List of the Best CS:GO Binds | Total CS:GO

[D] CSGO Newbie Investing Guide (2019)


This is the first iteration of a new Newbie Guide to Investing in CSGO, covering most basic issues. Some subjects are in the work and will be added at a later date.

Before we start, THIS is a fantastic overview of CSGO Market History (until April 2019) and a must-have, including timeframes for regular and operation drops, many important events and lots of useful info, made by steamfrag

Which items can be invested in?


Introductionary Note: Discontinued consumables (cases, stickers and basically all containers) are better items for long term investment than non-consumables, since consumables get deleted from the market when used, thus reducing their quantity over time, unlike skins which are only deleted if a user gets banned or if the skins are used in trade-up contracts. Specific skins/knives/gloves could be profitable to invest and to hold long term, if you know exactly what you are doing. But generally skins are better suited for frequent trading and not long term investing, or if you want skins to play with and more or less hold their value with some potential to go up in price. As an example, Here is a video from TDM HeyJesus from last year explaining what I mean. If you are more interested in trading with others, nice knives and gloves, etc. and not mid/long term investing, visit /GlobalOffensiveTrade


List of all CSGO Cases in Chronological Order:

Case Name Release Date Rare or Active Drop
CSGO Weapon Case 14. August 2013 Confirmed Rare
eSports 2013 Case 14. August 2013 Confirmed Rare
Operation Bravo Case 19. September 2013 Confirmed Rare
CSGO Weapon Case 2 08. November 2013 Confirmed Rare
eSports 2013 Winter Case 18. December 2013 Confirmed Rare
Winter Offensive Weapon Case 18. December 2013 Confirmed Rare
CSGO Weapon Case 3 12. February 2014 Confirmed Rare
Operation Phoenix Weapon Case 20. February 2014 Confirmed Rare
Huntsman Weapon Case 01. May 2014 Confirmed Rare
Operation Breakout Weapon Case 01. July 2014 Confirmed Rare
eSports 2014 Summer Case 10. July 2014 Confirmed Rare
Operation Vanguard Weapon Case 11. November 2014 Confirmed Rare
Chroma Case 08. January 2015 Confirmed Rare
Chroma 2 Case 15. April 2015 Confirmed Rare
Falchion Case 26. May 2015 Confirmed Rare
Shadow Case 17. September 2015 Confirmed Rare
Revolver Case 08. December 2015 Confirmed Rare
Operation Wildfire Case 17. February 2016 Confirmed Rare
Chroma 3 Case 20. April 2016 Confirmed Rare
Gamma Case 15. June 2016 Confirmed Rare
Gamma 2 Case 18. August 2016 Confirmed Rare
Glove Case 28. November 2016 Confirmed Rare
Spectrum Case 15. March 2017 Confirmed Rare
Operation Hydra Case 23. May 2017 Confirmed Rare
Spectrum 2 Case 14. September 2017 Active
Clutch Case 15. February 2018 Active
Horizon Case 02. August 2018 Possibly Rare (needs more data)
Danger Zone Case 06. December 2018 Active
Prisma Case 13. March 2019 Active
CS20 Case 18. October 2019 Active
Shattered Web Case 19. November 2019 Active









  1. The Cache Collection
  2. The Chop Shop Collection
  3. The Cobblestone Collection
  4. The Gods and Monsters Collection
  5. The Overpass Collection
  6. The Rising Sun Collection



  1. The Assault Collection
  2. The Aztec Collection
  3. The Baggage Collection
  4. The Dust Collection
  5. The Inferno Collection (The Old One)
  6. The Militia Collection
  7. The Mirage Collection
  8. The Nuke Collection (The Old One)
  9. The Office Collection
  10. The Vertigo Collection


  1. The 2018 Inferno Collection
  2. The 2018 Nuke Collection
  3. The Bank Collection
  4. The Dust 2 Collection
  5. The Italy Collection
  6. The Lake Collection
  7. The Safehouse Collection
  8. The Train Collection






  1. M4A4 Howl (removed due to copyright violation) - The only Contraband item in CSGO
  2. Dual Berettas Retribution (removed due to artist ban)
  3. P90 Desert Warfare (removed due to artist ban)
  4. CZ75-Auto Poison Dart (removed due to artist ban)
  5. MAC-10 Curse (removed due to artist ban)
  6. USP-S Orion (removed due to artist ban)
Note: Some skins were banned from a case, but can be traded up to with trade-up contracts


  1. Sticker Howling Dawn (removed due to copyright violation)
  2. Sticker King on the Field (removed due to artist ban)
  3. Sticker Winged Defuser (removed due to artist ban)
  4. Sticker Harp of War (Holo) (removed due to artist ban)



Other ways to profit on the market than long/mid term investing












FAQ


How many items can I hold in my inventory?
Officially, 1000. You can list excess items on the steam market (for high unrealistic prices) and basically use the steam market as extra space. Note that the price of your listed items on market + your steam wallet cannot exceed $2000 at any given time. You can increase the number of items in your inventory and the amount of steam wallet money through some tricks. It is however recommanded that instead you simply make extra accounts and prepare them for usage as extra space and as storage accounts, if you need more space.

How much is the Tax/Fee on Steam Community Market?
Approx. 13%-15% total for most.
Here is one in Euro by donbernie and Here is one for items under $1 by HwanZike
Yes, if you want to make Gaben really happy, sell for 3 cents and give him 2

What are some real-money marketplaces for CSGO items?
Use all external sites at your own risk

I've personally used skinbaron and skinbay and had no problems so far. There are others out there like cs deals. Update (Oct 2019): I used Bitskins before they changed ownership in Oct. 2019. I am waiting to see who the new owners are (still unknown) and how the site develops, before using them again.
Also note that the most popular one, OPSkins was BANNED by Valve in 2018. Do not use OPSkins if you want to cash out from or cash in to Steam anymore. Their so called VGO Skins aren't actual CSGO skins, even though they look similar. Update (Oct. 2019): OPSkins apparently made a comeback with a P2P system without using Bots. Proceed with caution, because Valve basically sent them a cease and desist letter in the past letting them know that they aren't allowed to be associated with CSGO and use any intellectual property of Valve on their websites at all anymore.

What is the most efficient way to cash out?
Sell the items directly at Bitskins, Skinbaron or another trustworthy site. Depending on the items, this can take a while. As an alternative you can exchange your investments into liquid items (popular skins for frequently used weapons, certain knives, case keys, sticker keys, nametags etc. - spend some time to determine which item gives you the best rate) and sell those liquid items on external cashout sites. The latter method will increase the speed at which you get money but will lose you a larger percentage. Keep in mind that BitSkins/Skinbaron take a percentage (5% to 15%), Paypal takes a percentage (~2%), and that the item values on external sites (real money value) are always lower than in the Steam Community Market. Also, every transaction on the Steam Community Market takes away 15% already. Occasionally the items on external sites are so cheap compared to SCM that it becomes worth it to sell them on SCM instead, buy keys from the in-game store, and then sell those keys on external sites again. When selling on SCM it almost always is correct to sell with an order that's higher than the highest buy order and higher than the lowest sell order if the lowest sell order is lower than recent trends display.

What is the most efficient way to buy in?
Buy items (not necessarily CSGO only) from trustworthy external cashout sites or from highly reputable sellers with high cash rep if they offer a better deal (you can find some on /GlobalOffensiveTrade) and sell the items on the Steam Community Market. Spend some time to determine which item gives you the best discount compared to Steam Market Price. Be aware that some items such as souvenir skins, certain Stattrak knives, etc. might have a very high discount, but are very very hard to resell back on steam market, avoid these items and stick to popular items. There is a reason why they have such a high discount. Also be aware that some items might be manipulated on steam market, thus showing a very high discount on 3rd party sites when compared, avoid these items and check their market history to be sure. http://csgo.steamanalyst.com/hotdeals is one of the tools that can help you with good deals, or the deals section at BitSkins. The general rule is also the cheaper the items, the higher the possible discount. For instance you could buy very cheap stickers for sometimes 50% off, and resell on steam market. But the downside is that it takes a lot of time and effort than a single expensive item, but gives you more steam wallet money at the end. Make sure that after steam tax, you always get more money than if you deposit the money directly to Steam, otherwise this whole process becomes completely pointless.

What are the case opening odds?

Normal StatTrak
Knives and Gloves 0.26% 0.026%
Covert 0.64% 0.064%
Classified 3.20% 0.32%
Restricted 15.98% 1.598%
Mil-Spec 79.92% 7.992%

Why did item X increase/decrease in price?
Possible reasons: CS:GO updates/balance changes/game changes/market changes (e.g., Tradeup Contract), new cases/operations (both short-term, due to opening frenzies, and long-term, due to increased supplies of skins), a famous streameyoutuber hypes an item, someone tries to manipulate the market, a AAA game is released, a tournament is taking place (CS:GO, DOta 2 etc.), a Steam-sale like Summer sale is going on, a market-bug is ongoing, the ingame drop rate was increased/decreased, legal issues about things related to the CSGO market (e.g., betting/gambling), etc.

If I create a new Steam account, how do I transfer items to that account? How long does this take?
Create a new account, log in (via the thick client), set up your profile, enable Steam Guard, wait 15 days, and transfer the items to the account from your main (double check that it is your account). If you intend to use the thin client (e.g., via Chrome), make sure that you log in from there as well because Steam will impose a 7 day trade restriction on your account when you attempt to create a new transaction from a new device (a device meaning a new browser). Also, if you do not have mobile authentication enabled on the alt account, there will be a 3 day delay for trades. You can use the same phone number & email address for many Steam accounts. Also, Gmail forwards emails addressed to your account even if dots (.) are added in between the username characters of your email address.

If I create a new Steam account, how do I use the Community Market? How long does this take?
Same steps as above, but you need to purchase a game that costs at least $5 or deposit $5 into your Steam wallet (and wait a month) before being able to use the Community Market. Keep in mind that using a new payment method will trigger a weeklong community market cooldown on your account.

After buying a CSGO item from the Steam Community Market, how long do I have to wait until I can sell/trade it?
They are sellable immediately on the Market. You need to wait 7 days until you can trade them to another account. Note that items from some other games, have the 7 days cool down both for trading AND steam market (like Rust).

How do buy orders work?
When you place a buy order, the market first looks for all the cheapest items that can fulfill your order. Then the oldest listing (i.e. the seller who has waited the longest) is selected and purchased. If the items are listed in multiple currencies, the amounts are first converted into your currency before being selected (i.e. a 0.03 RUB listing has no priority over a 0.03 USD listing). If multiple buy orders satisfy a new market listing, the oldest matching buy order will be selected. It used to be different in the past, but was changed in 2017.

How do I create multiple listings at once on Steam Market?
You could use one the addons listed in the "useful sites and tools" section of this guide down below. The current most secure way (since no external extensions are used) is a solution suggested by u/soldture . Simply copy this link: https://steamcommunity.com/market/multisell?appid=730&contextid=2&items[]=Falchion%20Case
Change Falchion%20Case to your desired item name. This solution only works with commodity items. This also works with other games (you have to change the appid and replace it with the appid of that game, for instance Rust is 440.

