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life in science fantasy land part two | introducion to a new world
“Alright, now that I know everyone’s names, forgive me if I forget them I’m not great with names, where in the universe am I?'' Felicity spoke up, “incorrect, you are not in the universe. This is a separate timespace parallel to the universe, our predecessors found it and made it into a safe haven for outcasts, these days that's mostly people like you, who have a supercharged phone, you don't know what that thing can do yet so let me give you the short version: if it has digital components, you can connect and hack it, no wireless signals, no going through less secure devices on the same network, you can hack a digital thermostat with no network connectivity from over 20 feet away. And that's one of the less powerful functions.” She continued. “Your phone can also utilize programmable matter, that car that brought you here is made entirely of it, it can change shape on a whim, if anyone can figure out how to dictate shape with lines of code. And you have an unlimited universal calling plan.” “That’s the short version?” I asked. “Its a bit complicated,” she said. “Alright, onto more pressing matters: I was told there was food.” alec ducked his head back in from the deck. “grill is done grilling.” When I set foot onto the deck I had a feeling that everything I’m seeing couldn’t be happening. Abby walked up beside me. “I’m the second newest, after you, I imagine its feeling quite surreal right about now?” “can your magic phone read minds too?” I asked. “No, just intuition and personal experience.” “how long did you take to settle in?” “a few days before the surreal feeling left, and a few more before this place started feeling like home.” A few hours passed, and as time went on I became more open to my new reality. It certainly beats my old one, living paycheck to paycheck. A thought crossed my mind. “You guys seem to have some expensive stuff, so either you guys are rich, or I’m missing something.'' Bob laughed. “All of us were rather poor, low middle class to be specific. Money just isn’t a thing here, everyone gets what they need and programmable matter takes care of the rest. It ain’t like living on earth, its kinda like communism, but less broken, everyone is well off, the higher-ups are honest people, it’s a good life here so don't worry about it.” that did put me at ease a bit. After a while, we all retreated to our rooms for the night. Six people in one house may sound cramped but we all had individual rooms, vary large rooms too. Some of my stuff survived the fire, like my laptop, the aluminum case was scorched but when I pressed the power button I was greeted with the GRUB menu, I loaded into ubuntu and it fired right up, after a two-minute wait. I opened the settings and found a WIFI signal, I connected to it and opened chromium, I logged into google drive and it worked. “Even across spacetimes I still have internet access,” I said as I powered it back off, the charger was toast so I had limited battery life, I noticed my ps4 was also present, two of my three controllers, my jailbroken ps3, two ps4 controller chargers, my TV somehow made it, and my phone charger, because I might need to charge my battery post-heat death of the universe. I lay down in bed and opened the contacts menu, I thought about calling my grandmother and telling her I was alive, but that would only confuse her, and I don't even know if I’m presumed dead, its a safe bet but I’m unlucky. I noticed some new contacts, all of them looked like Minecraft enchanting table language so I ignored them and went to sleep. I woke up the next day and powered on my laptop to notice it too had an infinite battery. I scratched my head and rebooted to windows 10. When it loaded up I closed the screen and tucked it under my arm and went out to the others, “so why does my laptop have an infinite battery?” “good morning to you too,” Alec said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Your stuff showed up here before you left earth, and being the massive tech nerd I am, I told felicity to take a look at the hardware because laptops and I don't get along, she swapped out your five-year-old battery for the current one, she soldered on a discrete GPU, she upgraded the processor, and doubled the RAM.” Felicity walked out, “I was tempted to upgrade the hard drive but I decided a terabyte was probably enough.” I set my laptop on the table and opened it up, I opened the task manager and found out that they were right, everything was as they said. “Also that’s now a quad-core with hyperthreading.” “Thanks a ton!” I said as I downloaded Samsung DEX. I got up while the installer ran and got myself a bowl of cereal. Abby came out rubbing sleep from her eyes. “What the hell are you being so loud about,” she grumbled. “Tech,” I responded. “Go figure.” she rolled her eyes. We all sat around the table and talked for a bit, I was prowling the internet for a copy of AutoDesk 123d design. I had an idea regarding programmable matter. Eventually, there was a knock at the door. When nobody else moved I closed my laptop and got up, I opened the door to a young man with red hair and blue eyes, “your Damon?” “who’s asking?” “names Steve, I’m here to talk to you about something, it’s been called everything from a tradition to a hazing ritual, everyone shows up in a fancy car made of programmable matter, and they are quite fast. I always race the new guy. What do you say, and no, you don't have a choice.” I put on a sly smile. “Well, not to celebrate a victory before its earned or anything but I’m gonna smoke you.” I put a little bit of a threatening undertone into my voice at the end. “We’ll see about that,” he said before closing the door. I turned around to see everyone at the top of the stairs. Alec spoke up: “you must have some balls to talk to him that way, you know he’s modded his car right? It won’t be fair.” I smiled. “Oh, it won’t be fair alright. But I have a few ideas, I’m something of an ‘armchair automotive engineer’, and if I can figure out how to better optimize my car, it will fly.” I sat down and pulled open AutoDesk 123d design. Two days, twenty design documents, fourteen diagrams, five self-written programs, and a lecture from my car later I was wheeled up to the start line next to Steve at the start line, it was a street race and the roads were closed off. Abby sat next to me in the passenger seat. “You really think using those forms in a live race is a good idea? They have not been tested at all, aside from inside the garage but your super pursuit mode depends on converting a running turbofan into a ramjet, do you know how hard that is to get right?” “first of all: if your scared of me crashing you can get out now, second, I have tested it, just not in motion.” the traffic lights turned yellow. “You may want to keep your back against the seat. Tim, transform to pursuit mode.” the car’s body panels and frame reconfigured themselves into a ford mustang with a massive engine. The light turned green and I put my foot to the floor, buddy was spinning his wheels while my throttle control program kept the back wheels from spinning out, allowing me to pick up speed faster. I was in the lead for all of thirty seconds before I heard the sound of a jet as steve cruised by. “What’s he got under the hood? Sounds like a jet.” I asked the car. “Scans indicate the presence of an auxiliary boost system that resembles a jet engine.” We turned a corner and came up to a long stretch of straight road. “Tim, give me super pursuit mode.” the car lowered, the front seats slid back and the windscreen was angled down farther, canards deployed from the sides to create additional downforce, the engine reconfigured into a ramjet. And the ramjet screamed as it roared to life. I felt Abby grab my arm as we accelerated up to over three hundred KPH in a single second. We flew past a vary surprised steve and into the next corner, the car popped up on two wheels as I turned the corner and flew across the finish line. I hit the breaks and slowed to a halt. I stepped out of the car “FUCK YEAH!!!” I screamed as a vary angry steve rolled across the finish line behind me. He stepped out of his car. “How did you do that?” his teeth were clenched so hard I was worried they might crack and he’d blame me for it. “Give me one good reason why I should tell you.” “so I can crush you in the rematch!” he screamed as he got back in his car, slammed the door, and took off. I got back in my car, “take us home Tim, and revert to normal while you’re doing so.” It was a quiet drive home, aside from Abby’s progressively slowing breathing. “What’s wrong?” I eventually asked her. “Nothing, just, speed, and almost flipping.” “you don't crave speed do you?” “do you?” she asked, shocked. “I wouldn’t say I crave it, but I do like the rush it brings.” “It is a rush, but I don't like it.” “and that’s totally fine.” We pulled into the garage and walked inside. Felicity stormed up to me and slapped me across the face “YOU BRAINDEAD IDIOT! YOU COULD HAVE DIED PULLING THAT STUNT!” she screamed. “Sorry, I had no idea I’d end up going that fast.” “it’s not the speed, its that last turn, you went into that turn way to fast.” “it was a safe bet.” she looked ready to punch me. “Super pursuit mode is designed to create downforce to keep the car from becoming a plane, and I have the program set to adjust the canards and spoiler to keep the car from flipping, and now I know it works.” she threw another slap, I blocked and threw a punch, stopping just short of her nose. “Do you really want to continue this?” I asked her. “I get that your angry, but throwing hands is not how to express it properly, and if you throw hands at me I will defend myself.” I stepped back as she took a deep breath. “You’ve got one thick skull you know that?” “that's what they tell me.” After Felicity cooled off to a low boil I sat down with my trusty laptop and plugged my phone into it, I used the USB tethering to remotely enter the car’s computer and read the output, when I was presented with a text file long enough to stretch across Canada I laughed and decided to see what was going on downstairs. I walked down the stairs and saw something I’ll never forget, Felicity had set up a 3D printer and printed a GPU, then slotted it into a computer and powered it on, after she pulled up the device manager I saw the card was being recognized. I walked over. “I s-” she jumped so high her hair brushed against the ceiling. “Sorry.” I apologized. “I said, I see you're putting my work to good use.” I gestured to the computer. “Yeah, getting small details right with code was always hard, nigh-on impossible actually, then you wrote an alternate version of an AutoCAD program and this has made it way easier. How did you do that?” “Trade secret. No, I just got the car to do the hard part, materials, every element and every combination of elements and every possible molecule, the code pertaining to all that was filled in by the car’s computer, I figured since I had a supercomputer I might as well use it. A lot of it was changing the output to a special file format that supports different materials, and I got the format from the car since it can use these files as a blueprint to reconfigure itself.” “Neat. I’ll have a gaming box for everyone in no time at this rate. Thanks for sharing your program with us.” “no problem.” “oh, alec wants to speak to you, he’s on the back deck.” “Thanks.” I nodded and walked upstairs and outside. “Hey how good are you at stealth?” he asked. “I’m fine thank you very much, as for stealth, I have no idea. Depends on the circumstances and how I’m feeling.” “We do a sort of metal gear solid paintball thing every now and then, hasn’t happened in a while since some of Abby’s gear broke after she fell out of a tree, but since Felicity can just print anything she damn well pleases we can hold the event, normally I don't give somebody a week to prepare but since you seem like a god damned genius I’ll give you a week to build a kit, anything goes with the exceptions of no killing, maiming, or directly hacking the programable matter used by anyone else. Use common sense to answer any questions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to convince Tess to play paintball with someone she barely knows.” “good luck man.” I went back to my room and opened my laptop. I had a few ideas for some gear, but first I had to research so many things.
