now, for there is no need for DB to be around anymore. He's completely OWNED the ITKs and "muppets" of /reddevils. He can finally retire and get that cottage near the sea (but not the one on the cliff because coastal erosion can be deadly and potentially destroy the house, I mean at the very least it's going to heavily depreciate the value of it). Ah, what a wonderful life, you know what I really love is- WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? Suddenly the thought of the cottage disgusts DB. He hopes the coastal erosion occurs and he hopes it fucking sinks. You've just killed John Wick's dog you incompetent FOOLS. Did you really think there wouldn't be room on DB's mantle for the head of the /reddevils mods to join those of the ITKs and muppets?
de Ligt has gone out of my life - the ITK genocide
If you're reading this thread it's because overwhelming evidence has come out that proves Spoofex to be unreliable. The people in the top half of the last thread are not surprised, whereas the people in the bottom half are distraught. But don't worry. DB is here. DB was always here. You just didn't want to hear (this is clever because I ended all the sentences on a word that sounds the same but one of them didn't mean the same as the other two, make sure to acknowledge this). But it's over, you're free from Spoofex Manson's evil embrace. Contact Rightmove, your Jonestown property is going on the market. Spoofex's first response to the soccercourt thread was to press the AZ-5 button. This would explain why his information started to meltdown at nuclear proportions. In the 24 hours following DB Snowden's post, the following occurs: Spoofex on Rabiot pre-DB's update: medical Wednesday Spoofex on Rabiot post-DB's update: Rabiot is off Spoofex on de Ligt pre-DB's update: done deal, going to United. Spoofex on de Ligt post-DB's update: gives it an 8/10 for it happening, the whole deal is now a mess Spoofex on Fernandes pre-DB's update: done deal, going to United. Spoofex on Fernandes post-DB's update: the whole deal is now a mess Now, I know what you're all going to argue. "DB, this doesn't mean he's unreliable, it's more likely that your post actually put a lot of players off wanting to join Manchester United". Yes, of course DB considered that possibility, but these are players who are sought after by some of the biggest clubs in the world, who regularly play CL football, have qualified football managers, don't sing about beans. These players didn't need DB to show them the light. No, I'm afraid to say that Spoofex was lying from the off. Then, on Wednesday, Spoofex's source takes leave for a week. The guy who has an in-depth knowledge of transfers, who is intrinsic to the process, is apparently allowed to take leave during what is allegedly going to be United's biggest week of the entire window. Well, either that or our buddy Spoof popped a Chlorpromazine tablet. But of course /reddevils buy this, because apparently despite DB being the unemployed one, they don't seem to understand the concept of not being allowed to take leave during incredibly busy periods of trade. Later Wednesday was the fantastic Mata debacle. A player who first wasn't offered a new contract, then offered but not signing, then was only signing for a year, ends up signing a 2 year deal with the option to extend for a further year. Spoofex has told us we can't give him shit for that though, and given his position as mod on /reddevils it's pretty clear that's more of a thinly veiled threat than a "c'mon guys" type of comment. DB knows full well what happens when you try to question Spoofex's reliability. Strangely, Spoofex's Summer 2019 Transfer History thread on the critically acclaimed /spoofex sub-reddit is then removed. Previously a thread Spoofex recorded every single one of his updates in, he's now binned it. Starting to look like Spoofex doesn't want the likes of DB keeping up with his lies. DB claims the scalp of another ITK as drewing bows out in disgrace, nuking his entire post history. Conveniently after the Italian + Dutch press break the de Ligt to Juventus news. DB knows, it's shocking. Drewing was a liar too? The guy who told people he's a student in America doesn't know of the inner workings of United's transfer business? The guy who won back so much public acclaim when he apologised in DB's last thread, yet was more than happy to renege on DB's charitable bet? Who would have thought you couldn't trust him! (nb: someone pm'd DB saying they'd donate $20 to a charity of DB's choice if i went back in on reddevils. if you are still willing to uphold that, i'd like alder hey to at least see a portion of the money they're going to miss from drewing) DB's name has been censored on /reddevils. Any mention of it sees your comment/post removed, and any support shown sees you banned. The name of DB Cooper, now intertwined with the exposure of Spoofex and the ITKs as being unreliable, is one the mods now fear. However, the movement lives on. The movement - which unbeknown to them has been dubbed Children of Cooper (CoC) - continues to wage war against the inconsistency of the ITK culture. This particular exchange, between an ITK doubtful and a clear admirer of Coopism, is telling of the change in tune the sub-reddit has gone through since DB blew the lid off their stew of deceit. Muppetiers, who have now noticeably slowed down their updates since the events on that fateful Monday night, start to be criticised for putting out nothing news. As Cooper rightly suggested at the end of his last thread, the ITK culture doesn't, in reality, stay secluded to the muppet thread. It spills out, with fumes of negativity being inhaled by every reddevils subscribers. One eagle-eyed CoC notices this and plonks his gnashers in to the neck of an unsuspecting muppet. DB's body starts to seize up with joy. They love DB. They all love DB. Set forth, my beautiful children.