Item X hyped and is going to moon. Should I Buy?
Usually parabolic moves are followed by a crash (not always but most of the time). It is almost never a good idea to buy when something is mooning because of a video, some news, manipulation, mass hysteria and hype or whatever else. Buy the rumour, sell the news.

Item X is crashing hard. The Market is crashing. I am shaking and panicking. Should I Sell?
Stay calm, take a deep breath and find out what is really going on and what you really think about it. As an example: there was a huge panic when gambling sites were being banned. Many people panicked and sold their items for ridiculously low prices. People were telling eachother that the skin market will crash and never recover if there is no gambling and the world is going to end. And here we are in 2019, and almost everything (including skins) is at its all time high. However, sometimes you just need to sell fast. Let's say you have a skin from a collection which was inactive for a long time, making the prices of the skins go very high, and then suddenly the collection became active again for whatever reason. Or Gaben officially tells us that he is going to do something crazy with the market which will inevitably crash everything. In that case yes, sell fast (just an example)

Useful sites and tools

Use all external sites, tools and addons at your own risk, some are risky to use, some old and not updated


Chrome addons:

Useful Youtube Channels





Credits
Helicobacter: FAQ 2.0 (huge shoutout, copied a lot of stuff from this FAQ, sometimes word by word)
Steamfrag: Very useful graphs and market data

Disclaimer: The information offered here is not financial advice. We, the mod team, are just a bunch of gamers and hobby investors. Do your own due dilligence before investing any real money in to a game and do it at your own risk! Use all external links, sites, tools, addons, etc. at your own risk! Any information in this thread may be outdated at any given time. You should be mentally prepared to lose everything invested in virtual items. Valve could change the rules affecting the market anytime. Third party cashout and trading sites and their BOTS could be banned anytime. External events such as successful lawsuits against Valve, new state laws, new country laws, etc. could also affect the market anytime by forcing Valve to take measures (for instance case opening is now restricted in Belgium and Netherlands, OPSkins got banned, Gambling sites were banned, etc.). Also note that all of your items legally belong to Valve, even if you paid for them.


Suggestions and potential corrections to this guide are always welcomed and will be added if necessary and approved by the mod team. I will try to keep this guide updated.

Last updated: Nov. 2019
submitted by HostileHero to csgomarketforum [link] [comments]

I spent new years eve creating a somewhat narcissistic, yet comprehensive list of my life experiences