ACS | June 30th, 2020 | Jeff Cesario and Ami Horowitz
Download/Listen:https://adamcarolla.com/jeff-cesario-ami-horowitz/ Summary: At the top of today’s show, the guys go through their birthdays to see who shares the date with the best celebs. Ami Horowitz then calls in from New York after just returning from an Occupy City Hall demonstration. He goes on to talk about media malpractice, and the guys commiserate about growing up in North Hollywood. Adam then asks Ami about highlights from his career path, and the guys go on to talk about his experience working as an investment banker on Wall Street. Later, the guys talk with callers about leftover rules, and Adam recalls an awkward conversation he had with his mom about ‘healthy granola’. Before the break, he talks with more callers about his education level, and the passing of Benny Mardones. Jeff Cesario is on the line next, and Adam talks to him about his life decision to become a comedian, and the new standup/sketch show he’s been working on. Chet Waterhouse then chimes in this week’s Sports Report. Up next, the guys watch a video of Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest publicity stunt. Gina also reads news stories about Cam Newton, Colin Kaepernick, and a new biopic of Aretha Franklin starring Jennifer Hudson. Later they talk about Jenna Marbles getting ‘cancelled’, and the show wraps up with a conversation about ‘Karens’ losing their minds over facemask rules. Follow Ami on Twitter @AmiHorowitz and get more info at http://amihorowitz.com Also subscribe to ‘Play with Pain’ and visit http://jeffcesario.com PLEASE SUPPORT TODAY’S SPONSORS! Skrewball Peanut Butter Whisky Geico.com SimpliSafe.com/ADAM TommyJohn.com/ADAM BetOnline enter PODCASTONE Links KABC Radio Michael Jackson Sacha Baron Cohen trolls redneck rally Terry Tate Super Bowl Commercial RESPECT | Official Teaser Trailer Karen Goes On A Rampage! Starts THROWING HER GROCERIES! 'I have a breathing problem,' yells maskless Trader Joe's shopper who was kicked out of store A Message
https://preview.redd.it/7qcgj402ulj41.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=b294ace8709b55b08a34c677285d2aeb45ec7437 AmplifyRP is a Whitelisted RP server on FiveM with One-Sync. Come join our server! ---- https://discord.gg/fJ35mrH ---- http://amproleplay.com/index.html We are looking for other serious role players, either new or experienced to come and join us in a growing city! We just released our biggest update yet, adding tons of new activities and performance increases all while keeping high quality gameplay our number one priority! Below is a little more about our city, we hope you make Amplify your new RP home! -TokoVOIP Audio for a peerless audio experience with radios as well! Keep an open line of communication with you and your friends or employees :) This does require a special plug-in along with TeamSpeak3, but don't worry, install is easy and instructions can be found on our Discord. Some players have even downloaded an additional plug-in to share their music while driving and about their day. :) -Whitelisted Jobs - LEO / EMS / Mechanic / Car Sales / Real Estate / Lawyer - We are actively hiring for all roles in the city, join our Discord to find out how to apply to the position of your choosing and help make Los Santos the best it can be! https://discord.gg/fJ35mrH -Legal Jobs - Fishing, Forklift, Lumber-jacking, Mining, Pool cleaning, Tailoring, Dog Walking, Pizza Delivery and Uber! Make that sweet, sweet clean money, baby. -Realistic Economy - Handmade realistic economy to give a stronger sense of realism and immersion. -Medical System - Skeletal and additional injuries to make living (and dying) in Los Santos feel more realistic. -HUD - Fresh, clean, and updated HUD when you're driving around to make you feel super sleek ;) -Inventory - Updated inventory for your viewing pleasure while you're stashing away your items. -Phones - Twitter, Instagram, Yellow Pages, bank access, and several more apps to keep yourself entertained with. -Vehicle Sales - Go buy yourself a new vehicle at PDM! Vehicles rotate every so often, at the car salesmen's leisure. -Illegal Activities - Hidden robberies, illegal jobs, drugs (with effects), chop shops and more, all found through roleplay. Your crim will be kept satisfied for a very long time. -Crafting System- Craft all of your illegal items and weapons, after they've been discovered through roleplay. -Stress System - Gives a more real feel to your experience by stressing you out in crazy situations! There are even visual effects when you reach a certain point of stress, so don't push yourself! -Street Racing - Seamless street racing, line up your racers, place your bets, and buckle up! (But don't get caught ;) ) -Custom Cars- Imported cars are always being flown in, as well as custom vehicle handling to give you a realistic drift. -Motels / Properties - 9 different motels to pick from, and 315 different customizable locations to buy your own property and stash your items and change your clothes. The choices are yours! From living in the city, to Paleto Bay and Sandy Shores in between. -Custom Police Departments (with brand new MDT and vehicles) and Pillbox Medical Center (with custom vehicles). -Diamond Casino - Slots, Roulette, and Blackjack for you to sink your time (and probably money) into. -Worried about being bored? Not only do we have the casino, but there is a bowling alley, cinema, golf course, gyms, paintball, and some characters offer entertainments as jobs (such as DJs, strippers, etc)! Just a few of the many activities we have to keep the RP fresh! -Active Admins, Moderators, and Development- We are here to help! We are always available via Discord to answer any questions as well as take any feedback you may have. Please, do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything! <3 --------------------------------------------------------------- -Discord- https://discord.gg/fJ35mrH -Requirements- MUST HAVE a working microphone to be able to communicate effectively. Keyboard and mouse is highly recommended, but not required. 18+ Only as we are looking for a mature player base to populate the city. Streamers are welcome, but must abide by the streamer rules (mostly common sense) listed in the discord. MUST JOIN Discord to be able to apply as you must fill out a whitelist application and wait for approval before you are able to join the city! Hit up the #whitelist-application channel to apply today! --------------------------------------------------------------- We hope to see you in the city soon! Check out our city pics below! https://preview.redd.it/uw9m2laxwlj41.png?width=1188&format=png&auto=webp&s=3bfe61d82b655762a2f7f95194770ce0bc93f1ef https://preview.redd.it/jgw95rqywlj41.png?width=904&format=png&auto=webp&s=09e3ecddb5909a01f450fb4c77ce08d6376a9e0a https://preview.redd.it/ewmknkszwlj41.png?width=958&format=png&auto=webp&s=802d751e98d2c4fcb028d6abce5774800523c104 https://preview.redd.it/hps37x74xlj41.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b245124e383c697d7dc2237bcdde8d4f9c41564 https://preview.redd.it/kfq4plv6xlj41.png?width=1023&format=png&auto=webp&s=70d8b09602edb86386c73b68dbca7a7a80853209 https://preview.redd.it/6w8inu78xlj41.jpg?width=1023&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f3f1bfbbe2dc27cc553a3fc886ada8aa651dbd9e https://preview.redd.it/hu8cff9axlj41.png?width=1085&format=png&auto=webp&s=f51044337fb9bfe6821e619352b3bf2547b43062
We are looking for other serious role players, either new or experienced to come and join us in a growing city! We just released our biggest update yet, adding tons of new activities and performance increases all while keeping high quality gameplay our number one priority! Below is a little more about our city, we hope you make Amplify your new RP home! -TokoVOIP Audio for a peerless audio experience with radios as well! Keep an open line of communication with you and your friends or employees :) This does require a special plug-in along with TeamSpeak3, but don't worry, install is easy and instructions can be found on our Discord. Some players have even downloaded an additional plug-in to share their music while driving and about their day. :) -Whitelisted Jobs - LEO / EMS / Mechanic / Car Sales / Real Estate / Lawyer - We are actively hiring for all roles in the city, join our Discord to find out how to apply to the position of your choosing and help make Los Santos the best it can be! https://discord.gg/fJ35mrH -Legal Jobs - Fishing, Forklift, Lumber-jacking, Mining, Pool cleaning, Tailoring, Dog Walking, Pizza Delivery and Uber! Make that sweet, sweet clean money, baby. -Realistic Economy - Handmade realistic economy to give a stronger sense of realism and immersion. -Medical System - Skeletal and additional injuries to make living (and dying) in Los Santos feel more realistic. -HUD - Fresh, clean, and updated HUD when you're driving around to make you feel super sleek ;) -Inventory - Updated inventory for your viewing pleasure while you're stashing away your items. -Phones - Twitter, Instagram, Yellow Pages, bank access, and several more apps to keep yourself entertained with. -Vehicle Sales - Go buy yourself a new vehicle at PDM! Vehicles rotate every so often, at the car salesmen's leisure. -Illegal Activities - Hidden robberies, illegal jobs, drugs (with effects), chop shops and more, all found through roleplay. Your crim will be kept satisfied for a very long time. -Crafting System- Craft all of your illegal items and weapons, after they've been discoveredthrough roleplay. -Stress System - Gives a more real feel to your experience by stressing you out in crazysituations! There are even visual effects when you reach a certain point of stress, so don't push yourself! -Street Racing - Seamless street racing, line up your racers, place your bets, and buckle up! (But don't get caught ;) ) -Custom Cars- Imported cars are always being flown in, as well as custom vehicle handling to give you a realistic drift. -Motels / Properties - 9 different motels to pick from, and 315 different customizable locations to buy your own property and stash your items and change your clothes. The choices are yours! From living in the city, to Paleto Bay and Sandy Shores in between. -Custom Police Departments (with brand new MDT and vehicles) and Pillbox Medical Center (with custom vehicles). -Diamond Casino - Slots, Roulette, and Blackjack for you to sink your time (and probably money) into. -Worried about being bored? Not only do we have the casino, but there is a bowling alley, cinema, golf course, gyms, paintball, and some characters offer entertainments as jobs (such as DJs, strippers, etc)! Just a few of the many activities we have to keep the RP fresh! -Active Admins, Moderators, and Development- We are here to help! We are always available via Discord to answer any questions as well as take any feedback you may have. Please, do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything! <3 https://www.instagram.com/amplify.rp/ https://twitter.com/amplifyrp/ http://amproleplay.com/index.html