So does spoofex get away with filling us with shit from his fake source for the last few weeks?
Can't wait for a in ITK to post some bullshit info tomorrow about a midweek announcement. Then this place to be happy and buzzing for a couple of days then the midweek day comes and nothing happens then Thursday until Friday night for things to grow violent and then some wanky glazers out thing to start and then everyone fall out with each other, have a go at Lingard and then on Sunday start all over again.
Can we get rid of the muppet thread now?Its not even fun anymore just a bunch of low effort posts for karma on there
Woo another muppet meltdown. These threads are so entertaining I hope they return next year.
Bit convenient how he said that when mdl to juve news broke. Coukd be aload of bullshit too. Why didnt he post the news earlier if he had any?
Spoofex is fraud
Theory: His source hasn't changed from the "De Ligt isn't coming" stance, spoofex got baited into "confirming" after every "ITK" said he was coming so that he wouldn't be left behind on the off chance that the club actually announced the deal.
I’ll be interested to hear why spoof was so convinced MDL was coming when he signs for another club.
The inevitable Spoofex Roast thread is gonna be legendary lol. Hope some have their jokes ready.
They dont spoof just said so because he thought de ligt was coming on the plane and now it has been found out that it is bs he is going back on what he said
Spoof saying the medical was for rabiot makes no sense united would never book a medical in for someone they have not guaranteed to be signing. Every day spoof looks less and less reliable to the point where I dont care about his updates anymore
Believing spoofex even though he constantly changes his stance and barely gets much right- ✔️
Ive been getting grilled on here for even suggesting that spoofex might be a liar. Just because he has history and is a mod. That update today is so blatantly a backtrack on the Wednesday medical promise he made. Which then tells us that he definitely did add the medical part after seeing the fake plane report. I'm convinced now, but we will know the truth shortly anyway. Regardless, this is a muppet thread. We move onto another ITK to blindly believe hahaha
Spoofex son...This looks like a huge backtrack to me, why on God's Earth would there be a medical for someone who hadn't agreed to join. That literally impossible.
I think we all know Rabiot was off the cards realistically according to reports over the last 2 days but this whole medical on Wednesday getting cancelled thing doesn’t sit nicely with me it just seems so convenient and I know I’m gonna get downvoted for speaking my honest opinion but it is what it is.
So there was a medical scheduled out of the blue after the fake itk told his tale, now that itk outed his story the medical is apparently cancelled, how very convenient isn't it.
Welcome to another classic Spoofex self contradictory post that follows the news cycle. Utter charlatan.
Why is Spoofex so trusted as some great insider, when he is clearly wrong on nearly everything here is what he said on Mata for example, quotes of his on the subject:"Mata is going. No contract is on offer and he isn't asking for one.""I'm in complete opposition to Stone on the Mata contract. I've been pretty vehemently told we're not giving him one." And after the United website published the fact that we were talking with Mata over a new contract: "The offer that did go in is for a paycut, and that pretty much killed it. They still don't expect to see him next season." "we are giving Mata one more year." He has called the whole situation completely wrong all summer the same as with multiple other stories.
Why have the other ITKs suddenly stopped providing updates?
Only some ITKs are saying that MdL is going to Utd. Still can't believe that people expect him to sign. No credible source is even mentioning Utd.
im so fucking pissed that the puppeteers have refused to reveal new info about MDL but it has also been a huge help to say the least. However doesn't anyone find it interesting how since then there have been no mupdates. living proof of the piggybacking ffs.
A few speculations are around that some ITKs were only providing information they saw from other ITKs. So as some of the 'legitimate' ITKs stopped providing info for whatever reason, the other ITKs have nothing to piggyback off. That could be entirely wrong, but it has been what is speculated.
Has normal ITK information dried up or is it just the aftermath of that psychopath DB.