- I once had a tennis ball roll to me on the school court yard. I panicked and completely missed the ball with my foot, from that day I've had an irrational fear of tennis balls.
- There was this one time, that I attempted to subliminally message my uncle into giving up smoking.
- I once visited my friends house for the first time in secondary school, this friend of mine was telling me about his theory, that if two intelligent people play tic tac toe, it will always be a draw. I then of course in typical Jake fashion lost the game.
- My mum once called the police and told them I had been kidnapped after forgetting to check further down the street.
- My family and I have "meme Sundays" where I show them the memes of the week.
- The first time I ate pistachios my parents forgot to tell me that you need to REMOVE THE SHELLS. I THOUGHT PISTACHIOS WERE JUST A TAD CRUNCHY.
- I used to refuse going anywhere without my healies, as a result I ended up wearing them to church on multiple occasions.
- My family must have thought I was a very weird child, as until and till the age of 14, both my family and extended family bought me packs of batteries.
- My friend was once told to sing in music class, his face went extremely purple as he started to cry, effectively dubbing him the beetroot guy for the rest of the school duration.
- My dad has become known as "the half job nelson" after starting projects such as decorating the bathroom and then leaving them half way refurbished. It once took us 3 years to decorate one small downstairs toilet.
- i have an uncle who tells random titbits, regardless of who's (or if anyone) is listening.
- I was at uni for a year before having a drug induced psychosis and being diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
- I've played piano since a young age and have got to grade 6
- My dad worked at my school when I was growing up
- I passed out in a computing class once.
- One lunch time I convinced my classmates that I had a game on my calculator, but in actual fact just used a bunch of maths symbols.
- There was a school tour guide at our school opening who actively told parents that the school was rubbish.
- I've been using anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and sleep medicines for the past 6 months.
- I used to hack Minecraft servers
- I used to make flash games for my friends at school
- My sister used to have an imaginary alter persona known as Blee, who was given his own mii character.
- I have the most loving family anyone could ask for (you can't change my mind)
- I'm the house's tech guy as I have a degree in rebooting router.
- I've made many projects, one in which I tried to recreate J.A.R.V.I.S, to a very poor standard.
- My parents bought me a pet snake for Christmas, I've was promised one for good GCSE results, but never took them up on the offer.
- I have two floors to my room, albeit small rooms.
- We used to own golden crested newts which are now an endangered species.
- I've tried to commit suicide many times by many different methods. it appears to be one things I'm REALLY bad at.
- I wrote a piece on Neural Networks for my public speaking.
- I've recently realised that I'm bisexual.
- I coded my auntie a website for her art company.
- I used to get so high on weed that I couldn't even talk
- As it turns out, this auntie once ate a weed browny in Peru
- I have a sentimental attachment to technology and never though anything away.
- Whilst on holiday my sister got an infection and came up with bumps and bruises. I told her that we would have to leave her behind, she started crying.
- I have strangely excellent hearing and can sometimes hear people talking about me through the walls.
- I have a loving supportive family, and they bought me a book on the substance DMT for Christmas.
- I am very spoilt
- I have fed a manatee grass.
- The house we bought our kittens from a real life crazy cat lady who's house was infested with kittens, the whole place stunk of cat dung. The friend I had brought to this woman's house then gave the crazy cat lady a hug,
- I made racist internet friends who I would verbally abuse me daily whilst we were playing video games.
- I was paranoid for a month straight after being shown the Truman show by my parents.
- one holiday i was holding a shit in so long that when I eventually needed to go, I did a poo so big it wouldn't flush.
- whenever my sister needed the toilets I would make water fall noises and talk about water.
- People used to mistake me for a girl when I was a baby.
- I once skipped lectures for a whole month and replaced it with smoking weed and ordering Chinese cuisine.
- I was asked to edit a clip in high school for a short film called "what if apple never existed"
- I used to teach piano to people
- We once saw a poisonous from whilst staying in Guyana.
- My best skill is keeping the teacher talking about their personal life in order to avoid working.
- My attention span only lasts give or take about 0.015 seconds.
- My physics teacher revealed to us that he had recently watched Minecraft trolling videos.
- I've been skiing, my favourite sport is badminton.
- I don't remember my first kiss as I was black out drunk. I was told that it was a light peck, followed up with me being sick on the rug.
- I have asthma and hay-fever.
- Myself and my sister always wanted a baby brother growing up.
- I have the weird ability to accurately estimate when my food is done without checking the timer.
- I made a google home device for my A2 coursework before it was released.
- My dad used to race stock cars when he was younger.
- My university is 7 hours away from my house.
- I'm studying Computer Science but want to change to Sociology or Psychology
- I know the majority of information regarding drug safety.
- I used to play club penguin
- I once got bullied at a festival for having tatty shoes
- I made a bet with a friend for his phone that I couldn't catch a bunny rabbit
- I was bullied at high school by a boy named Tyler.
- I was moved out of my first school because I wasn't developing fast enough
- I've recently made friends with a super chill, transgender lad
- My uni flatmates once played a prank on me, where they pretended to go to sleep, but instead hid on my balcony, making strange noises.
- Another time my flatmates hid in my cupboard and spring out at me.
- I once tested to see if the tooth fairy came without telling my parents in order to see if there would still be money.
- My mum came from Sri Lanka and my dad from Guyana
- My 8th year classmates once turned the clock 2 hours early, leading us to be let out of the lesson, after the teacher realised her mistake she sprinted back down the corridor saying "come back!"
- I learnt Russian (to an extent) to communicate with other people in the game CS:GO
- I made a flappy bird clone for my university coursework.
- My dad's birthday is on April the first.
- My first console was the PSP Phat, and my favourite game was Gript Shift. My parents decided me to surprise me with the console just as we were taking off to another country.
- I used to play a mystery game called Spy fox, my mum completed the majority of the games for me, as I couldn't read yet.
- We kept a cattle prod taser in my room for when friends came to my dorm room. We played a game called shock for shock.
- I've played the piano at Disney world Paris to 3 people. I've also played underneath the Eiffel tower.
- My favourite cuisine is sushi
- I once got led to believe that I scored a point in rugby, but as it turns out I was running completely off the pitch. I ended up going head first into a bush.
- I used to be friends with someone at the end of my garden.
- I've built my own PC when I was 14 (it's not that difficult).
- Once as a skinny kid I sat on the swing and the ropes just broke as I fell to the floor.
- My dad would tell us that our brains would rot after we watched sponge bob square pants for 8 straight hours.
- When I first got into gaming, my mum told me that it makes you less sociable, she wasn't wrong.
- I once kept leaning back on my chair during class and annoying a kid behind me. When he finally had enough he pulled my chair back and the table fell flat on my head making a dull thudding noise. The smallest trickle of blood came running from my head. When I got to A&E my head was wrapped up with a massive bandage. When we went in to see the doctor, she took off my bandage and found the cut so funny she couldn't do anything but laugh. I had a massive bandage around my head for a small 2 cm cut.
- I once started singing and doing an extremely strange dance to myself in the mirror. To my shock and horror I saw a younger school kid just staring me in the face.
- My mum allegedly cried when watching Bambi for the first time.
- I once ran into a stick my sister was holding on top of my dad's shoulders in the dark. Fortunately we had a family friend who was a doctor camping with us. He told me that I scratched my cornier, when visiting A&E I told them this, and they were very confused at my knowledge.
- My dad bought my mum a SNES as a birthday gift, it has been her favourite present for many years.
- I once unknowingly put my hands into a wasp's nest while walking along a pier, the wasps were not happy.
- I once went against my flatmate in a shot for shot, and as my flatmates had been on my Facebook account earlier announcing it, my mum saw the post and started to get worried.
- I once asked my dad how they made objects out of air, after seeing a glass worker make an ornament.
- One month I helped out at a local charity.
- I'm a reverse closet nerd
- I once drank orange juice and then was forced to brush my teeth by my parents.
- I once had my taxi stolen by my flatmate who was posing as me. When I tried to knock on the cab's window he looked at me as if I was drunk.
- I once ran a botched computing club
- Myself my dad and my sister had a game called Fire wo wo woh, burning wo wo woh, in which you attempt to get a rubber ball in the fire place.
- I spent an unholy amount of time playing the game "Professor Layton" on my mum's DS.
- I shit with no clothes on, always have and always will.
- People started asking my dad for a hair cut after seeing the botched job he did on mine.
- I used to go upstairs to a studio room at lunch times and listening to tunes with friends
- I built an app for my team when entering the Cisco red button challenge of 2013.
- We used to own a pet cat who started meowing at my parents whenever I was crying
- My first word was light
- I'm simultaneously somewhat smart and a complete moron, something something quantum physics something
- I used to be an alter server at my church
- I'm black
- When I was younger myself, my sister and my friend decided to build a bridge out of sticks. Each day a guy came back riding over it his bike, we attempted to put acorns on the track to "burst" his tires. On the third attempt I got really upset and chased him back to his camp ground where here went to hide in his tent. I told his mother about what he had been doing and made him apologise to us.
- I've been on two long boating holidays
- I was once diagnosed with Arrhythmia of the heart, I convinced myself over the following week that I'd need a pace maker.
- My biology teacher once gave his pet fish medicine.
- I nearly got into a fight outside a chip shop for repeatedly poking a guy whilst drunk, until my friend stepped in and politely asked him to go away.
- I once participated in big fun, it was an event in which myself and my friends went to a children's creche play area on adults night and wandered around like we were children.
- I made a new friend and went to his house, I had uncontrollable farts all night.
- A young family friend of ours asked my dead if he "slipped on a banana", after he had an accident whilst playing badminton.
- I entered the mii plaza and was delivered a nazi hitler wii character.
- I once persuaded my teacher that our german exchange students were Spanish. He then said hola to the german exchange students.
- I cried on my first day at middle-school for getting a centure.
- Apparently I told the younger kids at my primary school my words of wisdom, which were if you get to the playground first you get the tricycles.
- I had my tonsils removed after getting tonsillitis.
- When I was younger I slowed down the Alvin and the chipmunk songs to listen to them in the original singers voice.
- When I was younger the show, "the shiny show" seemed to give me a migrane every time it was aired.
- For most of the social gatherings at middle school, I avoided them by saying I just made plans at the last minute.
- My english tutor hated JK Rowling because he allegedly insulted his wife.
- I started following the Yogscast at the time when they were still making Shadow of Israphel
- I made a somewhat strange compilation of scenes 10 years ago in which I had a Dalek and a Cyberman form a romantic bond.
- My favourite and first episode of Doctor Who was Madame De Pompa dour
- I attempted to create a full size replica of K9, but stopped after cutting the wooden base to size.
- I played a messenger in our school production of Shakespeare, in which I mumbled my lines and ran off stage like I was about to cry.
- My music teacher always let me sit at the grand piano, making me even more hated than I already was.
- Even maths mechanics lesson I use to blurt out random answers and got them wrong 80% of the time
- I used to share black eyed peas songs with my friends back when I was using a Nokia phone.
- I once participated in a competition in which we had to create the best protection for keeping an egg safe when chucked out a third floor window.
- I have 2 cats despite being highly allergic to them.
- For every school mufti day bar one, I wore school uniform to school.
- I once had my teacher do some dodgy work with my braces as they were causing me to bleed.
- I once had 4 teeth removed, my mother came in but was immediately squeamish, I found this funny and watched her leave again.
- I once climbed onto the roof of the campus building opposite my balcony.
- I first watched Rick and Morty when I was Ill and thought it was the best thing ever. I've come recently to hate the tv show purely due to it's fan base.
- I once got really mad people were pushing me in the changing room elbowed the air, hitting my friend Charlie in the face.
- I choose my particular university because I realised there would be drugs, as it was a port to sea.
- I cried during the ending scene of Short circuit, when the robot was running out of power.
- When I was younger my dad came into my room to me passed out on my bed looking up pictures of Emma Watson.
- My cousins introduced me to the I GOT GREEN BEANS POTATOES TOMATOES soundtrack.
- I once had a restaurant visit in which I made a face using two wine corks for chubby cheeks
- I once told my family I would meet them at the restaurant, as I had just started a CSGO match. My mum was not impressed when
- I once started selling selling the sunflower seeds with my friend for a amazingly priced £0. Our new business venture was put to a stop after one kid got an allergic reaction as a result of eating sun flower seeds HE KNEW HE WAS ALLERGIC TO.
- I once created a 4 way chess board, invited four people to play, and didn't tell them the rules.
- Most nights of my childhood myself and my dad would sit up in the attic playing Super Mario Bros 3, each time we'd lose our progress because we switched the Nintendo machine off.
- I found out Santa clause wasn't real when my mum was telling our family friend about how cheap she got my present. I later revealed this information to my sister, ruining her childhood as well as mine.
- I once built a portable hacking machine that performed a man in the middle attack
- Myself and my friend invented a country called Alyamania complete with a dictionary and own national anthem.
- I have a dog, 2 cats and a snake, although they don't seem to get on very well.
- I used to watch little cook big cook with my mum and we would make meals together.
- I used to keep two separate diaries, one for centuries and one for merit, as a result I was never put in a detention.
- I am planning on building a vivarium for my snake with two watch out towers connected by a bridge.
- I created a meme yesterday that got 5.0k views.
- I once had a asthma attack whilst running as a replacement, followed by the next day I slammed my hand in a door and my dad locked the car before. The nurses asked my dad if we were seeing any social workers.
- I once got knocked over my Borris Johnson
- I tried research chemicals and couldn't walk for 2 weeks.
- My dad has driven over my toes with his car because "i was being slow".
- I once stopped a guy from falling down an elevator.
- I participated in NCS
- I got Alcohol poisoning the first night I went out drinking and woke up to my two parents either side of me. I needed holding still by my dad so I could go for a pee. The ride home felt like a rollercoaster from hell.
- My parents met each other at Mc Donald's
- I once attempted to fix a go kart's missing axel with sellotape.
- My sister and I created a non-functional Rollar Coaster ride in which we put up a bunch of strings and attached a cardboard box.