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What better way to close out tour than 2 nights in beautiful Boulder, Co.? I can't think of any. I still can't believe the boys play my backyard every year. Last year I wrote the Deadhead Guide to Boulder under a different handle and it was extremely popular. So I figured we would do round 2! Hit on some of the same things as last year and maybe try to add some more stuff. I am a 6 year Boulder resident and am ready to guide you through (what I consider) the best spots/things to do in Boulder. Here is the categories we will cover! 1. Places to stay (car, camping) 2. Best food spots (breakfast, lunch, Dinner) 3. Best Dispensaries in town 4. Things to do outside 5. Things to do inside 6. Post show info (food, shows, etc.) 7. Gems of Boulder So shall we go (you and I while we can?) 1. Places to Stay Probably the most important thing is where will you rest your bones? At this point, if you have yet to book a hotel or an airbnb, you are likely SoL. If you are still considering this route, the first hotel to all for availability is the Millennium. Kind of a weird looking building at first glance this older hotel is the shortest walk to the venue. Otherwise, I would look into Airbnb's on "the hill" which would also offer a short distance to the venue. Like I said, hotels and everything are probably booked. Let's talk about free places to stay. Camping is available but it is 4th of July weekend. Your best bet for camping is to get here early July 3rd and try to snag spots before the Boulderites get out of work. Best camping spots are going to be up near Nederland (mountain town about 18 miles away) or up *4-mile Canyon. 4-mile canyon has some of my favorite camping spots however, it becomes 4 wheel drive only at a certain point (trust me, youll know). You essentially drive to the end of the canyon and there is free dispersed camping. These spots are your best bet at finding camping. We don't have a ton of dispersed camping nearby. Sleeping in your car is also a great option. Best spot to park would be between 28th and 30th street on Mapleton right next to the Mapleton Ball Fields. This spot is known to the locals as there are always RVs and such parked there with people camping. You could also park in the neighborhood between Folsom and 28th on Mapleton. Plenty of free parking and a short 1ish mile walk to the venue or a cheap uber ride. If you just want a free place to park your car and walk to the venue, I suggest checking Adams circle area, college avenue between 30th and 28th. Some good free parking and a short walk to the venue. You can also find free parking on the hill but will have to park a bit further away. Pay attention to signage. There are a lot of places you can only park for 3 hours! Check out the spots I recommended first. 2. Best places to eat My favorite subject. I'll cover post show food in the post show section. For now, let's address the 3 main meals of the day. Breakfast My favorite spot downtown is easily Snooze (16th and Pearl). A small chain, Snooze is known for their mix drinks, breakfast benedicts, and sweets. May I recommend the Benny Goodman to all benedict eaters and the French Toast to anyone who likes some sweetness in their mornings. I do not drink but hear their Bloody Marys are extremely popular. This spot pops off so the best thing to do is download the App and reserve a table while you smoke that morning bowl. Wait times are usually 45-60 minutes. If you have a car, my favorite breakfast spot is likely Tangerine (28th and Iris). Tangerine focuses more on breakfast style dishes and offers a unique variety of food that will please meat-eaters and vegans alike. Classic dishes such as the breakfast Burrito and more adventurous dishes like the Breakfast Greens fill their menu. There, again, tends to be a wait on the weekends and this spot you must show up to put in your name however, wait times are generally lower than Snooze. Honorably mention would be Foolish Craig's (16th and Pearl). Right next to snooze, this is a very good American restaurant that offers traditional, American style breakfast. If you want eggs, homefries, bacon, and toast, this is the spot you should come to. Nothing special, but perfectly located downtown and generally has a much shorter wait. Lunch I won't get into too much detail about lunch but let me mention a couple places. Tiffin's India Cafe (Folsom and Arapahoe) Hands down the best Indian spot in Boulder and a short .3-.4 mile from the venue, Tiffin's offers an excellent lunch deal where you get multiple curries and rice for under $10. A staple in my life, I go at least once a week. Mountain Sun (!5th and Pearl) Also good for dinner but more of a lunch spot for me, located right downtown this restaurant/brewery offers classic american staples and excellent burgers. The place has lots of Dead paraphenalia on the walls and you can bet your ass they will be blasting Dead this weekend. Lots of Heads work there and the owners are too. **Tahona (10th and Pearl) Best Burrito in town (IMO) and it's cheap. This is the spot you go if you want a burrito and nothing else. The Lemonade is also bomb. Dinner Dinner in Boulder is a whole different game. You could spend $20-$500 on a dinner in downtown Boulder. I will cover some of my favorite spots and places I think Heads would like. We will skip most of the fancy stuff. Bar Taco (10th and Pearl)Unique Taco spot downtown. Small chain that offers interesting tacos at a reasonable price. This is my favorite Taco spot in town but there are many. Nice (but small) outdoor seating area as well. Hapa Sushi (Broadway and Pearl) Easily my favorite Sushi spot in town. Their Veggie roll is the best I've ever had. They also do most sushi well and offer a wide selection of Japanese style dishes. The best part about this spot is it's happy hour which run's 2:30-5:30 and 10:00pm-12:00am. If you can get down there after the show (or before) I'd highly recommend doing the happy hour. Discounted drinks and 2 Rolls for $8 on many of their sushi rolls. Leaf Vegetarian (17th and Pearl) Had to throw this out there for my vegan and veggie brothers and sisters. Great Vegetarian restaurant that offers a seasonal menu and interesting dishes. Menu is small but delicious. I'm not vegetarian but my wife and I still frequently eat there. Another Vegan spot in town is Thrive (15th and arapahoe). Ive never eaten there but it appears quite popular. The Post (13th st between pearl and spruce) This place was opened by the former headmaster brewer at Dogfish Head Brewing. So the beer is excellent. The food is family style southern home cooking. Biscuits, mashed potatoes, collard greens. Family style so a great place to come with friends. I recommend getting your chicken Nashville hot. Audrey Jane's Pizza Kitchen (13th and Alpine) This spot was on Diners, Drive Thrus, and Dives. Audrey is young and studied under the best pizza maker to have lived (according to Guy Firari). The pizza is out of control, maybe the best I've ever had. Closes at 8 so make sure to do it early. I have to recommend the Spicy Pig. Amu (13th and Spruce) I have to just pitch my favorite restaurant of all time while I can. Amu is a Japanese restaurant that specializes in traditional Japanese dishes; there is no sushi being served. Be ready to drop $40 a person but you will have one of the best meals of your life. They serve Kobe Beef which, if youve never had, you should get over there and see what it's all about. 3. Dispensaries Did I say food was my favorite? This may be my favorite. I think I've been to 90% of the dispensaries in Boulder. Below I will list the best there are in Boulder as well as the cheapest. Verde Natural (3rd and Pearl) Well, we've got to start with the creme de la creme of all dispensaries and that's Verde Natural. If you want the best of the best then you can just stop reading after this, none of the other dispensaries I mention can compete with Verde. Verde is all organic and uses Living Soil i.e. just like nature intended there are microorganisms running around the soil. They are the only place I've ever heard of that does living soil and the flower they produce is reflective of their perfected process. They also cure for months (which is the appropriate amount of time) where as a lot of other dispensaries simply dry their product to get it on the shelf. They have some of the most unique strains you'll find in Boulder. If you are into extracts, they sell some of the only solventless extracts in Boulder. That means no butane. Strains I would recommend Hazelnut Cream, Papaya, OG#1. 