He is waiting for Muppetiers :) Edit: Seriously go look, his last big update was 2 days ago and so was Muppetiers, he posted about that medical on a Wednesday 10 minutes after the troll said De Ligt was coming on a Tuesday via Muppetiers also. And now his source is "away" while their updates have stopped? Hah. I wish i could believe him as well be so much more interesting.
DB was doubted. DB was spat on. DB was vilified. Yet, indisputably, DB was right. Now everybody believes DB. Whether they like it or not, they have Luis Figo'd over from the cult of Spoofex to the Children of Cooper.
To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal.
Hello jroades and ubergorp! Not had a chance to talk to you lovely gentlemen since my last post. I know that ubergorp is very sensitive to criticism, and that jroades is very worried I'm going to dig up some of his more unsavoury history on The_Donald. Don't worry, DB is only going to go after one of those angles. You're safe, jroades, not sure even I can produce a drawn-out verbose section on you being a bad knobhead who supports Trump. I think Reddit is tired with that in general. (nb: to find some of these jroades comments I had to scroll through 35+ pages on his profile. they were posted on monday. DB is the one with no life.) Muppetiers markets itself on being this big anonymous aggregator where all your news stays completely confidential. Yet DB notices some inconsistencies with this. From the off, compulsive liar jroades told DB "everything you share directly to us is 100% private" and that you wouldn't share any details. Then, why is it in the direct aftermath of the soccercourt thread you tried to justify your bamboozlement by saying you spent hours running the info through other people? DB's fake information was strictly for the eyes of him, jroades and ubergorp. That was the deal. DB feels completely violated that you shared his made up bollocks, it's a complete betrayal, you're the worst twosome since the Kray twins, how could you possibly dare do this to our young and aspiring ITK? Who are these people you're sharing the information with? You were more than happy to jovially quip to DB about some mug who came to you and posted his real press credentials. You told me that after a few messages, God knows the kind of people you're "running" ITK's confidential information through. Why is it that Spoofex and the entire /reddevils mod team are now being given this confidential information? That's at least 10 more people than you previously promised getting the information, with one of them operating under the same umbrella of being an alleged ITK. DB would like to know, why would anyone ever even think about giving you genuine information when you're bandying it around the mod team, as well as the unknown quantity of the other people you're running information past. You've set up a system where trust is at best one-way, and is purely self-serving in the hope that you, your mates and the mods of reddevils will get little snippets of information before they're made public. DB is disgusted by this and delighted that he got all your hopes up before absolutely demolishing them. DB would like the record to show that he'd trust those fucking weird Olsen twins with his personal information before ever even considering handing it over to the pair of utter charlatans that are uberoades. By the way, I know you've got some response prepared on the basis that DB is up to as many as 3 of the ITKs currently feeding your information. Going to have to keep that response in your drafts I'm afraid chaps. None of that will be getting revealed today.
Thu Jun 20 2019 22:02:57 GMT+0100 (British Summer Time)
DB wins. Alexa, play Daryl Hall & John Oates – You Make My Dreams. Merely 3 days after DB Cooper's case of the century, Spoofex has bowed down. What triggered this? Dominic Fifield and Simon Stone, two of DB's best friends. See, cast your mind back through the sewage of lies and insufferably pretentious nonsense that Spoofex has been Spoutexing, and you'll remember three letters, and a tick. June 17th:
But don't stop here, let the sewage wash you further down the dark hole of sick, twisted lies and land upon Spoofex's horrendous attention seeking post, dated June 11th.
AWB Done - £53m
Wednesday was the first hint that this was a lie, as Duncan Castles came out and reported a deal had been agreed between Palace and United. Then, on Thursday, reliable Crystal Palace journalist and best man at DB's first wedding Dominic Fifield puts down Spoofex in brutal fashion. Then, as the dishevelled remains of Spoofex's charred body tries to grasp at any opportunity to defend himself, DB's godfather Simon "Jon Bones Jones" Stone(s) comes out and wallops him in to irrelevance. Two points to talk about from Spoofex's coming out post:
Roast Thread: jesus christ have you ever officially ruled out any potential relation to the Kardashians? How desperate are you for attention? This is a stupid idea because nobody that would possibly have the substance to go in on you will be able to post because you've fucking banned us all. I think even the most ardent of spoofex arse chuggers would agree that if any roast thread is to take place, DB should be temporarily unbanned for it.