- I had severe depression and suicidal thoughts at university. My friends would knock on my door every day and come into my room and sit down.
- Every time my dad left the room, I'm load up Minecraft instead of studying for my GCSE exams.
- I once went scuba diving in an indoor swimming pool.
- I hid in my sisters room more than 20 times in order to jump out at her.
- I attempted DOFE but was left behind by my group, and told them to "go on without me". I later sheepishly dobbed my team in for leaving me in the middle of no where.
- I once won an iPod nano in a raffle after explicitly telling my parents I didn't want to go.
- I used to create PayPal accounts when I was younger and created a new account each time my current account was maxed out.
- Whilst waiting for the meals to come in a restaurant, I'd often play square/dots with my mother.
- I changed my mind on the course I'm studying and switched from Computer Science to Psychology (not confirmed).
- In primary school a gender haired kid called Louis asked me if i knew why we had ball sacks, then promptly told me it was to keep your dick up as you pee.
- When I had nightmares I'd go and sleep in my parents room.
- I had an irrational fear of the dark
- I once stopped talking to a girl for a whole summer holiday because she was distracting me from playing CSGO.
- In my first Minecraft world I built a castle with some friends. The stairs kept catching on fire, my friend told me that happens sometimes. Years later he came forward telling me that HE was the one setting the stairs on fire.
- I have over 2000 hours in the game CSGO.
- I was a prefect at my middle school but took into school a badge that said "perfect" from hawking bazar, and got demoted of my prefect badge.
- I once did a whole project on golden crested newts found in my garden, my project got an A.
- During our short film "What if apple never existed", we recruited the theatre lighting guy who set us all up with explosives. The explosive was understandably extremely underwhelming.
- I once had to call an ambulance for my nanny after she started having a fit.
- We once had a house abroad that was infected by 1000s of ants, we could see them marching under the door.
- My sister was born 3 months early.
- I have never been to a funeral.
- I participated in the cult, the beavers for a short while.
- My parents taught me to gamble at a mere age of 14.
- The best burrito I had I bought in kingston which contained chips.
- I have a lot of ideas but never do anything with them.
- I once found a small snake in a car park, and after being told to let it go by my parents I secretly gave it a kiss.
- We found a bird with a broken wing, we attempted to make it a sling before it's unfortunate death. We wrote the bird a tomb stone with chalk.
- A long time ago I used to have a friend called SkyLordWolfMan, my parents would constantly make fun of the fact I was saying that name for a whole summer.
- I've played piano at both my aunties and music teacher's house
- When I put my hand up in class when my dad was a teacher my dad would always pretend he couldn't see my hand.
- I stayed at school almost every day for my whole high school experience as my dad had to finish off some "late work". It's strange but his work must have involved beer because I could always smell it.
- I once went up to a teacher called Mrs. Jelly, and said "are you feeling wobbly today", fortunately she didn't hear.
- I was once hit in the balls after trying to help with a coconut game.
- I once took a orange cartoon full of vodka into the uni library in order to prepare myself for a presentation. As it turns out I was 1/2 an hour late for the presentation and it had already finished.
- I childishly made mock flamethrowers using a deodorant can and a lighter on multiple occasions at university.
- My first band was Clean Bandit, the clean bandit before they went mainstream.
- When I was younger my parents took myself and my friend to a concert, we both awkwardly stood there without moving for 5 hours, the woman on my left kept nudging me with her elbow, which really hurt.
- My grandad used to be a grand master chess player until his recent departure about a decade ago. I never actually met him, so found it hard to cry with my mother when she was mourning him.
- I used to read Captain Underpants and Alex Skyrider as a kid.
- I once came home with two odd shoes, we spotted it on our way to a restaurant, and the people behind us started laughing.
- On one Geography field trip instead of doing my coursework, I found a bug that allowed me to message all the other workstations on the network. People found it VERY annoying.
- I was once auctioned off to the school for charity.
- I once participated in a band performance where I couldn't feel my fingers.
- When I was younger I had a business venture in which I decided I would rent out a whole
- I had this brief period in my teenage years where I was addicted to making puns.
- My cousin once fell in the pond as she mistook the sea weed for grass.
- I used to run a web show with my sister and her friend where we made a shot for shot budget rip-off of I-Carly
- I once made myself sick as a kid to get out of doing an exam
- I'm a recovering 9gagaholic, this one I'm really ashamed of.
- I once left my phone recording my food whilst telling my flatmates not to steal any. I came back to a video of my flatmate sheepishly deciding over which piece of chicken to take whilst my other flatmate stood still
- One halloween I dressed up as the Cliche Slender man.
- I once had a full blown panic attack whilst in an interview at Maplins, needless to say it didn't go too well. As it turns out this shop has just gone out of business, it's a shame because visiting was my favourite place to go other than Mc Donald.
- I used to have a paper round, but instead of walking, my dad drove me around each street like the lazy fucker I am.
- The first time I played Minecraft I was sent into the nether by my classmates, following this, they broke the portal leaving me stranded in the hell world. I ended up not playing the game again for about a year later.
- I've been to Bletchley park 7 times.
- I've had upwards of 8 quad copters but broke each one.
- My last quad-copter's death was as a result of me demonstrating to my friend how you would lose control of it.
- I used to have this really cool robot that could do back flips. My dad took it into work to show everyone and broke it. When we went back to the shop instead of getting the same toy, they told us that the toy had been discontinued and we would only get a cash refund (resulting in me getting no Christmas present for that year)
- When asked to draw a picture of myself in primary school I added my sister into the drawing
- My earliest memory is driving around the french alps listening to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles.
- My dad once introduced my mum to a pyramid scheme.
- At the end of a night of clubbing, a lad helped me take my friend back to the flat, then lectured both of us 3 hours on joining his pyramid scheme.
- A girl in my university dorm got upset with me for writing her name on the birthday list. She scribbled her name out and later that day someone else came along and wrote it back on the wall.
- I once fell off a tree and hit my head, could not move for 5 minutes. Felt different ever since.
- My piano teacher gave up on me because I wouldn't listen to anything she was saying.
- I used to ran a Minecraft server in which I'd get donations for in-game ranks.
- I once came up with a plan to infect the internet's VPS servers with viruses.
- When I was younger, my PC was remotely accessed by a hacker, during a session of Minecraft. After sending me attempts to
- I enrolled in a french class and managed to learn a staggering 5 words in french, including bonjour.
- My flatmate once nearly burnt the house down cooking bacon.
- My mum brings coffee up to my room in the morning.
- I wake up to my dog licking my face every other day.
- My mum once came in a snow ball rolling down the hill
- I used to think using XD was the trendiest thing in the world.
- I was once asked to run a power point slideshow for my teacher as I was the "tech guy". I showed almost every slide early and ruined every question of the speech, needless to say I was never asked to run the PC again.
- My family and I used to play Wii Party almost every night
- I made a game for the people at my school in which you had to avoid teachers and get to a checkpoint.
- I dream of going sky diving and visiting India in the future.
- For a short period I thought I had autism
- For a short period I wore glasses because I purposely blurred my eyes, I wanted to see what it was like.
- I've got almost perfect 20/20 vision
- When I was younger I had a whole month of depressive mood after coming to the conclusion that someday, my parents will die. Going through Existential nihilism is tough when you're a 10 year old kid.
- My favourite movie is Ex Machina.
- When I was younger I got offered a job at Maplins, only to have my application denied half a decade later.
- I once made a quiz about my home country, Guyana for my class.
- Our project in middle school was to create a wooden frame and do a puppet show for the lower school kids. I spoke to my partner and she said I could keep it in 2 years, she never got back to me.
- I used to host a spy club named SpyG with some close family friends and sister. SpyG was short for "Spy Grownups" as we'd both plant recording devices to listen to what they were saying and taught "potions" classes, which consisted of mixing a bunch of household cleaning products. Inspiring!
- I once stopped someone in a corridor and started singing "stop stop, being so hard on your self" in an incredibly camp and dramatic sounding way.
- My first music event at school was a Beatles concert, my dad had setup.
- We had guinea pigs until a day where I forgot to bring them back inside and they went missing.
- My cat once brought in a dead mouse, and kindly left it in my shoe for me to explore in the morning.
- I bullied my sister into letting me take the cuter kitten, only to find my kitten hated humans.
- My middle school teacher once started a rant about how "you probably all think I'm a terrible teacher". I said yes under my breathe and was sent out immediately.
- We had a Latin teacher who told us to go speak with his elevator, Elma when we did something wrong. Additionally he frequently sent his students to "Siberia", which in actuality was just a cold part of the corridor outside the class room.
- I once went to a school of disabled kids and read them books with my friends.
- I once skipped a GCSE exam to edit my band's auditions.
- I once cried at the breakfast table in front of my parents because the comedown was so bad.
- For a few hours I was a professional DJ.
- I once kept a tech support scammer on the line for a total of three hours during my GCSE exam week.
- I'm able to hold my breathe for a total of 3 minutes.
- I don't have a favourite colour
- I have always and will continue to take the explosion papers out of the Christmas crackers before anyone can get to the table.
- I had a brief period where I would only use words that an 8 can be added onto, such as m8, r8, gr8, f8. One of my Christmas presents was titled "get rekt m8", this bring back many cringe-worthy memories.
- I once electrocuted my room's door handle using a piece of foil, a wire and a shock pen from Chessington world of adventures.
- I wasn't socially aware up until a few years ago.
- I remember one Christmas my parents bought me a tooth brush which came along with a space man video game on a disc. I thought it was the best thing in the world.
- I predicted trump would be the president a few months before he was announced. I shortly did the same with Brexxit.
- My auntie voted out of the EU, because she just "wanted to see if she could do it".
- A silhouette of me peeing was once seen by my family who were waiting in the car. When I came back they were all laughing at me.
- I once excitedly asked my parents if I could unlock the door whilst on holiday only to have the key break in half in the lock. sad!
- On the first day of university I broke down crying in front of my new pal outside on the balcony about how shit I thought university was going to be.
- My mum accidentally mentioned Adolf Hitler at a Jewish get together, and everyone fell silent.
- I started my second school without any friends and finished it without any friends.
- I once had a psychotic dream that the cleaners at my uni were planning on killing me outside my room.
- When I was younger, I wrote a story ending with the line "and it was all a dream", the teacher was not impressed
- When my dad was at uni he played a prank on his flatmates in which himself and his friends use
- My dad used to have an Afro.
- When I was younger I was sat in my friends car with his mum. For some reason she then decided to tell my friend that
- I did 99% of my homework in the 5 minute change between two classes
- I once made a joke ripping on a weighty dude saying "don't give it to him he'll eat them all" about a bag of Christmas sweets.
- I had a phone but no sim card for the majority of my life time.
- One time I woke up to a hangover and ended up buying 20+ paintball tickets to boost my mood.
- My dad was constantly labelled as officially cooler than me at my middle school
- My mum begged me to watch The Matrix, after viewing she said it wasn't very good.
- There was a teacher at my last school who taught German and hated me to much he told a whole other class my grade in an attempt to inspire them.
- We once stole our neighbours blow up snow man and left them a ransom note, the kids were not happy!
- I've never had a girl/boyfriend
- We hid a hidden camcorder between the two fridges at my uni because someone kept stealing food.
- I almost once drowned at sea, fortunately my new french friend carried me back to the sure.
- I have a Sound-cloud track with 25,000 plays.
- Once my dad belayed me up a climbing wall and on my descent I decided to jump off the wall, he went flying into the air as I'm heavier than him
- During my primary school days, I invited a girl called Georgia over to play on the Wii with me. I ended up leaving her to play club penguin with my friends, she spent the rest of the time playing Wii Sports with my mother.
- My favourite show growing up was fairly odd parents.
- Growing up I used to own a Tamagotchi and a PDA (which was very recent at the time)
- A teacher at my school once asked if we could go to a red light district on a school trip.
- I used to own a very poor quality Facebook group
- A few days ago I had a dream that I was being sucked out of my body into the after life.
- I've played at two weddings, these being my music teachers and my aunties.
- I was once in my towns local news paper for playing the piano at Ronnie Scotts, despite my performance being terrible.
- I was once the only participant in a school trip, it was plastered with long awkward pauses
- I'd give people climbing lessons and tell them what "rank" they were.
- My child hood memories are all off playing crocodile clips on windows 98
- I knew about Apple wireless ear buds a few months before it was released as I was doing work experience at Artemis, a investment funds manager.
- My teacher constantly called me a hypocrite and when I asked what she meant she said look it up.
- I got a reply from 3kliksphilip on one of my videos
- I once caught a guy stealing usernames and passwords using a phishing site, and he got taken into custody. I was invited to a Code breaking event but turned it down.
- I once setup the school theatre to play Super Mario bros 3 on the big screen.
- I was once described as "shady, but in a wholesome way"
- I once went off peace while skiing and ending up skidding down a hill into a tree.
- I once annoyed my mother so much that she started throwing the beef jerky she had bought for me all around the train platform.
- My sister was once hosting a party and a single tomato dropped on the ground. My mum came into the room, saw this and was very upset.
- Once I ate watermelon and came up with a rash, my parents couldn't believe this and made me eat watermelon the next day, I had another allergic reaction
- I used to play Minecraft with Steven Moffat's son.
- My friend's uncle is a famous scientist, I once met him at a family friends get together.
- When younger my parents asked me to count up to 10, I counted the numbers by pointing at my fingers, my parents asked me if I could count any higher and I counted with my fingers again, but this time putting my hands above my head.
- I once brought a random guy who I thought was my flatmate's boyfriend to my flatmate and connected their hands. They were both very confused, I later explained this story to her and she found it hilarious.
- My dad was once stopped whilst belaying me on a climbing wall by this really over-eccentric, dramatic guy, who rushed in like he was a super hero and took over, he was very happy with himself that someone had made a mistake.
submitted by JakeN9 to BenignExistence [link] [comments]