14er Boulder (Mapleton between 28th and 30th) If you are camping in your car near the mapleton ball fields, this may be the spot for you. Touting a long list of unique genetics, 14er stands tall when talking about the best of the best in Boulder. Not quite Verde, they still have some excellent strains including a cut of Jack Herer from the son of Jack Herer himself. That alone is worth the trek. I'd recommend trying their Jack Herer, Blackberry Banana Kush, the Truth. Helping Hands (10th and Pearl) Another honorable mention and certainly no slouch. Located right downtown, Helping Hands also offers only organically produced flower. They have some interesting genetics like their sanjay Gupta Kush. I will say that I shop here if they have discounted ounces. The people are nice and the flower is top notch. Magnolia Road (30th and Canyon) My favorite spot for edibles. Super cheap. I'd recommend the Rohbots or Wana Gummies. Consistent and delicious edibles. I don't shop for flower here but they always have good prices and decent buds if that's what youre looking for. AVOID TERRAPIN CARE STATION I know the name is alluring but the owner is a shitty person. I've known a several people who have worked there, one was a manager, and they all complain about the guy in charge. One of the workers told me "Dead in name, not in practice" Extremely wasteful with their container usage (sometimes you get 16 half 8th containers when you buy an ounce) and the buds are extremely stressed and unhappy. Do not let the name fool you. There are much better spots to shop! 4. Things to do Outside Boulder is obviously known for it's outdoor activities. I'll cover some good one-day adventures you can take that are nearby. A novel could be (and has been) written about outdoor activities in Boulder. Chautauqua Park is the obvious first choice. This National Historic Landmark is home to the famous Boulder Flatirons as well as numerous trails of varying difficulty. It can get really crowded there but there's a reason for it. Park at the base of Baseline and Broadway and you can catch a free shuttle up. Parking is "$2.50 an hour at the top. More advanced hikers should do the Royal Arch Trail while beginning hikers/those who wish to take it easy can enjoy a simple stroll up to the base of the flatirons. Boulder Creek Boulder Creek runs right through the heart of town and is a popular hang spot for locals. You can rent tubes from one of many places in Boulder and tube down a large portion of the creek. It's always a blast. Eben G Fine Park offers some nice swimming holes as well as picnic tables, grills, etc. to have a nice afternoon by the river. Hike Mt Sanitas Extremely popular trailhead located at the base of Sunshine Canyon. This hike was the first we did when we moved here years ago. It's not terrible difficult and offers stunning views of boulder when you get to the top. Usually pretty busy but again, there is a reason. Lost Gulch Lookout Up Flagstaff road, the road that goes by Chautauqua, Lost Gulch offers incredible views of the Continental Divide with zero effort involved. Simply park and walk 100 yards and you have a gorgeous view of mountains and the front range. Highly recommended for those with disabilities or mobility issues. 5. Things to do Inside Not as much to cover here but a few things I can think of. I'll start with my favorite Fiske Planetarium This planetarium boasts one of the highest resolution screen in the United States. The movies they do are incredible but they also offer "Liquid Sky" events where they play music and project one of the coolest visualizers you will ever see along with lazers and colors galore. Last year they did some famous Dead shows. I can't recommend this place enough especially if you have kids. Boulder History Museum This just recently opened. It offers a very detailed look into the history of Boulder including artifacts from the era. The story is fascinating and the museum is well worth a visit. Located on Broadway and Pine. Climbing Gyms When in Rome....everyone in Boulder climbs, it's just part of the culture. It's a really fun day activity and will challenge you physically and mentally. I'd recommend The Spot for Bouldering if you want to just throw on some shoes and climb. I'd recommend Boulder Rock CLub if you want to clip in and climb with a rope. 6. Post show info Tons is happening around Boulder post show. First let's talk music, then food. Music opportunities Both the Fox Theater (on the hill) and the Boulder Theater downtown have a slate of amazing shows after Dead and Co. The biggest named acts are Ghost Light and Marcus King Band playing July 5th and 6th respectively at the Boulder Theater. A friend of mine and former band mate is playing the Fox with his band Flash Mountain Flood which are a local jam band. He plays keys so tell him what's up for me. Kitchen Dwellers will be playing a tribute set to Jeff Austin (if I remember correctly) also at the fox. If you just want to keep the party going without the music, the Sink on the hill is a popular destination and the Lazy Dog (13th and Pearl) offers lots of drinks and music in a separate room. Late night Food Illegal Pete's Chipotle style Mexican food. 2 Locations. One on the hill (close to the venue) and one downtown at 15th and Pearl. This is where I bring all my friends post show. I believe they are open until 1:30am. It's the same deal as chipotle, pick the style you want and what you want on it. Super quick and filling (there is ALWAYS a line after the show, however). Pizza Calore Located right next to the Lazy Dog offering fat new york style slices that get the job done for late night pizza. Another one of my favorite spots. Boss Lady Pizza this is the go to spot for Pizza on the hill. Closer to the venue though I don't enjoy it as much as Pizza Calore. Lolita's market worth a mention simply because it may be the only 24/7 place in Boulder. If you need something late night, Lolita's is the place to get it. Mostly a convenience store but offers a variety of food. IHOP is the only other place open 24/7. AVOID YELLOW DELI This spot is open 24/7 but is run by some weird culty people who will happily try to convert you at 3:30am. Food is ok, atmosphere is fucking weird. IF you are tripping face and want to debate the origins of the universe it may be a place to check out. Chill by the river My favorite post show activitiy is to head down to Boulder Creek and listen to the river sing sweet songs. Very Relaxing and a good place to smoke a post show bowl. It's still not technically legal to smoke but you won't have any problems at that time. There is a ton of spots where you can get close to the water and relax. 7. Gems of Boulder Lastly, I will cover just a few more places that I enjoy that don't directly fit into a category. Boulder Farmer's Market (13th between canyon and Arapahoe) A staple of the Boulder experience, the outdoor farmer's market offers a wide variety of produce, baked good, coffee, food, etc. I go almost every weekend as it's just a good place to socialize, hang out, and get some tasty food. Highly recommend at least stopping by. If you have the means, get some Hazel Dell Mushrooms. Locally grown and always offering a wide variety. Dushanbe Tea House One of the coolest spots in Boulder, this Tea House was a gift from Tajikistan to Boulder. It is hand painted and hand carved. Such a gorgeous piece of architecture. Not to mention the food is amazing and the tea selection is world class. They easily carry over 50 types of tea if not more. Located right next to the farmer's market. Eldorado Swimming Pool Located in Eldorado Canyon, the swimming pool is fresh spring water and always relaxing on a summer day. Great for kids and a little out of town so not quite as popular. There is also amazing hiking in the area as well as world class climbing. **Ok everyone! Thanks for reading. I did my best to provide you all with some info about my lovely town. I hope it at least answers some questions as well as offers you a look at some of the best Boulder has to offer. Books could be written on these subjects so I covered what I could as best I could. There are obviously a ton of good restaurants and things to do. When in doubt, head to Pearl Street and just explore. If you see a guy on Pearl in Tie-dye singing Oh Babe It Aint No Lie, that's me and you should come say hi! I will happily answer any other questions people have to the best of my ability. I am a resource for you all for any questions regarding Boulder. All the best and can't wait to see you all this week!**
The Iowa caucuses ended in chaos as state Democrats’ tallying process failed spectacularly, conspiracy theories ran rampant, and campaigns watched months of work explode like a bottle of wine on a hard gym floor. In other words, the 2020 primaries are off to an inspiring start.
Here’s what happened on Monday night, when it became clear there was a problem: Hours after the caucuses had concluded, Iowa Democratic Party (IDP) officials said the results would be delayed due to “inconsistencies” in the reporting of delegate tallies and vote totals. The culprit was a new mobile app that precinct chairs had been instructed to use to report results—some caucus site officials said they had issues downloading and using the app, and the IDP said today that it had identified a coding issue with the app’s reporting system.
The absence of a clear winner, or even a detailed explanation of what was happening, left the door open for disinformation.
The Trump campaign took advantage of the chaos to advance a conspiracy theory that the election was rigged, and some Bernie Sanders supporters spread a theory that Pete Buttigieg was in league with Shadow, the progressive tech company that developed the bunk app. The Nevada Democratic Party, which will hold its own caucuses on February 22, said today it will not be using the app.
Michael Bloomberg saw an opportunity of his own in the mess, and announced that he will double his television ad spending and expand his field staff to more than 2,000 people. Bloomberg’s unusual strategy has been to skip the first four states altogether, and took last night’s disarray as new evidence of that plan’s viability.
What a fun first primary. The good news is, there are a ton more of them, and they won't all be like this! (We hope to god they won't all be like this.) The important news is, those primary registration deadlines are coming up fast. Head on over to Vote Save America to find your state's deadline, and confirm that you're registered to vote →
Twitter allowed conservatives to spread false claims about electoral fraud ahead of the Iowa caucuses. It’s gonna be a great year!!! Tom Fitton, president of the disinformation-spewing group Judicial Watch, tweeted on Sunday that “eight Iowa counties have more voter registrations than citizens old enough to register.” That was immediately debunked, which (if you can believe) didn’t stop Charlie Kirk, the crypto-Nazi founder of Turning Points USA, from pushing the same claim later that day. By Monday, the two tweets combined had over 100,000 interactions. Twitter decided that false claims about voter rolls didn’t qualify as voter suppression, and therefore did not violate their “election integrity policy.” It’s gonna be, just, such a great year.
Is That Hope I Feel?
Doctors think they have a lead on a treatment for coronavirus. The first U.S. patient confirmed to be infected with the virus was given an infusion of remdesivir, an experimental drug originally developed as a treatment for Ebola. That patient recovered quickly, which doesn’t mean much on its own, but remdesivir successfully blocked coronavirus activity in lab tests, as well. The drug’s developer Gilead has launched a larger clinical trial in new coronavirus patients, and another trial of a combination of anti-HIV drugs is underway in China.