Moderator Review: oh fuck off, again you know that nobody is going to demand you step down because anyone who pointed out the blatant conflict in interest has already been silenced by the pack of hounds that protect you at all cost.
Very tame consequences considering when reddevils started the ITK nonsense in the summer, people who took the "tier challenge" and were proven to be wrong got permanently banned from the sub-reddit. You started being ITK at this time, why shouldn't you be liable to the same punishment?
Responding to Nobodies
DB has had a lot of shit thrown at him these past few days. Paraphrasing very slightly, but here is DB's response to some of them.
you just don't understand the muppets thread lol we're just joking around it's all for fun haha you fucking cunt i hope you fucking die you autistic incel
... no, it's not just for fun. your response to my second thread wouldn't have been so intense if everything was being taken in good spirits. your fellow united fan, cliche guevara, said it best on redcafe.
what about xisimon he's reliable right
fuck simon and fuck you too.
you're scum, you joked about a city fan having acid thrown at their face!!
nope, i joked about the city squad singing about sean cox and referenced they'd do the same in relation to the acid attack. however i did blame the murder of lyra mckee on the entire celtic fanbase so go wild with that. if you're going to have the audacity to slander the great cooper name, and try to defame the phenomenal character that db possesses, then at least be accurate with our flawless hero's past misdemeanours.
impersonation is a bannable offence!
you can't impersonate someone who never existed.
you evaded your reddevils ban and that's against reddit policy!
nope, never used the ITK account to post on reddevils. only used it to feed muppetiers information. if anything it was the muppetiers who facilitated the words of a banned user to be posted, and they're the account who should be suspended for evading a ban. i'll make sure to swallow my pride and report them.
this is harassment, i'll see you in court!
yeah alright spoofex didn't even want to come to a meme online court i'm sure the hermit is more than willing to leave his house and go to an actual court.
ok so you fooled hundreds of people and ruined their fun, does this really make you feel good? like actually?
more than you will ever know.
this is so sad! i wish i had this much free time!
you ever watched two football games in the space of 3 days? 90 mins + injury time + half time equates to roughly 2 hours per game, 4 hours in total (not counting pre-match and post-match discussion). the post took me less time than that. so yeah, you probably do have that much free time.
you have no friends
a sacrifice DB is willing to make for the greater good.
oh my name is typersniper and i'm being a little bitch
stop being a bitch typer.
you're great DB you should be unbanned from /soccer
i'll be honest DB really is struggling to defend himself on this one. DB therefore concedes the point and will humbly face being unbanned.
Responding to Nobodies Who Don't Realise They're Nobodies
To the Reddevils mods, DB now speaks directly to you. Not just a man, not just a great man, but my friend wonderfuladventure contacted you to stop the brigading, racism, death threats and casual rape mentions. Your response? To ban the most wonderful of adventures, and to grass to the Reddit admins and have DB banned for 3 days. Now, ladies and gentleman, and whatever vile creatures fester inside the horrible incestuous pit of despair that Reddevils call their mod team, here is the exchange that the aforementioned wonderfuladventure had with their mod team: Full conversation You'll notice our friendly and righteous moderator makes mention of the fact that this sexy concoction of looks, charm and physique stood before you actually reached out to mr.wonderfuladventure before making the second thread. That's because I knew what kind of community the reddevils mod team have moulded under their dictatorship. Proof of these messages can be found here You'll notice at the bottom there I brought the thread earlier. This is because your subscribers started harassing de Ligt's girlfriend on Instagram. Don't you find it worrying that, despite the fact I exposed your entire farcical ITK bollocks, and that I called the fact that your subscribers would absolutely disgrace themselves, you're still too blinded to see it being anyone but my fault? Gee willikers, even Redcafe know of your reputation. You'll notice it's the mod by the name of seaders who is being all-righteous in that mod mail. Seemed to change his tune a few hours later... I'm fine with you getting down and dirty with me, seaders, but first I'm going to have to put on Newcastle shirt and chin that moral high horse that's keeping you aloft. Speaking of harassment and abuse, DB would like to present you with a table.
Still active on reddevils?
you're a brainless redneck
Youve never been close to a girl in your life. You come across as the type of guy that throws a hissy fit when you don't get a reply to your desperate message, then call her a bitch and say she should get raped by a Chad.
this is the hight of autism
Cooper, I hope somebody punches you in the face, you little rat.
Clearly some thrash born in a trash can and obviously jobless.