Over 500 hours played, Abusive tips and normal tips for players.

Final Edit : I quit the game when I made this post. I'm afraid that I can't answer any more questions directed to me as my answers wouldn't really be accurate since there's been tons of balance patches since then. I've recently got an internet upgrade that'll allow me to stream, so if you've found the post helpful in any way, it'll help me if you guys would chuck a follow on my twitch channel "http://www.twitch.tv/cure". I play tons of other competitive titles at the highest level.
Personal opinions on the game:
I'm aLtCure, I play games competitively and professionally for a living. I've started playing Ark the first day its been released, 18 hours a day till yesterday and here's the reasons why I'm leaving the game, as well as some tips for players that are looking to get better. I'll probably come back when the game is more balanced/fixed. It's just ridiculous that I alone could police an entire server (I demolished any tribe that kills a low-level on 298 pre-wipe by levelling their base and continuously griefing them daily till they leave the server) Griefing is a part of the game that needs to be fixed. It should take way more effort to grief a person than it is now. I shouldn't be able to respawn as a lvl 1 on HC, make 10 spears and go outside a fully metal base to spear their rex to death. Also, if you abuse the stuff mentioned below, you wouldn't die much at all.
--Abusive Tips--
Abusing render distance (Cannot be countered)
Set your render distance to the lowest possible, other players will render in before trees do, which lets you see them while they're in forested areas / behind rocks. Also exceptionally useful for hunting and griefing people. Fly above the trees at max render range and easily spot their base since the trees won't render in.
https://gyazo.com/8770366d9a69d4b064ccf3ca4be1df36
In the image above, you'll see none of the rocks rendered and a hidden 1 by 1 easily spotted.
Abusing orbit camera glitch (Cannot be countered)
Rebind the orbit camera hotkey to your middle mouse or any other key thats easy to hit. If you're playing on hardcore server, its the key you'll be hitting the most. Zoom all the way out and tilt mouse upwards to look under the map to spot people easily (Use with tip #1). You can also use this to fly above the ocean and look below it for oil nodes etc. If you're in the middle of the map, doing this lets you spot ALL the airdrops on the map.
https://gyazo.com/c853b0ea925c5b3ccac4726d7b64bd8c
https://gyazo.com/724bef99eaa26dba4215c5de18274531
In the first image above, you'll see that i'm able to look through the mountain before grabbing the drop. The second image shows other uses for it.
Abuse flying buildings (Added Counter)
There's certain placements you can make with buildings to make them "fly" You destroy the base of the building when its done, and the building will never come down. I won't go into specifics on how this is done, but devs should fix it soon. Its virtually impossible to take this down unless you use RPGs. You can add icing on the cake by spiking the sides so argents can't destroy it. You can make multiple flying buildings beside each other, each containing the equal amount of loot so no matter how they RPG it down, it wouldn't be worth it for them to raid it. They just spend alot more raiding it than they will get out of raiding you. Bonus if you're online and despawn the loot while they're RPGing it down.
Destroy it from the bottom, the bottom cannot be spiked. Can also easily grenade it from any angle and then hit with argents
https://gyazo.com/b3a7fb1f198461b01b9e297635e327b3
Example. (Turn up gamma for this image)
Abuse Offline Raiding (Added counter)
When you find out which players are in which tribe. Go to steam, click servers, press view server info to check if players are online. Personally I leave the server info open on my second screen, and hit them the moment they go offline. Use arrows to bait all the neutral dinos to their fence, then pike them down from outside. Relatively easy to do. Once everything is down, land above their behemoth gate, then spam U to stop your flyer with you. Kill the rest of the small dinos from above, then start grenading.
Have someone online, it's a steam function, it cannot be prevented any other way
Abuse Dino Pens/Glitch T-Rex (Added Counter)
Shoot at anything that's on neutral, aggro it to the edge of the pen/wall. Stab at it with your speapike. The speapike outranges any dino's attack range (except brontos I believe) so you can technically kill a lvl 100 trex when you're lvl 1.
The counter to this would be to have 2 layers of fence. The second layer of fence will be at the max range your rex's face stick out. This way even if they glitch through the first layer of wall, the rex will attack if he tries to pike. Place your spikes outside the second layer of fence, slightly further away from the 2nd fencing, so if a grenade is used for your spikes, it doesn't splash onto the wall. With enough grenades though, it cannot be stopped. He'll just break your outer fence and pike infront of the inner fence.
Glitch View Through Ceilings (Added Counter)
Grab a friend, drop him off on someone's roof. Run into the ceiling as you pick him up, he'll be able to see INSIDE the base through the ceilings. This is especially useful to look at the interior of the house and decide whether or not to raid it. (Grenade cost vs Loot) and also to look at the layout and decide which direction you should be grenading/c4ing from. This can also be used to look into bases and decide which walls to break so you can get to the higher floors of the base easily.
The counter to this is to simply extend the highest part of your house by 1 spacing and add thatch roofing above it. Theres currently no known glitches to glitch downwards. So he wont be able to see through the thatch layer.
Glitch through walls & ceilings with bronto(Added Counter)
Various other dinos do this too, not only the bronto. But if you use the ceiling glitch stated above and see that someone's in the house trying to despawn his loot, you can rear end a bronto (Especially easy now that dinos can backpedal) into someone's house to use the bronto tail to knock him out of his house and get an easy kill. You can also use this to go into other people's bases. (To clarify, you don't attack with the bronto, you let the normal passive tail swinging of the bronto push you through walls. You can also go through ceilings on the slight upward swing on the bronto tail)
The counter to this will be to add a small spacing, then spikes in the interior, if they glitch through the wall, they die to the spikes. Make sure spikes are not sticking out of your wall, or he can grenade the spikes from the outside. LEAVE A SPACING
Glitch Teleport Through Ceilings upwards without dinos(Added Counter)
You can stand above a hatchframe , when it opens upwards, you can glitch through your own ceiling and end up above your house. Especially useful when getting raided by a small group, despawned all your stuff and want to get away safely when they know you don't have a hatchframe at the top of your base.
Get a person to stand above their base and wait
Kill a person through a ceiling/walls(Added counter)
If someone's raiding your base, he's above your ceiling and you have no choice but to despawn loot, try baiting him to talk or hear where he is from his footsteps are coming from. Place 4 spikes to box him in and he'll die if the uppermost layer of your base is 1high. Alternatively, you can demolish the ceiling and box him in, then use spikes to stab him from the sides as shown below.
The counter is to just don't raid the damn person, it's that easy.
https://gyazo.com/06556f164c6d1854543cd2b72258fdf3
https://gyazo.com/b9b8d1f0dc875f7f13cd06e417f838d8
Screenshot 1 shows how it looks like when i killed the first guy on the roof. Screenshot 2 shows how I killed the other guy that managed to get through the ceiling. Also, i had a bed placed elsewhere, so I fast TPed off after killing the second guy and despawning the rest of my stuff. Third guy couldn't come in because of the spikes. Wasted over 60 of their grenades and the levels on the other 2. Hardcore server <3
Gamma/Nightvision
Gamma for NVIDIA Only.
https://gyazo.com/3f9c1f129ca0b5a2366b5104f56c1c95
Turn up your gamma from here. And toggle between "Other applications control color settings" and "Use NVIDIA Settings". Now at night, you can see clearer than in the day. No more nightvision statfood required.
Visual aids
Type "r.bloomquality 0" and "r.lightshafts 0" in console. Now you no longer have glare and reflections. Meaning when facing the sun or moon, you can still see perfectly. Metal buildings also don't shine in your face anymore.
--Non Abusive Tips--
Things to bring when you're out raiding:
1)Longshot (By far the best gun. Equal weapon sway to AR, 1shot HS kills about anything including birds)
2)Fabricated Pistol (Best Cost-Dmg ratio, also spammable and has decent magazine size)
3)Bow&Tranq (For low level dinos)
4)Nades (For walls)
5)Spiked barricades (EXTREMELY USEFUL, Place it down when you have their huge dinos chasing you. Watch them aggro on it and laugh. Also, use to block bullets when reloading)
6)Parachutes (Birds picking you up)
7)Blood (Self-explanatory)
8)Sleeping Bag (Place before you raid, so you can spawn instantly incase you die)
9)Stat food. (Self-explanatory)
10)Storage Boxes (To keep excess loot in nearby spots to come back and take it later, since you wont be able to take everything back in 1 trip)
11)Extra sets of Flak
12) Stimulants
My Raiding Hotkeys
1-Longshot 2-FabPistol 3-Barricades 4-Blood 5-Bow 6-Nades F1-Parachutes F2-Stimulants F3-Sleeping Bag F4- Statfood Q - Prone MiddleMouse - Orbit Camera
Raiding Flow & Gun reasoning
The longshot rifle is your main gun. 1 bullet HS kills about everyone. Prone to reduce weapon sway while scoped. Noscope with the longshot has almost 100% accuracy.
Fabricated pistol is useful at short-mid-long range since there's no bullet drop and you can fire shots at max render. It also has no spread, no bullet drop, no sway while scoped, and very minimal recoil. Noscoping with the fabricated pistol is also extremely accurate and ammo is extremely cheap.
Shotgun is probably the most useless gun of all, 2 ammo, extremely close range required, and very expensive ammo cost.
In a situation where 2 or more people are rushing you, and you're low on health. You should immediately drop a barricade, reload, switch your flak out for new ones if required and blood up. Orbit to see their positioning and peek and shoot with your longshot. Assuming you miss the HS and land a body, rush him with the fabricated pistol and barricade off the other guy. You should handle it with 2-3 bullets after a body with the longshot, which leaves 10~ bullets for the second guy. If you had a shotgun however, and they peek the barricade far, you'd be exposed with no real attacking potential at mid-range. Most real PvPers I've seen come from Rust, and they like to rush with the shotgun zigzagging (similar to pipes in rust). It's easy to stop them with barricades and when they're forced to turn a corner, gain distance and spray with the fab. The only real time I see a shotgun being useful is in extreme close quarters (ie, while both of you are in a base, whether you're a defender or raider). Even in that situation though, grenades work better than a shotgun would. Just stay at a decent distance and lob grenades till he runs out of armor sets. Be creative with your barricade usage, zigzagging, prone tapping, and you'll be an unstoppable 1 man army ;) When raiding with a tribe, remember to ALWAYS drop sleeping bags before raiding. When you're looting a friend that died, always remember to drop barricades too. Standing there , even proning and looting makes you a sitting duck.
Stats to get for PvP
Someone asked this question in the comments, so I thought I'd copy my reply here where its more visible.
You'd have to reroll pretty often when they make balance changes. Before the bird nerf, it was a good idea to go lower on stamina and higher on melee damage, since you'll be on your bird most of the time fighting their birds, if you get picked up you start piking their bird, hence more melee damage. Post bird nerf, you just 1shot the bird with sniper rifles, so you can afford to put points elsewhere. If you're basing underwater or on an island, oxygen is always a must have. Not many people know this but oxygen also increases swim speed. 200-250 weight is always a must, you'll be pretty heavy if you bring everything i stated above for raiding. The extra weight is for taking loot after raiding. 20 Fortitude is also a bare minimum to prevent getting tranqed out really quick. IMO the ideal stats at the very moment would be 220-250 weight, at least 150 stam and 150 oxygen if you're basing underwater, at least 20 fort, and the rest into health.
Reasoning : You might not be able to get into their loot room instantly if they're online. If you kill a person outside, you need to be able to get their entire kit (From guns to blood to parachutes to barricades) etc, and store it in your nearby box. I've forgotten the exact numbers for guns, but iirc its 240dmg for a headshot on a naked using a simple pistol. If my armor is about to break i drop a barricade, sit behind it and equip my 2nd set of flak. Having a higher HP pool just means i can stay out longer without dropping a barricade, have more room to tap blood, etc. Barricades are also heavy so you don't want to carry to much of em around. Don't forget that fall damage doesn't scale off max health, so technically if you have to jump off small cliffs you won't have to deploy parachutes as parachutes simply make you a sitting duck. Movespeed to me is just gimmicky, if the guy you're up against is good at flickshots, he'll still get you regardless of how fast you move. Your best bet would be dodging with prone double tap and zigzagging. Just comparing the benefits of both, health would always be a better choice. Just an FYI too, if you max speed from 1-65, you'll still be slower than a raptor.
Dodging bullets