Author’s Note: As promised, this is the Chapter In Which Bacon Is Learned About. Fair warning - this is the first chapter in this series that is delving into some dark places. I’m of the opinion that light can only be really appreciated in contrast to dark, so...consider this chapter the contrast. Some of it, anyway. More to come. Gratuitious factoid - I may or may not have had to pause in writing this to go back and play a certain game that’s been a favorite of mine for a number of years now…. First Chapter | < | Next Chapter >>> Date Point: 14Y 5D AV Peterson Residence, Folctha, Cimbrean, The Far Reaches “Oh. Great. Mother.” Liina lay in Gillian’s playroom on her back, her stomach visibly distended. Gillian sat in her squooshy chaisofa/bean bag thing, equally stuffed. Neither felt particularly like moving. “That was really good,” Gillian said. “I didn’t think I could eat that much bacon.” Liina rolled enough onto her side to look over at her friend with her head cocked and upside down. “How do you not? That was the most amazing thing EVER.” “My Papa makes pretty good bacon. I’ve never had it done that way, though. That was really good. He should cook it in maple syrup more often.” Liina’s tongue lolled out of her mouth. “Great Mother, I can’t move.” “I think this is what Papa calls a ‘food coma’.” “It sounds a lot worse than it feels. Although, my stomach kind of hurts now. That was so...good.” They lay in companionable silence for a good minute or two. Gillian finally sat up and rubbed at her nose. “Did you ever play video games?” she asked. “Probably...I think. Maybe not the same kind of games you’re used to. Not human games anyway?” “Come on. I want to show you one of my favorites! An’ Papa downloaded a mod pack for it a couple of weeks ago, so you can even play as a Gaoian!!!!” Gillian got up and bounced on her toes a little. Liina followed suit, getting first to all fours and then standing the rest of the way up with a grunt. “What’s it called?” Liina asked as they went down the stairs. “Skyrim.” Six hours later “Okay, girls. Bed ti...actually, more than bed time. Gillian, you were supposed to be in bed twenty minutes ago, even if you don’t have school tomorrow!” Clara said loudly from the dining room. In the living room, both girls were still glued to the television, and Liina had a death-grip on the controller. Her tail was fluffed out in super-poof mode, and her ears were laid back against her skull as she concentrated. “Hang on, Mama. Liina just got to the first dragon!” Gillian called back. Behind her, the roars of Mulmirnir through the speakers filled the room. “Okay. I’ll give you ten minutes to wrap that up, and then it’s time for you two to be in bed,” Clara said from the doorway, having walked in to see the epic combat between a Gaoian and the enormous fire-breathing beast. Onscreen, Liina was doing a credible job of using cover to her advantage and popping up with the crossbow (since Gaoian shoulders weren’t suited for standard human-style archery) to plug the dragon with one shot after another. Presently, there was a longer-than-usual roar, and the dragon collapsed amidst the ruins of the Western Watchtower. Gillian was obviously having a very hard time not telling Liina where she should go & what she should do next, and was actually physically sitting on her hands. Liina for her part, blinked a couple of times, and then pumped one furry fist. “Yessss!!! So, in this game, can you loot just about anything you kill?” “Oh yes,” Gillian said. “Okay, that’s like our game Clash of Clans then. It’s how you get...wait...what’s going on?” She trailed off in confusion as the screen lit up in a swirl of golden light, and then subsided with the triumphal shout of the Dovahkiin. Gillian giggled. “Just wait. Follow the onscreen prompts.” “Okay.” She followed the onscreen dialogue, and pressed the buttons. “Whooooa…..” Clara chuckled. “All right you two. Gillian, you need a shower - you’ve been playing hard today. Liina, go ahead & save your game, please. It’s time for bed for both of you.” “Yes, Mother.” Liina obediently closed the game out and stood up, stretching. The girls went up the stairs together, chattering. “I still can’t believe you killed a chicken,” Gillian said. “You told me that thingy said my character was hungry!” Liina replied defensively. “I still don’t understand why everybody attacked me. It was a chicken.” “Maybe they’re pet chickens. I don’t know. It’s always been like that in this game.” “Why was that one guy saying someone stole my sweetroll, anyway….?” The upstairs bedroom door closed, cutting off the sound of their voices. Liina lay at the base of Gillian's bed in a ball, alone with her thoughts for the first time since she'd gotten up that morning. In the bathroom, she heard the shower start up, followed by a high-pitched whoop as Gillian obviously got into the shower and began playing in the water. She’d heard about humans and their love of water; back on Gao, in fact, there was…had been, she realized with a sudden pang...a daytime serial featuring massively over-muscled humans living underwater who would launch their ship from their underwater lair to defend helpless colonists from Hunter incursions or right wrongs of one sort or another. The big “alien” thing had always been how at-home humans were in water, and the creators had had a whole sub-plot to the story along those lines. Gillian’s bed was comfy, though, with a fuzzy topper over the top of the weighted blanket she slept under. Liina found herself drifting off to sleep, feeling inexplicably safe for the first time since the horrible afternoon...she stopped herself, shaking her head to clear it, and trying to think of something else. She was warm...and the blanket beneath her was soft...and she was com..for..t..able…… The door opened, and she was jolted back to wakefulness as Gillian came in, wrapped in a big fluffy brown towel, with another one around her head-fur...hair. “Oh! I’m sorry, were you asleep? I didn’t mean to wake you up, I’m just not used to having anyone here, and you look so comfy, and…” Gillian babbled, her eyes wide. “I’m fine. I wasn’t all the way asleep anyway...I have a hard time sleeping when I’m by myself,” Liina said, realizing as she said it that it was true. Gillian’s wide brown eyes were solemn, as she nodded. “I’m so sorry, Liina,” she whispered. “I just hope I can be your best friend ever.” She came over and gave Liina a fierce, damp, hug. Suddenly she squeaked as her towel came undone and fell to the floor. “Oh!” Liina tried looking anywhere else, the sudden unsolicited affection and her awareness that humans didn’t like being naked warring with one another. Gillian scooped up her towel, wrapping it around herself and digging into her drawer for a nightgown, which she hurriedly put on and climbed into bed. “Oh! Drat,” Gilian said, getting back up and turning out the light. “Wait. Liina, should I leave a night light on?” “Please?” Liina asked, trying not to whine. “Hey, I know! I’ll put my nightlight in! I got this for my last birthday, and I haven’t done anything with it, but I keep meaning to!” She flicked the light back on, and rummaged around in a drawer, eventually fishing out a packaged shape. With some crinkling and rustling of the plastic, eventually, Gillian managed to get it open and plug it in to the wall socket, revealing a stylized green humanoid figure with a red mask and some sort of armor, wielding something that looked very much like a pair of shoog, a somewhat-traditional Gaoian melee weapon. Liina leaned forward. “That’s interesting. Is that a story character, or…?” “Yeah!” Gillian beamed. She turned off the overhead light. “His name’s ‘Raphael’, and he’s a Ninja Turtle.” “What’s a Ninja Turtle?” “Oh! So, it’s a story about these four turtles and a rat that got into some kind of green glowing ooze…” Gillian climbed into bed, telling Liina all about the lore of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and their teacher, Splinter. Eventually, the discussion waned, and both girls were almost at the point of sleep, when Liina sat up suddenly. “What is that noise?” “What noise?” Gillian opened her eyes and propped herself up on one hand. “It sounds almost like growling. Do you have an animal in the house, or something? I don’t smell one,” Liina replied worriedly. Her ears played around. “I think it’s coming from your parents’ bedroom.” The girls crept out of bed, and Gillian’s door squeeeeeaaaaked just a little as she opened it. They took two cautious steps onto the landing, listening carefully. “There. Don’t you hear that?” Liina whispered. “That kind of rasping noise? That’s what you’re hearing?” Gillian whispered back. “Yes. It sounds like scraping, or growling, or...I don’t even know how to describe that.” Gillian giggled suddenly. “That’s my Papa. He’s snoring.” Liina’s ears went back against her skull. “This noise is normal?” Gillian gestured her back into their bedroom, and then silently closed the door, still giggling. “Yeah. He snores bad.” From the other room there was a sudden harsh GRRTTKKK, which prompted a round of quiet chittering from both of them. “See?” “What is that noise? Why does he do that?” “It’s called snoring, and I guess it’s really common. I don’t know. My Papa has always done that when he gets really asleep. I feel bad for Mama.” “....Humans are weird.” They crept back into Gillian’s room and back into bed. Gillian let out a contented sigh as she was enveloped by her heavy blanket and relaxed back into her pillow. Liina circled once on all fours, curled up, and tucked her nose under her tail. Together, they drifted off. “Liina.” prod “Liina! Wake up!” prod prod “Liina!!!” Gillian was sitting up, bent down to the other end of the bed where a whimpering Liina twitched and whined, her nose still buried in her tail. Gillian’s hand touched her haunch, and she started awake with a sudden intake of breath. Her eyes were wide and unfocused in the soft light from the night light across the room. “Hey! Are you okay?” Gillian laid her hand on Liina’s shoulder and shook her slightly. “You were whimpering in your sleep a lot.” “Bad...bad dreams,” Liina replied. “Bad memories. Bad everything.” She held her wounded arm with her other paw and shivered a little. “I’m sorry. I wish there was something more I could do to help,” Gillian said helplessly. “I...I don’t even really know what happened to you, and I don’t know what to do.” Liina gave her a grateful look. “Are you sure you want to know? It’s pretty horrible.” “If you feel like talking about it. You’re my friend,” Gillian said stoutly. “You might wish you hadn’t.” She trailed off for a long moment. “...They killed everyone, you know. My sisters...my brothers...everyone,” Liina said softly. “Who did?” “Our own Mothers, and a few Males that were visiting. There were a few that fought to stop them. There was one Male, he was an older Highmountain, I think, that held off several of the Guard-Sisters in the kitchen long enough for me and two of my sisters to escape and hide.” Her voice was hollow, and her eyes stared at nothing. “Your...mothers?” Gillian asked, a little puzzled. “We’re raised in groups of cubs, by all of the Mothers in the Commune. Or we were, I suppose. I don’t know what’s going to happen now. Anyway….he told us to run and not look back. Most of my sisters weren’t fast enough to get away.” There was an awkward silence. Gillian finally gave up on trying to find anything to say. She scooted down to the bottom of the bed and put an arm around Liina, unable to think of anything else. Liina leaned into her, keening so softly Gillian almost couldn’t hear her. “I’m sorry, Liina,” she said again, knowing she was repeating herself. Liina’s eyes were still lost and haunted. “We stayed hidden for two days, but Navi was so hungry, and...Mother Tiska saw us come out to try to find food. I fought her. She killed Navi and Gemma both, but I…” “You don’t have to say. It’s okay now.” “But you don’t understand.” Liina’s eyes focused and she looked up at Gillian, pulling back a little. “She was going to kill me, but...I killed her. With my claws.” “She was going to kill you.” “But….I killed a Female. A Mother.” “Maybe someday somebody will be able to ‘splain what happened,” Gillian said reflectively. “Papa told me before you came last night that nobody really knows what’s happening, and that everybody is killing each other.” “It was like the whole world went crazy at once,” Liina said. “All of a sudden, everybody was fighting. I just don’t understand. I don’t understand at all. Why would Mother Tiska do that??” “I...I don’t know.” Gillian said. “Maybe when we’re grown up it will all make sense.” “I hope so. I hope it makes sense to someone. Somewhere.” She whimpered again a little. Gillian hugged her a little tighter. “You’re safe with us.” “I know.” Liina hiccuped a little, and wiped her eyes with one paw. “But so many cubs aren’t. The ones that are still even alive, anyway.” Not knowing what else to do, Gillian started scratching her friend behind the ears. Liina leaned into it, and curled back into a ball. They stayed like that for a long time. Date Point: 14Y 6D AV The early