What sort of life do you live that makes you want to lie to hundreds of people get a fucking job you sad cunt
What a. Fucking cunt
You sad sad cunt get a life 😂😂😂🤣you salty fucker
You sir, are a cunt.
Fuck off cunt
I'd ban you for being a cunt too
to clarify, these green ticks mean that yes, they are still active on the sub-reddit. i know it gets confusing when earlier on spoofex's green ticks meant the exact opposite of yes. This is just from the soccercourt threads. Literally hundreds more littered all over reddevils. I must say, dear reddevil mods, that you did an absolutely fantastic job at clamping down on targeted harassment. Obviously I'm not saying ban these people. Be a bit difficult when two of your mods joined in and were subsequently banned from soccercourt. But don't try to act all high and mighty about harassment when you actually only care about people being big meanies to spoofex. After all, if you turn on him then he'll stop dripping you that sweet, sweet Kool-Aid (I have no idea if this reference makes sense but you're all American so I have to level with you in some way). I understand you letting people go wild at DB. He's the ring-leader, right? The chupacabra of reddevils, if you will. He deserves it! Where DB draws the lines is you acting complicit in the abuse hurled towards DB's FRIENDS. These are GOOD PEOPLE. I'm freaking SHAKING. The noble Backseatsman was violently abused by oldhunterbean. This was in a direct reply to Spoofex, who did nothing about it. Mods aren't even trying to hide their bias. Thesolly180 then narrowly missed what can only be described as blatant attempted GBH. "Oh, but DB, Solly was mentioned in Pillock69's farewell post, he must be a weirdo!". It was 3 years ago, people change damnit! This comment, by the way, from MexicansInParis. This guy is so far up Spoofex he should take up a job as a full-time tapeworm. Clearly buoyed on safe with the knowledge he has the Beltrán-Leyva cartel's backing, he next comes for wonderfuladventure. He then tries to come for all the kings at once. Oh dear lord, what a sad little life MexicansInParis. Seems like this is a very consistently abusive member of the reddevils community. Wonder what their mods will do. SlainteCeltic then comes after the reading abilities of wonderfuladventure. Sources contradict this, however, as someone who is very close to Jorge Mendes reliably informed DB that wonderfulaventure was a free reader as early as year 4. Stynes comes after CoC patron sorrytoruinyourday. If he's weird then DB doesn't want to be normal. But DB is very normal. Big man targeryian then decides to come for the entire court, essentially committing an act of treason in the process. But hey, you're never going to take action when the abuse and harassment comes at the expense of DB and his back-of-the-bus tier friends. But what about that kid that your users bullied off reddevils? Or did he deserve it too? It's alarming how easy it is to find examples of your users being abusive and displaying signs of very clear harassment. Redcafe knows about your reputation, I can assure you de Ligt's girlfriend knows about it, everybody involved in soccercourt saw the very blatant brigading that took place within the first few hours of the thread. It's incredible how you can have such a stringent grip over harassment and abuse when it's against Spoofex, yet allow other examples of it to run rampant. Every example I listed there is from just two Muppet threads. You know, those threads that are a joke. And no one takes seriously. That culminated in a kid deleting his account because he was bullied, that culminated in drewing and his girlfriend being doxxed. I think we can all agree these are classic light-hearted jokes. You're bad at what you signed up to do and protect only a handful of the 165k subscribers you've got. You got me banned for harassment, have put out a gagging order on people mentioning my name and ban anyone who supports me. All because I criticised Spoofex. Yet you won't so much as try to pretend to protect any of your other users. But you are happy to use the drewing doxxing incident as a stick to beat the soccercourt mods with, because despite the fact it happened completely on your watch, the incident is apparently indicative of the larger consequences of the alleged poor moderation by the soccercourt team. There is no reason for the ITK threads to stay other than to feed Spoofex's ego. He's conceded defeat now, so I expect they'll soon be discontinued. Ironic that DB, a man famed in real-life for being a con man, famed on Reddit for being a sexy con man, has managed to correctly predict the actions of your sub-reddit better than anyone else yet. But it's all DB's fault. DB thinks not. swishswish "what's that sound?", DB hears you ask. That's the sound of DB's magic anti-harassment wand, casting a spell over the contents of this thread to protect it from being considered as harassment. Move along, Reddit Admins. Ah; missed one... DB_Cooper727 ✔️
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3-Way Betting Explained with Examples (also known as 1x2)
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