When you see someone, and you're ready to take a gunfight, zigzag when you're running towards him by turning left and right while holding w and shift, and double tap the prone key every now and then (I rebinded mine to Q). You're basically unshootable.
Running from saddled dinos
Zigzag through forested areas, they 100% cannot catch you. Use orbit toggle trick to tell where they are while running away.
Underwater Caves
Consider basing in one. Auto turrets at the edge of the entrance will start shooting at people swimming in, at that point they can't do anything about being shot at. 2-3 auto turrets makes it essentially unraidable.
Hiding Loot
For hardcore servers, there's really no point basing till you have enough levels or blueprints. In this scenario, keep your loot crates in murky waters, or underneath corals in the ocean. Underneath corals is always the safer choice. Also, don't place it too deep as people might run into it while hunting for oil. Also have multiple "GrabNGo" boxes set up in the ocean which contains a set of armor, pick, hatchet, blood, and pike. If you ever die, just pick up from that box and you're good to go.
https://gyazo.com/8770366d9a69d4b064ccf3ca4be1df36
Image shows example of murky water that you can hide loot in.
Balance Suggestions
1)Tribes should have a limit of members on official servers. I've played on an official server (298) which was dominated by a Chinese tribe with over 50 members. Yep, 50 members when the server cap is 70. Raiding them is virtually impossible when they're always online, base on the coast, and keep respawning and punching out your dinos. I tried raiding them with multiple rexes, they just kept respawning and eventually punched everything out. It was however, possible for me to grief them out of the server by just killing all their dinos repeatedly everyday.
2)Exp bonuses should be given to solo players instead of tribes. It's already so much easier when you have a tribe. The XP boost makes the game virtually impossible to play unless you're like me and play 16-18 hours daily. Also, some people enjoy playing the solo game more than with others. In a dev POV, you would get more players interested in the game and not quitting because for the past 3 days they logged on, they have to start building their base from scratch.
3)Flyers is probably the hottest balance topic so far. The easiest way to balance birds would be to have specific roles on each. Pternanodon for speed with low hp, argent for either slow sieging or transporting. Buff the argent's health back up, lower its movement speed heavily. Players will have to choose between upgrading its damage and deal with the slow speed, or up its movespeed to be a flying mule and sacrifice its damage potential. Taming an argent requires hours and saddling it requires you to be 55. It only makes sense that an argent should be able to break low level players. As I said earlier too, 1 bullet that costs 2 ingots and 12 gunpowder should not be able to 1shot a lvl 35+ argent.
4)Explosives are a major problem. Nobody uses c4 or RPGs since grenades are incredibly cheap to make and extremely expandable. If c4s and RPGs are in the engram book, people should be using them for endgame raiding. Any high level with a megalodon can get over 400 oil (100 nades) easily within an hour or two. Easy way would be to nerf the damage of grenades on metal structures to shit, while slightly buffing their damage to wood. Buff the damage of c4 by 1/2, as you'd have to walk up to the doowall to place it. RPGs can stay the same if grenades are nerfed.
5)Cementing Paste is the most annoying resource since you need it for almost every important thing endgame. Chitin and Keratin is a bitch to farm without a saber. It's also easy for people that control caves to get in an extremely dominant position if they're the first to get metal on the server. Increase droprates on keratin from all available mobs by 1/4 to balance it out. Alternatively, add a small amount of cementing paste to all high level drops to encourage pvp around airdrops more.
6)Metal is way too easy to obtain. Each metal run with an argent is about 100 ingots. Remove rich nodes/make them extremely rare or decrease the amount of node spawns on mountains by 1/3. Everyone now has a surplus of metal because of the lack of chitin/kera. Not sure if this is intended, if it is, means you guys intended for the higher skill cap of using spikes for PvP-related reasons.
7)Megalodons are not easy to keep alive when you leave them in the ocean. Make AI megalodons not automatically aggro tamed megalodons that aren't saddled by players.
8)Airdrops should be giving a small amount of raw materials and one random blueprint, not weapons or the other crap it gives now. Make the airdrops actually worth fighting for. There should also be a certain area of the map that has a higher spawn rate for high level airdrops (Ie, middle of the map). Makes high level players want to play deeper inland, and leave low levels players free to roam the beaches. This also puts players that choose to base in underwater caves, land caves and NE/SE islands at a disadvantage as they will not be able to benefit from high level drops, which is fair trade since the NE island has a good supply of chitin/kera and the SE island has a good supply of metal. So far the NE island has an insane spawn rate for airdrops.
9)Sound range when firing a gun should be increased. It's weird if someone shoots me at midrange and I can't even hear the sound of the gunshot. Silencer attachment is currently useless.
10)Laser sight shouldn't be obvious for the enemy to see. Facing it directly at an enemy's head should blind them momentarily like how the dilo's spit works. Using the laser sight at the moment is a disadvantage because its useless and gives away your position easily.
11)Flashlight attachments should blind the enemy with massive glare, make it so that when faced with the flashlight attachment their screen just turns really white, like how a flashbang works in csgo, but with a slightly reduced effect so it's not easy to get past it just by changing screen brightness. Alternatively, make it glare harder than the sun and disallow players to enter console commands r.lightshafts 0, and r.bloomquality 0). Flashlight attachments are useless atm too since every decent PvPer will find a way to get gamma regardless of whether or not it's disabled in console.
12)Narcotics should have diminishing returns when used on a player for an extended amount of time. A player shouldn't be able to grief another by constantly feeding them narcos for hours.
13)Players should be really slowed when tagged. Shooting a person with a sniper rifle should make them move alot slower for 1-2 seconds.
14)Shotguns need a buff to damage or reduce the ammo cost HEAPS, they're currently the most useless gun in the game, even the simple pistol is more effective.
15)Add decay to buildings. Fastest decay on thatch, slowest decay on metal. Makes buildings huge forts a pain to keep up and removes tons of forgotten unwanted buildings all over the map.
-Powerlevelling-
People were asking in comments for methods to powerlevel and hit 65 in a day, so here are a few "legal/legit" ways you can do it without using any exploits.
Method One- for solo players : Make spears and collect berries at lv1. Throw them at argents (headshots) to kill a few till you obtain a bow. Keep killing argents (Which drop bows/arrows/berries/armor, and farmable for meat/hide) while taming a trike. When trike is tamed, you should be high enough for a saddle, saddle it up and start farming narcoberries while argents respawn and make narcotics. Btw, 2 stone arrow headshots kill a lvl 29 argent.
Method Two(INSANELY QUICK)- for tribes : Farm a ton of wood, thatch, and fiber. Keep making the small storage boxes. They give approx 4xp(Not sure if exact) Farming cost to XP ratio for this is actually insane, about 3-4x more efficient than narcotics boosting. This just makes narcotics powerlevelling look complete shit in terms of crafting time to XP ratio too. Since you can be demolishing the boxes you put down for 1/2 the resources back, essentially you're crafting nonstop till you hit the level cap if 2 other people are pooling you resources. Also, when you're picking fiber, you'll get narcoberries for narcotics and other berries to regen food/water.
Proof images
https://gyazo.com/9d5032107b9449a99325c6f48d23d204 https://gyazo.com/2115b7d4b6452b9f74b38e45dcb61b4e
The images here show what I did to a few guys that attempted to kill me a day earlier, they tried killing me for 20~mins and I escaped alive by zigzagging through a forest armed with tranqs doing 180flicks. It only took me approx half a day solo to get stuff and demolish the work of 3-4 people. They had a rex, 3 argents, 3 sabers, 2 raptors, 1 mammoth, 1 ankylo, 1 scorpion. I killed everything they had and despawned all their loot before leaving the server as revenge. Killed them as they tried to come out too. This was on OC PVP Hardcore 165. Way too easy to grief.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/alternativecure
My profile
NOTE: So much hate, but I'm posting these things to even the playing field out there. These "bugs" have been around since launch. Some are asking why I don't simply email the devs. First, I want to even the playing field for the people abusing this. Second, devs will read this. They actually read everything since they're that amazing <3. Third, devs obviously have more pressing issues to fix (ie, optimization) before they actually come around to fixing the things I've listed above. As I've said earlier, if both sides have the same knowledge, the game is fair. If you know that the enemy glitching through the ceiling is a possibility, you'll be watching for it. If you know they can knock you out of your base with the bronto's tail, you'll be wary of it. All the things I've listed above, I've seen people doing while I've been going around servers. It's unfair that half the population have to play with a handicap. Also, to the people that say that I have no life playing 18 hours a day. This to me is leisure gaming, a break from the games I actually have to play and excel at. Being competitive is just in my nature when I play games. To all you haters, at least I'm doing what I have a passion for (playing games) and have been making a living out of it.
TL;DR : Found too many exploits that spoil the PvP mechanics of the game, which is all I play for. Facing 2 options now. Hop on the glitching bandwagon and be undefeatable or leaving the game till things get fixed, I choose to leave. Not losing is just too boring. I can destroy a metal base that someone worked weeks for and it would only take me and a friend a day starting from level one. In the meantime, I'm leaving all the info I know here for everyone to level out the playing field.
EDIT 1: Too many people crying about me griefing, I'll post this here because people don't read all the comments. I don't grief people for no apparent reason. Posting all the glitches here doesn't mean I actively abuse them. I do not need to please any of you, and I'm stating my opinions, thoughts and advice here for players that are interested. I have no need to answer any of your negative comments, and people that know me from offical server 298 know how I'm like. I only grief those who kill my dinos for no reason or attempt to raid my base. It's a PvP server, if you hit my base, expect me to hit yours back. I play competitively and my only goal is to "win". "Winning" in this game is surviving. Whatever it takes to survive in the game, I'll do. If I have to spend 2 hours scouting the map for your base everyday to level it to the ground till you leave the server, I will. If you're hostile, no way I'm letting you stay on the server while I'm still on it. Like hell I'm gonna sit around plucking flowers while you rebuild to raid me back. The point I'm bringing up is that its too easy for me to be griefing people solo, that takes all the challenge out of the game. For those of you that know nothing about me and think badly of me griefing, ask on offical server 298 or any other server I've played on. I've cleared some of the hated Chinese streamers that were server hopping and KOS/Wiping servers. I help lowbies all the time, give them mats/saddles, help nakeds that get killed on the beach and even pick people up when they're stuck. But if you're big enough to raid and grief people, you're big enough to get raided and griefed by me. Also, to you guys that were abusing these things before, don't get mad that now the playing field is even.
EDIT 2 : Stop pming to ask for the other major exploits, I will not release them even if you pay me
EDIT 3 : I'm not tech support, when i said ask me anything i didn't mean tech support ...
EDIT 4 : Second Major duping exploit has now been fixed, no point pming me anymore
EDIT 5 : Talking to Jat about the other exploits i know of, as expected, they are working on it RIGHT NOW. Pretty sure this guy is online more than me. Show the devs some love <3
EDIT 6 : Added more stuff into the glitches list
EDIT 7 : Added Various Balance Suggestions
EDIT 8 : Added counters to the glitches, too many people crying and abusing me in PMs. All the counters aren't that hard to think of yourself since I've already listed all the available glitches, if you use your brain to think of counters instead of ways to insult me for posting the glitches, maybe you'd already have the answers yourself.
EDIT 9 : Edited bottom part of the post to thank whoever gave me gold, and fixed various typos.
EDIT 10 : Added Stats to get for PvP, Gun reasoning, Raiding Flow and hotkeys
Thank you whoever it was for the reddit gold. Probably a waste on me since this is my first post and I don't use reddit much. And I doubt there'll be any huge follow up posts from me on reddit in the future too. Too much hate from this community. In the meantime, ask me anything related to the game, I'll reply as best I can. I would say I have a deeper understand on PvP mechanics since thats mostly what I do. I'll also keep editing to add to the post as i remember more stuff and as people ask more questions in the comments. Typed this one in a hurry. I'll be going on holiday tomorrow, and will be back in a week. If there is a real need to contact me, send me a tweet @aLtCure
submitted by aLtCure to playark [link] [comments]