rosy glow of imminent dawn coming in through Gillian’s windows awoke her, as it usually did. It wasn’t quite what Mama called ‘ugly o’clock’, but it was still early as most people reckoned such things. Due probably to their late-night discussion, Liina wasn’t lying across her legs or feet this morning, and so Gillian was able to slip out of the blankets without awakening her friend, making her way across the bedroom floor on silent feet, ease the door open, and tiptoe down the stairs in short order. First things first. She got out a bowl of breakfast cereal, poured herself a small bowl full, and then a separate cup of milk, and went into the living room where Mama had put the console remote away and tidied up the pillow fort they’d put together while playing Skyrim the night before. Initial order of business completed, she moved on to phase 2. Cartoons. Inspired, perhaps, by her night light from the night before, she started to pull up some Ninja Turtles, but then thought better of it. That would probably be better if Liina was watching it with her. She thought for a bit, and then put on Spirited Away instead, plugging in her gaming headphones to avoid waking up everybody else, and losing herself in the classic Miyazaki film. She hadn’t quite got to her favorite part of the movie, unfortunately, when she sensed someone else coming in, and turned to see Liina walking in. Gillian paused the movie quickly, and took her headphones off. “Shhh….we have to be quiet, ‘cause I don’t want to wake Papa and Mama,” she said in a stage whisper. “Okay,” Liina said. She came over and sat next to Gillian on the sofa cushion Gillian had tossed onto the floor. “What are you watching?” “It’s a movie, about a brave little girl. Only I kinda think maybe we should watch something happier this morning. I was waiting to watch Ninja Turtles till you got up, ‘cause I was gonna show you all about them and why Raphael is my favorite, ‘cause like I was telling you last night, he’s a…,” she looked around guiltily, “...badass.” Liina chittered. “Yes, by all means, let’s not watch something sad.” “Okay!” Gillian snatched up the remote and navigated her way to her favorite of the several animated Ninja Turtles series available in Folctha’s municipal streaming media library. This one was what Papa called ‘edgy’ and was something she’d only been allowed to watch at all since her birthday the previous July. It wasn’t rated for kids, which made her feel quite grownup. They watched, entranced, munching corn puffs out of a bowl absently. Halfway through their third episode, a somewhat disheveled Mama came in to see what they were doing, and seeing them occupied, paused long enough to let them know the adults were up and give each of them a kiss on the head. It was a strange, but meaningful, gesture to Liina, who hadn’t experienced that particular intimacy before. As the episode ended, however, all of a sudden Liina’s nose twitched. “I smell food.” The girls’ eyes met, and as one they scrambled, giggling, for the dining room. Mama was at the stove, stirring a savory-smelling something in a big black cast-iron pan with a large bamboo spoon. “Are you two hungry?” Mama chuckled. “Get yourselves something to drink. This will be done in a bit.” Gillian ran and got her long-since emptied mug from the living room, and refilled it with milk. “Liina, do you want milk, or juice, or….” she asked. “Water, I think, please,” Liina replied. “Okay!” Gillian said, getting a second cup out and filling it. “That smells good, Mama.” “Go sit down. I’ll serve you girls up here in a moment. Liina, are you hungry?” Mama asked. “Yes, Mother,” she replied almost automatically. “Okay. This looks juuuust about done here...yep. Potatoes are cooked all the way thru.” She flicked the heat off, got out two plates, and dished up three plates, each with a heaping pile of browned kielbasa sausage mixed with potatoes, scrambled eggs, caramelized onions and garlic, and sliced bell peppers in three different colors, with shredded cheese over the top. “Where’s Papa’s?” Gillian asked, through her first mouthful. “Oh, he’s being lazy and isn’t up yet,” Mama said. “I left him some in the pan. I told him I was getting up and making breakfast, and if he wanted some, he’d better not stay in bed!” They all giggled. Liina was wolfing down her food as though she hadn’t eaten in days. “This is amazing,” she paused long enough to get out. “I can’t stop eating it!” “There’s plenty more where that came from,” Mama said soothingly. “Eat as much as you need to. Both of you.” She speared a crispy bit of sausage on her fork and bit into it with relish. Gillian ate a little more primly, and then paused. “Mama. Can I put some hot sauce on this?” “Of course, Peanut. You know where it is.” Gillian got up and skipped over to the stasis-fridge, pulling out a small bottle of red sauce, took the lid off, and dripped a copious amount over the top of everything. Liina, across the table from her, stopped eating and twitched her nose several times before erupting in a volcanic series of sneezes. “Omigosh, Liina, I’m so sorry, did the sauce make you sneeze? I didn’t even think the smell would bother you that much, I just really like chipotle a lot and I needed some on my potatoes, and…” Gillian trailed off. “I can go eat in the other room if it’s really bothering you.” “No, I..,” KCHEEEEWEE.., “I think I’ll be okay, just...took me by surprise.” “I don’t like that hot sauce either, Liina,” Mama said comfortingly. “I don’t know how Gillian and her father can stand that stuff. I was always the weird one when we lived on Earth.” “You’re not weird, Mama. Papa ‘splained it to me, you just have weak taste buds,” Gillian said matter-of-factly. Mama laughed. “Maybe I do at that, kiddo.” She grinned. “If I didn’t know better, I would think humans had no sense of smell at all,” Liina said, eyeing Gillian’s plate dubiously, the contents of which were disappearing at a fantastic rate. “We do, but I think it’s not as good as yours, Liina,” Mama said. She bit into another slice of sausage. “...Different senses. We have a wider range of vision, you have better smell.” Liina reached her fork across the table, touched one of the tines into a bigger glob of hot sauce on Gillian’s plate, and then licked it with a long pink tongue. Her eyes looked absently around the room as she mulled the taste over. “That doesn’t taste at all like it smells,” she said finally. “It smells...kind of like that other sauce you had the other night, that I didn’t like the smell of, but this tastes like...like smoke, almost.” “Yeah!” Gillian said. “It’s made with chipotle, which is a word in another Earth language for smoked peppers.” “It’s a little overwhelming for me, but I can see why you might like it,” Liina said. “It’s an interesting flavor. The scent of it is...really strong, though.” “I think you’ll find a lot of our food is like that, Liina,” Mama said. “We’re really sensitive to certain smells, but for things like this, most humans like really strong, bold scents and tastes.” Liina’s nose twitched again, and she suppressed a sneeze again. “It’s something I’ll have to get used to, definitely.” Gillian giggled, as she finished her plate. “Well, girls,” Mama said, “I’m going to need you ladies to be very, very good today while I’m gone at work, okay? I start day shift today, that’s why I was home last night.” “Ooo! Can Liina play more Skyrim?” Gillian blurted eagerly. “I mean, if you want to, Liina. It’s fun watching you play!” “That’ll be up to your dad, young lady. You don’t have a lot of winter break left - at some point, you’re going to need to start getting ready to go back to school a few days from now...and Liina’s people are going to have to help decide how we’ll absorb that many Gaoian youngsters into the school system.” Gillian wiggled in her seat. “Can you imagine? All of the kids in my class, and then adding that many Gaoians? It’d be awesome!” Liina gave her a sardonic look. “I don’t know if your teacher could handle that many of us, Gillian. Usually when we have classes, there are at least two instructors unless it’s a Clan-preparatory course.” “Well, people that get paid a lot more than me get to work on that problem,” Mama said. “All I know is what the Chief passes down to us. We’ve been told to start preparing for setting up outside of town.” “Setting what up, Mother?” Liina asked, cocking her ears curiously. “Refugee camps and shelters. They’ve had engineers working on adding jump gates, extra capacitor banks and generators, and they’re sending through relief supplies from Earth. I don’t know if it’s going to be enough. I checked this morning before I came downstairs, and it looks like the command for Gao’s defense has decided they’re evacuating nearly the entire Female population and as many cubs as possible...here.” Liina’s ears were all the way back. “That’s...that’s a lot of Females and cubs.” “It is. I’m going to be working some pretty long days, I think. Speaking of that..,” she checked the kitchen clock on the stove, “It’s time I got all geared up and headed in.” She got up, drained the last of her drink, and went upstairs. Liina looked both lost and uncertain. Gillian gathered their dishes and stacked them in the sink. “Gillian?” “What?” “Can...do you think..,” she paused, clearly at a loss for words. “Can your people even take that many of us? There are millions of Females and cubs on Gao.” “I don’t know.” Gillian put the rest of the kitchen things away in their various cupboards and drawers. “I miss my Mothers,” Liina said simply. She didn’t start keening, but her voice was quiet and a little raspy. “C’mon. Let’s go play s’more Skyrim till Papa gets up. You’ll like what comes next!” They busied themselves getting settled in in the living room, when Mama came down in her constable’s uniform. She poked her head around the corner to see what they were doing. “Okay, girls, I’m off to work. Papa will be up shortly, he’s in the shower now. I’m not sure what he has planned, so if you’re planning on playing a lot of that, you’ll want to talk to him about it, ok?” “Okay! Bye, Mama!” Gillian said, as Liina took the controller and logged in to her character from the night before. “Goodbye, Mother,” she said, looking over. “Thank you for breakfast.” “Yeah, thanks for breakfast, Mama!” Gillian chimed in. “That was really good.” “Good, I’m glad you liked it, Peanut. Good job on cleaning up, too, wow,” Mama added, looking back to the now-clean kitchen and dining table. “Okay. I have to get going. Have a good day!” The front door closed a moment later with a final click. Onscreen, the loading screen resolved into Liina’s character standing in front of the dragon-bone carcass, crossbow slung over her shoulder. “Now what should I do?” she asked Gillian, who was once again sitting on her hands and trying very hard not to give pointers. “What’s the quest prompt say?” “Oh. Right.” A moment later, she was moving again. She continued exploring as she followed the prompts, for some time until Papa appeared in the doorway behind them. “Well good morning, you two. Hard at it, I see,” he said with a chuckle. “Did you guys leave me any breakfast?” “Yes, Papa, we left you some in the hot fridge,” Gillian said. “Liina just learned she’s s’posed to go to High Hrothgar!” “Wow! Moving right along there, Liina,” Papa said. “Watch out for trolls.” “...Trolls?” Liina said, pausing it and looking at Gillian. “You’ll see. No spoilers!” Gillian said, shaking a finger at her father. “What’s a troll?” “You’ll see.” Liina chittered and stuck her tongue out at Gillian in an obviously co opted gesture of defiance. They giggled together. “All right you two, I’m going to eat something. I’ll be in my office if you need me, ‘kay?” “Okay!” they chimed, already having forgotten his presence. Samuel listened from the other room with one ear as Gillian tried heroically to avoid giving Liina hints, with moderate success. Sinking a fork into Clara’s fried potatoes, he ate thoughtfully. It was going to be a long day, he had a feeling. Outside, the last of the nightly clouds were clearing, and it was looking to be pretty nice. “Okay...check my email, then get those two outside, I think….” he muttered to himself quietly. He took his plate into his downstairs office, which was a repurposed bedroom and sat, leaving the door open. Several hours later Perhaps I should have expected this. She did warn me, Samuel thought. Sometimes, coming back from a few days of well-earned vacation was almost worse than never having taken the time. ...But then if you never take time, how can you everhavetime? He chuckled at the Matrix line ruefully and sighed for what was probably the fiftieth time so far this morning. He leaned back in his chair and stretched. In the living room, he could hear the shrieks of excitement from Gillian and yelps from Liina. Apparently, they’d found the troll. Or a troll. Or something that obviously wasn’t dying fast enough. Whatever it was, it was obviously epic. He came to a decision and leaned forward again, intent on getting what work he could do at the moment started. He was just finishing up when there was a ping announcing a text from Clara.
stopping by house for lunch. HUGE news from Gao. See u in a few
“Well. Guess I better have something ready,” he said out loud to noone in particular. On his computer screen, the survey drones he had ordered to set up an auto-assessment of one of the major wooded areas outside of town trundled off to do his bidding, since the highest-priority email he’d gotten from AEC indicated that Clara had been right the day before. A massively expanded refugee camp was about to be created, and the logistical supports for it had to be determined. Quickly. On the way to the kitchen, he stuck his head into the living room, where Liina had made obvious progress and was learning about the Thu’um at the hands of the Greybeards. “Hey. I’m gonna make your mom some lunch, are you girls hungry?” “Yes!” was the enthusiastic but utterly distracted reply. “Okay. Comin’ up.” Samuel was halfway through the process of mixing up some tuna salad when the front door opened, and Clara bustled in. She shut the door harder than intended behind her, and sort of flopped into a chair. He quickly assembled a sandwich with lettuce, giving it an extra dash of pepper, and plopped it along with a big glass of milk, in front of her. “Girls! Lunch!” he called. There was no reply. Samuel went over to the doorway and realized why - they were both leaning into the screen, utterly lost in sneaking through some underground ruin. “Hey. Pause that and come eat, please.” They both jumped, and Liina put down the controller as soon as the saving… prompt showed. Her nose twitched, suddenly. “Oh, Great Mother, what is that???” she said, inhaling. “I made tuna sandwiches. Come eat.” He went back into the kitchen and resumed assembling sandwiches. Right behind him, both girls came in, chattering quietly. They sat at the table, and as he set their meal down with drinks, he realized Clara was going to need another one. She was polishing off the first one already, licking a glob of tuna off one hand hungrily. “There is major news from Gao this morning,” Clara said. She took a drink of milk. Samuel set another sandwich in front of her and sat down with his own. Liina was scarfing hers down as though she had never eaten before, but paused to look up attentively. “First thing...the Gao have raised a Great Father, apparently. I know he’s the former Stoneback Champion, and that he worked with the SOR here, but that’s about as much as I know about him. Daar, I think his name is.” Across the table, Liina’s eyes were huge, and her ears were completely flattened against her head. “So, there’s that. Second thing, Cimbrean is at about nineteen thousand refugees as of six hours ago. I guess the Great Father’s first official order was to double the effort to get Females and cubs off Gao, and this is the only place to send them, so….” She lifted her glass and drained it. “I don’t know how many more are coming, and I don’t know how we’re going to handle it.” “Do they know why this is happening?” Liina’s voice was small. Clara sighed heavily. “...Yes. What we’re being told is that any Gaoian with head implants was turned into something called a ‘biodrone’. AEC says they’re already basically dead, that the Gaoian whose body it was is gone and can’t come back. The entire augmented population of Gao….gone. Or, rather, turned into zombies.” The food was nearly forgotten at this point. Samuel swallowed the bite he’d been chewing, but found he had nothing to say. “There is actual good news in all of this, though,” Clara said. “As if the biodrones weren’t bad enough, AEC apparently had intel that said that Gao was about to be raided by the Swarm of Swarms. The attack on orbit, and the ships that were lost, that was the first wave of Hunter scouts.” Liina whimpered loudly, almost sliding on her chair under the table. Gillian reached out a hand and rested it on her shoulder for support. “I thought you said there was good news,” Samuel said. “There is. The Gaoian system has been secured. AEC fought off the Hunters early this morning. Fought. Them. Off. I don’t know how, but the rumor is that they used some kind of superweapon and blew the Swarm of Swarms up. They put a system shield up, and apparently just outside of it, there’s a huge debris field of millions of destroyed Hunter ships.” There was utter silence around the table. Finally, Liina’s little voice piped up from somewhere near the edge of the table. “They blew up the Swarm of Swarms????” “That’s what I’ve heard. This isn’t over, there is still all of the fighting left on Gao, of course, and there will be the refugee situation, and...yeah. Pretty dark. There’s a long way to go yet.” Clara checked her watch. “Oh. Shit, I’m back on duty in like five minutes, I have to go.” She got up and wiped her mouth with a napkin. Samuel came and got her dishes, putting them in the sink with his own, and came back in time to give her a kiss. “Go on, hero.” She favored him with a grin. “You know it. I’ll….probably be working a double today. I had to pull some strings to get over here, but I figured you and the girls needed to know that it’s going to be okay.” “Okay.” He gave her another kiss. “Better go.” “Bye girls!” Clara said. Not waiting for an answer, she went out the door with a “Bye, hon!”, and closed the door behind her. Samuel sat back down at the table. Liina had come back from under the table, and was keening a little. Gillian had scooted her chair a little closer, and had one hand on Liina’s back, scratching her between the shoulder blades. With the other, she held her sandwich and chomped on it. “A lot to absorb, huh?” he said sympathetically. “The last Great Father was Father Fyu,” Liina said. “A thousand years ago.” “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Samuel mused. “That’s a pretty big deal.” “I don’t even know what it means...but, I guess someone does. Great Fathers only get named by the Mother-Supreme, so I guess Mother-Supreme Yulna must still be alive,” Liina said. She picked up the last of her sandwich, regarded it for a moment, and then ate the rest in one bite. “This is really good.” “It’s tuna!” Gillian said brightly. “It’s like, my third favoritest thing ever.” “I can see why,” Liina replied. “I like these little green things.” “Pickles. That’s what they’re called,” Gillian said. “You take cucumbers, that’s a vegetable, and then you soak them in stuff, and they turn into pickles.” “Vinegar, with brine and spices,” Samuel prompted. “That’s what you soak them in.” “Right. That. Anyway. You can make pickles lots of different ways, an’ my Gramma used to make them with super spicy stuff. They were soooooo good. And sometimes she used to make pickles out of other stuff too, like pickled mushrooms or asparagus, and sometimes they’d be sweet, sometimes spicy, sometimes both.” Gillian babbled on. “I think we have something like this, only we don’t make it quite the same way,” Liina said. “It’s made from a fish, and the meat’s always in chunks.” “After you two are done here, I think you should go outside to play. You’ve been cooped up in here all day playing Skyrim, and you both need some fresh air,” Samuel said. “Can we go down to the park?” Gillian asked eagerly. “Sure. Be home before it starts getting dark, okay?” “Okay! C’mon, Liina, you’ll love the park. They have all kinds of cool play equipment...only, I wonder if it’ll be fun to play on. We should totally go find out, an’ I bet some of my friends’ll be down there too, there’s lots of stuff we can do. Come on!” Gillian dashed upstairs to get her shoes and a jacket, accompanied by a Gaoian who had just realized she’d been sitting too long and needed to move around. Less than two minutes later, there was a thundering scramble down the stairs, followed by a slam of the door, then the door being reopened and a shouted, “Bye, Papa!”, with a final slam that shook the house. Samuel returned to his office to check on his survey drones, aware that the result was going to be all too important in the coming days.
VintageViral's Official "Greatest Hits Of the Internet" list
TheBossman5000 here, founder of this subreddit and self-proclaimed connoisseur of early internet gold. It is my mission to collect the greats, to determine the wheat from the chaff, the star wars kids from the leeroy jenkins'. Whether it's your first time, or you've been with us since the beginning: Welcome to /VintageViral As we near 2000 subscribers, and after an influx of new lurkers and posters, I felt it was necessary to compile a definitive list of the greatest, most memorable viral gems of the internet. As more and more videos end up on this sub, I wanted to preserve the ones that really seem to draw people into this nostalgic memory lane run, in a nice round up of the the most popular heavy hitters. In addition, we've noticed that a lot of the older classic videos sometimes get removed or re-uploaded around on YouTube, so we're working on a downloadable archive of all the most popular videos in the interest of preserving the the golden ages of the internet in all it's lip-syncing, light saber practicing, Bush administration mocking glory. More details on that soon. This list is in no particular order, just a nice mix covering about 15 years of our favorite internet viral videos. It's compiled by me, so it's a bit of an opinionated list, but I wrote a short blurb on each video, describing why it deserves to be on this thread, and I'm open to feedback on anything. Also, if it wasn't clear, this is a NSFW subreddit. The early internet wasn't very work safe, and we're keeping it as it was. I also want to thank NostraKlonoa and my other awesome Moderators for keeping this sub chill and cool for everybody. You guys work hard to archive the past, and keep this place welcoming for all. For that, I am grateful. Thank you. ------The Official List Of The Internet's Greatest Vintage Viral Hits------ Please, kick back and enjoy a wave of internet nostalgia, may the sweet sounds of a dial-up connection, and the pitter patter of chocolate rain take you on a journey, just make sure Charlie doesn't bite your finger. You're the man now, dog. The Dancing Baby
The big one. The OG. The grandaddy of them all. The CGI dancing baby. This jumble of pixels and vertices would never know the impact it would have on a cultural phenomenon. The internet meme is a delicate art, just like the pied piper himself, this funky little guy danced his way into our hearts and led us into the dark. Forever we live among the net, our diaper-clad angel will lead the way to digital salvation.