300+ somewhat wholesome facts about my childhood, and what followed. AMA

- I once had a tennis ball roll to me on the school court yard. I panicked and completely missed the ball with my foot, from that day I've had an irrational fear of tennis balls.
- There was this one time, that I attempted to subliminally message my uncle into giving up smoking.
- I once visited my friends house for the first time in secondary school, this friend of mine was telling me about his theory, that if two intelligent people play tic tac toe, it will always be a draw. I then of course in typical Jake fashion lost the game.
- My mum once called the police and told them I had been kidnapped after forgetting to check further down the street.
- My family and I have "meme Sundays" where I show them the memes of the week.
- The first time I ate pistachios my parents forgot to tell me that you need to REMOVE THE SHELLS. I THOUGHT PISTACHIOS WERE JUST A TAD CRUNCHY.
- I used to refuse going anywhere without my healies, as a result I ended up wearing them to church on multiple occasions.
- My family must have thought I was a very weird child, as until and till the age of 14, both my family and extended family bought me packs of batteries.
- My friend was once told to sing in music class, his face went extremely purple as he started to cry, effectively dubbing him the beetroot guy for the rest of the school duration.
- My dad has become known as "the half job nelson" after starting projects such as decorating the bathroom and then leaving them half way refurbished. It once took us 3 years to decorate one small downstairs toilet.
- i have an uncle who tells random titbits, regardless of who's (or if anyone) is listening.
- I was at uni for a year before having a drug induced psychosis and being diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
- I've played piano since a young age and have got to grade 6
- My dad worked at my school when I was growing up
- I passed out in a computing class once.
- One lunch time I convinced my classmates that I had a game on my calculator, but in actual fact just used a bunch of maths symbols.
- There was a school tour guide at our school opening who actively told parents that the school was rubbish.
- I've been using anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and sleep medicines for the past 6 months.
- I used to hack Minecraft servers
- I used to make flash games for my friends at school
- My sister used to have an imaginary alter persona known as Blee, who was given his own mii character.
- I have the most loving family anyone could ask for (you can't change my mind)
- I'm the house's tech guy as I have a degree in rebooting router.
- I've made many projects, one in which I tried to recreate J.A.R.V.I.S, to a very poor standard.
- My parents bought me a pet snake for Christmas, I've was promised one for good GCSE results, but never took them up on the offer.
- I have two floors to my room, albeit small rooms.
- We used to own golden crested newts which are now an endangered species.
- I've tried to commit suicide many times by many different methods. it appears to be one things I'm REALLY bad at.
- I wrote a piece on Neural Networks for my public speaking.
- I've recently realised that I'm bisexual.
- I coded my auntie a website for her art company.
- I used to get so high on weed that I couldn't even talk
- As it turns out, this auntie once ate a weed browny in Peru
- Whilst on holiday my sister got an infection and came up with bumps and bruises. I told her that we would have to cleve her behind, she started crying.
- I'm allergic to cake and water melon (despite it being made of water??)
- I have a loving supportive family, and they bought me a book on the substance DMT for Christmas.
- I am very spoilt
- The house we bought our kittens from a real life crazy cat lady who's house was infested with kittens, the whole place stunk of cat dung. The friend I had brought to this woman's house then gave the crazy cat lady a hug,
- I made racist internet friends who I would verbally abuse me daily whilst we were playing video games.
- I was paranoid for a month straight after being shown the Truman show by my parents.
- one holiday i was holding a shit in so long that when I eventually needed to go, I did a poo so big it wouldn't flush.
- whenever my sister needed the toilets I would make water fall noises and talk about water.
- People used to mistake me for a girl when I was a baby.
- I once skipped lectures for a whole month and replaced it with smoking weed and ordering Chinese cuisine.
- I was asked to edit a clip in high school for a short film called "what if apple never existed"
- I used to teach piano to people
- My attention span only lasts give or take about 0.015 seconds.
- My physics teacher revealed to us that he had recently watched Minecraft trolling videos.
- I've been skiing, my favourite sport is badminton.
- I don't remember my first kiss as I was black out drunk. I was told that it was a light peck, followed up with me being sick on the rug.
- Myself and my sister always wanted a baby brother growing up.
- I have the weird ability to accurately estimate when my food is done without checking the timer.
- I made a google home device for my a2 coursework before it was released.
- My dad used to race stock cars when he was younger.
- My university is 7 hours away from my house.
- I'm studying Computer Science but want to change to Sociology or Psychology
- I know the majority of information regarding drug safety.
- I used to play club penguin
- I once got bullied at a festival for having tatty shoes
- I made a bet with a friend for his phone that I couldn't catch a bunny rabbit
- I was bullied at high school by a boy named Tyler.
- I was moved out of my first school because I wasn't developing fast enough
- I've recently made friends with a super chill, transgender lad
- I tried MDMA and ended up chasing ducks around the university campus
- I once tested to see if the tooth fairy came without telling my parents in order to see if there would still be money.
- My mum came from Sri Lanka and my dad from Guyana
- My 8th year classmates once turned the clock 2 hours early, leading us to be let out of the lesson, after the teacher realised her mistake she sprinted back down the corridor saying "come back!"
- I learnt Russian (to an extent) to communicate with other people in the game CS:GO
- I made a flappy bird clone for my university coursework.
- My dad's birthday is on April the first.
- My first console was the PSP Phat, and my favourite game was Gript Shift. My parents decided me to surprise me with the console just as we were taking off to another country.
- I used to play a mystery game called Spy fox, my mum completed the majority of the games for me, as I couldn't read yet.
- We kept a cattle prod taser in my room for when friends came to my dorm room. We played a game called shock for shock.
- I've played the piano at Disney world Paris to 3 people. I've also played underneath the Eiffel tower.
- My favourite cuisine is sushi
- I once got led to believe that I scored a point in rugby, but as it turns out I was running completely off the pitch. I ended up going head first into a bush.
- I used to be friends with someone at the end of my garden.
- I've built my own PC when I was 14 (it's not that difficult).
- Once as a skinny kid I sat on the swing and the ropes just broke as I fell to the floor.
- My dad would tell us that our brains would rot after we watched sponge bob square pants for 8 straight hours.
- When I first got into gaming, my mum told me that it makes you less sociable, she wasn't wrong.
- I once kept leaning back on my chair during class and annoying a kid behind me. When he finally had enough he pulled my chair back and the table fell flat on my head making a dull thudding noise. The smallest trickle of blood came running from my head. When I got to A&E my head was bandaged up with a massive
- I once started singing and doing an extremely strange dance to myself in the mirror. To my shock and horror I saw a younger school kid just staring me in the face.
- My mum allegedly cried when watching Bambi for the first time.
- My dad bought my mum a SNES as a birthday gift, it has been her favourite present for many years.
- I once unknowingly put my hands into a wasp's nest while walking along a pier, the wasps were not happy.
- I once went against my flatmate in a shot for shot, and as my flatmates had been on my Facebook account earlier announcing it, my mum saw the post and started to get worried.
- I once asked my dad how they made objects out of air, after seeing a glass worker make an ornament.
- One month I helped out at a local charity.
- I'm a reverse closet nerd
- I once drank orange juice and then was forced to brush my teeth by my parents.
- I once had my taxi stolen by my flatmate who was posing as me. When I tried to knock on the cab's window he looked at me as if I was drunk.
- I once ran a botched computing club
- Myself my dad and my sister had a game called Fire wo wo woh, burning wo wo woh, in which you attempt to get a rubber ball in the fire place.
- I spent an unholy amount of time playing the game "Professor Layton" on my mum's DS.
- I shit with no clothes on, always have and always will.
- People started asking my dad for a hair cut after seeing the botched job he did on mine.
- I used to go upstairs to a studio room at lunch times and listening to tunes with friends
- I built an app for my team when entering the Cisco red button challenge of 2013.
- We used to own a pet cat who started meowing at my parents whenever I was crying
- My first word was light
- I'm simultaneously somewhat smart and a complete moron, something something quantum physics something
- I used to be an alter server at my church
- I'm black
- When I was younger myself, my sister and my friend decided to build a bridge out of sticks. Each day a guy came back riding over it his bike, we attempted to put acorns on the track to "burst" his tires. On the third attempt I got really upset and chased him back to his camp ground where here went to hide in his tent. I told his mother about what he had been doing and made him apologise to us.
- I've been on two long boating holidays
- I was once diagnosed with Arrhythmia of the heart, I convinced myself over the following week that I'd need a pace maker.
- My biology teacher once gave his pet fish medicine.
- I nearly got into a fight outside a chip shop for repeatedly poking a guy whilst drunk, until my friend stepped in and politely asked him to go away.
- I once participated in big fun, it was an event in which myself and my friends went to a children's creche play area on adults night and wandered around like we were children.
- I made a new friend and went to his house, I had uncontrollable farts all night.
- A young family friend of ours asked my dead if he "slipped on a banana", after he had an accident whilst playing badminton.
- I entered the mii plaza and was delivered a nazi hitler wii character.
- I once persuaded my teacher that our german exchange students were Spanish. He then said hola to the german exchange students.
- I cried on my first day at middle-school for getting a century.
- Apparently I told the younger kids at my primary school my words of wisdom, which were if you get to the playground first you get the tricycles.
- I had my tonsils removed after getting tonsillitis.
- When I was younger I slowed down the Alvin and the chipmunk songs to listen to them in the original singers voice.
- When I was younger the show, "the shiny show" seemed to give me a migrane every time it was aired.
- For most of the social gatherings at middle school, I avoided them by saying I just made plans at the last minute.
- My english tutor hated JK Rowling because he allegedly insulted his wife.
- I started following the Yogscast at the time when they were still making Shadow of Israphel
- I made a somewhat strange compilation of scenes 10 years ago in which I had a Dalek and a Cyberman form a romantic bond.
- My favourite and first episode of Doctor Who was Madame De Pompa dour
- I attempted to create a full size replica of K9, but stopped after cutting the wooden base to size.
- I played a messenger in our school production of Shakespeare, in which I mumbled my lines and ran off stage like I was about to cry.
- My music teacher always let me sit at the grand piano, making me even more hated than I already was.
- Even maths mechanics lesson I use to blurt out random answers and got them wrong 80% of the time
- I used to share black eyed peas songs with my friends back when I was using a Nokia phone.
- I once participated in a competition in which we had to create the best protection for keeping an egg safe when chucked out a third floor window.
- I have 2 cats despite being highly allergic to them.
- For every school mufti day bar one, I wore school uniform to school.
- I once had my teacher do some dodgy work with my braces as they were causing me to bleed.
- I once had 4 teeth removed, my mother came in but was immediately squeamish, I found this funny and watched her leave again.
- I once climbed onto the roof of the campus building opposite my balcony.
- I first watched Rick and Morty when I was Ill and thought it was the best thing ever. I've come recently to hate the tv show purely due to it's fan base.
- I once got really mad people were pushing me in the changing room elbowed the air, hitting my friend Charlie in the face.