This poor woman couldn't be left out, of course. Her tragic accident has touched the lives of countless web-surfers through the ages now, I'm sure she was fine, although maybe she should avoid stomping grapes for a while. This one is truly iconic and rightfully deserves it's spot on this list, it's pop culture, even family guy makes fun of it.
Joy, Satisfaction, Amazement, and a little bit of Fear. Those are the feelings that I'm hit with when I think back to the first time I saw this one. If there was ever a true symbol of vintage viral videos. A true god among men. If only I could have the confidence that this man has, I'd be invincible.
Absolutely one of the most memorable segments ever. It's cultural effects have rippled through the years. This one is gold, and the upvotes on the sub have shown how much this one was remembered and still packs a comedic punch. It also inspired this great Key and Peele parody sketch.
Sometimes I wonder how this particular ape would feel if he could comprehend the fact that his visage is an icon for the viral nature of the internet as whole. We salute you, the only chimp brave enough to put his nose where none other had the balls.
Had to be included. Here's an excerpt from an article about this video. Vinny Licciardi didn’t realize he had gone viral until he heard one of his coworkers had seen a video of him smacking a computer on TV. Except at the time it wasn’t called “going viral”—there was no real precedent for this kind of thing. A video he made with his coworkers had somehow ended up on MSNBC, and thousands of people were sharing it.
Arguably one of the very first "viral" videos ever, it circulated by hand even before the internet became available. There's also a documentary about the man, he lived a quiet life as a state park ranger in retirement.
Almost 20 years later, it feels a little wrong to perpetuate this particular video, considering the fact that the guy had a real hard time with bullying and even started a support group for tormented people who were the butt of internet jokes, but it's just so iconic, it couldn't be left out. Even Andy, in the office mentions it and it's subsequent support group. It's mainstream media at this point.
But, I am le tired. I think this one is a solid example of what came from the sprawling flash animation craze on Newgrounds and Ebaumsworld in the early 2000s. There are others of course, but most people seems to remember this as the the greatest and most memorable.
The editor that put these together went on to work on the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! His works here will always be remembered as making us laugh our asses off. A welcome resident on this list, these videos shaped a man's career and inspired others. PORKCHOP SANDWICHES
Who could ever forget this golden voice? Not to mention his unparalleled ability to move away from the mic in perfect, god-like timing. Truly a legend. It's just a shame nobody could ever remember the lyrics...
One of my personal favorites. The hybrid mix of desperation and bravado is just unmatched. From the Minnie Mouse sheets, to the badly imitated Britney Spears dance moves, this brave soul put it all on the line and let Aicha know how he truly felt. Here's to you, Gellieman, we hope you got your girl.
This is another big one. It made fun of the horrible localization efforts in an old ported 16-bit game called Zero Wing. The phrase became a literal catch-phrase of internet people. Anyone who was surfing the net before the introduction of myspace and everything that came after, remembers this one. Bouncing around message boards and living on the top 10 of the Newgrounds portal for years. This one is an absolute unit, and dares any other viral video to challenge it. Maybe the comedy won't land on younger viewers, but trust me, this one killed back in the day.
Catchy as fuck, can't deny it. This one took center-stage in a lot of peoples' lives for a while, taking over at parties and graduations. Here's a goofy example of some drunk goobers experiencing pure unadulterated joy. You can't watch that video and say that those men aren't enjoying life. Thank you, Mr. Mehndi.
This guy was truly ahead of his time, youtube eventually came into it's own, but it was pioneers like this that could see what kind of comedy was really going to take off. His other hits include, "let me borrow that top", and "muffins"
Lewd, crude, and rude. Just the way we liked our early internet. Ebaumsworld and Newgrounds were havens of NSFW flash animations, I feel this one is a good show of that particular realm of comedy. It's a deep well though, feel free to look for all the other flash gems from those times, some are artistic genuis, some are depraved sexual deviancy. Maybe I'll even make a separate list of just those some time.
Makes me yearn for the days when people didn't feel the need to scream at the camera and begs for "likes" and "subscribes". This dude just sat down and put together this absurd piece of performance art. You go down in history, my friend. Hall of famer.
Maybe the most mainstream thing on this list, not even really from the internet, as it was clearly a television show segment. But, one could argue that this angelic singer's voice only broke onto the scene because of the sheer legions of people that shared this video around the AIM message boards and the like. Mr. Hung deserves a mention, as he symbolizes one of the earliest examples of viral success. She bangs... she bangs.
My absolute favorite on this entire list, I can still remember being stuck in that endless kind of contagious laughter, with a few buddies at a party when this video first showed up. Probably the hardest I've laughed in my entire life.
Can I get a number crunch? Our pal Leeroy will be forever remembered. His bust stands tall in the main atrium of the hall of internet fame. Who among us could resist the call to cheer and root for our rambunctious hero? The sheer bravery alone is breathtaking. He walks among the gods now, the best we can do is uphold his legacy, and keep the video alive. Also, here's a cool animated version.
Honestly, not a whole lot can be said about this masterpiece, other than the fact that it's pure internet goodness. The kind of video you can't help you refresh and watch 17 times in a row. It just invokes a special feeling that cannot be topped by the most random of internet goodies. Just watch, and sing along. I like this live-action remake, by the way.
Was there an emo kid alive in the early 2000's that wasn't jamming to this shit on their Ipod video? Weebl's stuff was one of those few, brutally honest internet cartoon series'. Some of their other videos are absolutely witty british comedy. Who's to say if their "brand" ever really got a true following, but, they definitely had a viral cult following for a while there. It's borderline absurdist humor. Here's a playlist.
Speaking of emo kids, this website was home base in those days. It's quirky mix of awkward characters and over-confident weirdos was an obvious hit, especially in a time of shitty network TV. It's no wonder animated internet shows were being watched a lot.
Clever for a rock band to use the budding internet as a platform for their comedy songs. Definitely absurdist humor, and maybe ahead of it's time, but it definitely got around the funny websites before YouTube even started. They have a bunch of other hits too, google them.
This one got around, and also became like sort of a catch phrase, even making it's way into network TV writing as a sort of: "we get the joke, internet people" kinda thing. It's epic though, and stands the test of time, it's still fun to say, and feels cool. Also in this category is a lot of other funny DBZ based viral videos like "I'mma firin' mah lazer"
Man, I wish I could get a figure on how many suburban moms shared this one with their whole extended family on myspace. Must be an astronomical number. This one's a real milestone marker as it was probably the first internet video that was fully acceptable for daytime television appearances and on shows like Ellen
Another great sketch comedy troupe, who's main guy (Trevor Moore) has also recently been gaining a lot of fame and popularity. This is my favorite sketch of theirs, and works as a great sample of their work from the mid 2000s
Will we ever get to know what peanut butter jelly time really is? Or are we forced to live in wonder, and be driven mad by our desire to get our hands on a baseball bat. Whatever the case, I know I had a good time singing along to this one through the years.
There was some really talented artists lurking on Newgrounds throughout the 2000s. I'll bet half of them work as animators for game companies now or something. This one is a nice example of the great kind of comedy that was thriving in that world at the time.
Oh, boy. This one can't go by without a real explanation. This little, seemingly throwaway line from the movie "Finding Forrester" has Sean Connery uttering such a meaningless piece of dialogue, but... it spawned a website. It spawned an entire community of early meme makers. They went on to spiritually create the adviceanimals. The modern meme as you know it today was truly started on YTMND.com. It was a breeding ground for viral internet comedy, one who's brood took over as a new generation of goofballs. -Cpt. Jean-Luc Picard, USS Enterprise.
I love how Pete is just gaming, hard, instead of working on school work. Seriously though, these YouTubePoops were a big genre of viral videos, this one is my favorite, and I think it can serve as the representative on this list for all the YTP videos. It's a solid classic, every 5 seconds, there's a joke. It's great.
This was an awesome show, one of the first real examples of an indie "web show" that revolved around playing videogames. Although it took on a ton of magical and unrealistic themes, it had some really genius satire on the competitive gaming communities of the mid 2000s. Here's FPS Doug, showing us a regular day in the life of a professional Counter Strike: Source player.
These made their way around Ebaumsworld, and Newgrounds and pretty much everywhere else for a few years. I remember they were toted as being legitimate, but as you watch them in "the future" with a more critical eye, it's clear they were just a piece of art, and not really any submitted cartoons. The artist has gone one to create some seriously genius short films for Netflix and has a budding career now. Let's take a moment to recognize how he started in the text-based void of the early internet video sharing sites.
So random and weird, but I think it really showcases how deranged and odd the humor got in these flash videos back in the day. If you want more like this, message me or something, there's basically a whole sect of oddball videos like this.
Oh Kerpal, how you made us laugh. The early internet had a huge wave of funny prank phone calls, many of which used a soundboard with Arnold Schwarzenegger or another movie star, but I think this one encapsulates the spirit of that short internet comedy fad.
Hilarious, and an A for production value. Makes you wonder how he convinced his producers to fund such a ridiculous video. Either way, we're greatful to have been treated this goofy gem, here's hoping he finally found someone who complied with his romantic requests.
Who knows where the fuck this dude came from, or what compelled him to make this video, but... we're thankful. Maybe a bit juvenile, looking back, but as a high schooler, I laughed my ass off. "Chicken sandwich and some waffle fries, for free."
I thought this one made a nice book-ending to this list, especially since Star Wars is so ingrained in pop-culture, and now in meme-culture as well. What with /prequelmemes and such, I figured it was honorable to end this with a classic viral internet star wars parody, and one of my all time favorites. "We got Death Star, we got Death Star, we got Death Star."*
Came out after 2010, so it breaks our cutoff year rule. Still, Schmoyoho is such a great contributor to the the viral scene through the years, that I felt some of his other greats deserved a mention, although they're more recent, and not quite "vintage".
IllWillPress was just as popular as HomestarRunner, if not more, but it doesn't seems to strike a memory cord with too many people on the subreddit so far, so it's in this section. They had a lot of good videos though.
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Super Bowl LII Betting Lines, Odds, And Analysis For Patriots Vs. Eagles
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