- I choose my particular university because I realised there would be drugs, as it was a port to sea.
- I cried during the ending scene of Short circuit, when the robot was running out of power.
- When I was younger my dad came into my room to me passed out on my bed looking up pictures of Emma Watson.
- My cousins introduced me to the I GOT GREEN BEANS POTATOES TOMATOES soundtrack.
- I once had a restaurant visit in which I made a face using two wine corks for chubby cheeks
- I once told my family I would meet them at the restaurant, as I had just started a CSGO match. My mum was not impressed when
- I once started selling selling the sunflower seeds with my friend for a amazingly priced £0. Our new business venture was put to a stop after one kid got an allergic reaction as a result of eating sun flower seeds HE KNEW HE WAS ALLERGIC TO.
- I once created a 4 way chess board, invited four people to play, and didn't tell them the rules.
- Most nights of my childhood myself and my dad would sit up in the attic playing Super Mario Bros 3, each time we'd lose our progress because we switched the Nintendo machine off.
- I found out Santa clause wasn't real when my mum was telling our family friend about how cheap she got my present. I later revealed this information to my sister, ruining her childhood as well as mine.
- I once built a portable hacking machine that performed a man in the middle attack
- Myself and my friend invented a country called Alyamania complete with a dictionary and own national anthem.
- I have a dog, 2 cats and a snake, although they don't seem to get on very well.
- I used to watch little cook big cook with my mum and we would make meals together.
- I used to keep two separate diaries, one for centuries and one for merit, as a result I was never put in a detention.
- I am planning on building a vivarium for my snake with two watch out towers connected by a bridge.
- I created a meme yesterday that got 5.0k views.
- I once had a asthma attack whilst running as a replacement, followed by the next day I slammed my hand in a door and my dad locked the car before. The nurses asked my dad if we were seeing any social workers.
- I once got knocked over my Borris Johnson
- I tried research chemicals and couldn't walk for 2 weeks.
- My dad has driven over my toes with his car because "i was being slow".
- I once stopped a guy from falling down an elevator.
- I participated in NCS
- I got Alcohol poisoning the first night I went out drinking and woke up to my two parents either side of me. I needed holding still by my dad so I could go for a pee. The ride home felt like a rollercoaster from hell.
- My parents met each other at Mc Donald's
- I once attempted to fix a go kart's missing axel with sellotape.
- My sister and I created a non-functional Rollar Coaster ride in which we put up a bunch of strings and attached a cardboard box.
- I had severe depression and suicidal thoughts at university. My friends would knock on my door every day and come into my room and sit down.
- Every time my dad left the room, I'm load up Minecraft instead of studying for my GCSE exams.
- I once went scuba diving in an indoor swimming pool.
- I hid in my sisters room more than 20 times in order to jump out at her.
- I attempted DOFE but was left behind by my group, and told them to "go on without me". I later sheepishly dobbed my team in for leaving me in the middle of no where.
- I once won an iPod nano in a raffle after explicitly telling my parents I didn't want to go.
- I used to create PayPal accounts when I was younger and created a new account each time my current account was maxed out.
- Whilst waiting for the meals to come in a restaurant, I'd often play square/dots with my mother.
- I changed my mind on the course I'm studying and switched from Computer Science to Psychology (not confirmed).
- In primary school a gender haired kid called Louis asked me if i knew why we had ball sacks, then promptly told me it was to keep your dick up as you pee.
- When I had nightmares I'd go and sleep in my parents room.
- I had an irrational fear of the dark
- I once stopped talking to a girl for a whole summer holiday because she was distracting me from playing CSGO.
- In my first Minecraft world I built a castle with some friends. The stairs kept catching on fire, my friend told me that happens sometimes. Years later he came forward telling me that HE was the one setting the stairs on fire.
- I have over 2000 hours in the game CSGO.
- I was a prefect at my middle school but took into school a badge that said "perfect" from hawking bazar, and got demoted of my prefect badge.
- I once did a whole project on golden crested newts found in my garden, my project got an A.
- During our short film "What if apple never existed", we recruited the theatre lighting guy who set us all up with explosives. The explosive was understandably extremely underwhelming.
- I once had to call an ambulance for my nanny after she started having a fit.
- We once had a house abroad that was infected by 1000s of ants, we could see them marching under the door.
- My sister was born 3 months early.
- I have never been to a funeral.
- I participated in the cult, the beavers for a short while.
- My parents taught me to gamble at a mere age of 14.
- The best burrito I had I bought in kingston which contained chips.
- I have a lot of ideas but never do anything with them.
- I once found a small snake in a car park, and after being told to let it go by my parents I secretly gave it a kiss.
- We found a bird with a broken wing, we attempted to make it a sling before it's unfortunate death. We wrote the bird a tomb stone with chalk.
- A long time ago I used to have a friend called SkyLordWolfMan, my parents would constantly make fun of the fact I was saying that name for a whole summer.
- I've played piano at both my aunties and music teacher's house
- When I put my hand up in class when my dad was a teacher my dad would always pretend he couldn't see my hand.
- I stayed at school almost every day for my whole high school experience as my dad had to finish off some "late work". It's strange but his work must have involved beer because I could always smell it.
- I once went up to a teacher called Mrs. Jelly, and said "are you feeling wobbly today", fortunately she didn't hear.
- I was once hit in the balls after trying to help with a coconut game.
- I once took a orange cartoon full of vodka into the uni library in order to prepare myself for a presentation. As it turns out I was 1/2 an hour late for the presentation and it had already finished.
- I childishly made mock flamethrowers using a deodorant can and a lighter on multiple occasions at university.
- My first band was Clean Bandit, the clean bandit before they went mainstream.
- When I was younger my parents took myself and my friend to a concert, we both awkwardly stood there without moving for 5 hours, the woman on my left kept nudging me with her elbow, which really hurt.
- My grandad used to be a grand master chess player until his recent departure about a decade ago. I never actually met him, so found it hard to cry with my mother when she was mourning him.
- I used to read Captain Underpants and Alex Skyrider as a kid.
- I once came home with two odd shoes, we spotted it on our way to a restaurant, and the people behind us started laughing.
- On one Geography field trip instead of doing my coursework, I found a bug that allowed me to message all the other workstations on the network. People found it VERY annoying.
- I was once auctioned off to the school for charity.
- I once participated in a band performance where I couldn't feel my fingers.
- When I was younger I had a business venture in which I decided I would rent out a whole
- I had this brief period in my teenage years where I was addicted to making puns.
- My cousin once fell in the pond as she mistook the sea weed for grass.
- I used to run a web show with my sister and her friend where we made a shot for shot budget rip-off of I-Carly
- I once made myself sick as a kid to get out of doing an exam
- I'm a recovering 9gagaholic, this one I'm really ashamed of.
- I once left my phone recording my food whilst telling my flatmates not to steal any. I came back to a video of my flatmate sheepishly deciding over which piece of chicken to take whilst my other flatmate stood still
- One halloween I dressed up as the Cliche Slender man.
- I once had a full blown panic attack whilst in an interview at Maplins, needless to say it didn't go too well. As it turns out this shop has just gone out of business, it's a shame because visiting was my favourite place to go other than Mc Donald.
- I used to have a paper round, but instead of walking, my dad drove me around each street like the lazy fucker I am.
- The first time I played Minecraft I was sent into the nether by my classmates, following this, they broke the portal leaving me stranded in the hell world. I ended up not playing the game again for about a year later.
- I've been to Bletchley park 7 times.
- I've had upwards of 8 quad copters but broke each one.
- My last quadcopter's death was as a result of me demonstrating to my friend how you would lose control of it.
- I used to have this really cool robot that could do back flips. My dad took it into work to show everyone and broke it. When we went back to the shop instead of getting the same toy, they told us that the toy had been discontinued and we would only get a cash refund (resulting in me getting no Christmas present for that year)
- When asked to draw a picture of myself in primary school I added my sister into the drawing
- My earliest memory is driving around the french alps listening to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles.
- My dad once introduced my mum to a pyramid scheme.
- At the end of a night of clubbing, a lad helped me take my friend back to the flat, then lectured both of us 3 hours on joining his pyramid scheme.
- A girl in my university dorm got upset with me for writing her name on the birthday list. She scribbled her name out and later that day someone else came along and wrote it back on the wall.
- I once fell off a tree and hit my head, could not move for 5 minutes. Felt different ever since.
- My piano teacher gave up on me because I wouldn't listen to anything she was saying.
- I used to ran a Minecraft server in which I'd get donations for in-game ranks.
- I once came up with a plan to infect the internet's VPS servers with viruses.
- When I was younger, my PC was remotely accessed by a hacker, during a session of Minecraft. After sending me attempts to
- I enrolled in a french class and managed to learn a staggering 5 words in french, including bonjour.
- My flatmate once nearly burnt the house down cooking bacon.
- My mum brings coffee up to my room in the morning.
- I wake up to my dog licking my face every other day.
- My mum once came in a snow ball rolling down the hill
- I used to think using XD was the trendiest thing in the world.
- My family and I used to play Wii Party almost every night
- I made a game for the people at my school in which you had to avoid teachers and get to a checkpoint.
- I dream of going sky diving and visiting India in the future.
- For a short period I thought I had autism
- For a short period I wore glasses because I purposely blurred my eyes, I wanted to see what it was like.
- I've got almost perfect 20/20 vision
- When I was younger I had a whole month of depressive mood after coming to the conclusion that someday, my parents will die. Going through Existential nihilism is tough when you're a 10 year old kid.
- My favourite movie is Ex Machina.
- When I was younger I got offered a job at Maplins, only to have my application denied half a decade later.
- I once made a quiz about my home country, Guyana for my class.
- Our project in middle school was to create a wooden frame and do a puppet show for the lower school kids. I spoke to my partner and she said I could keep it in 2 years, she never got back to me.
- I used to host a spy club named SpyG with some close family friends and sister. SpyG was short for "Spy Grownups" as we'd both plant recording devices to listen to what they were saying and taught "potions" classes, which consisted of mixing a bunch of household cleaning products. Inspiring!
- I once stopped someone in a corridor and started singing "stop stop, being so hard on your self" in an incredibly camp and dramatic sounding way.
- My first music event at school was a Beatles concert, my dad had setup.
- We had guinea pigs until a day where I forgot to bring them back inside and they went missing.
- My cat once brought in a dead mouse, and kindly left it in my shoe for me to explore in the morning.
- I bullied my sister into letting me take the cuter kitten, only to find my kitten hated humans.
- My middle school teacher once started a rant about how "you probably all think I'm a terrible teacher". I said yes under my breathe and was sent out immediately.
- We had a latin teacher who told us to go speak with his elevator, Elma when we did something wrong. Additionally he frequently sent his students to "Siberia", which in actuality was just a cold part of the corridor outside the class room.
- I once skipped a GCSE exam to edit my band's auditions.
- I once cried at the breakfast table in front of my parents because the comedown was so bad.
- For a few hours I was a professional DJ.
- I once kept a tech support scammer on the line for a total of three hours during my GCSE exam week.
- I'm able to hold my breathe for a total of 3 minutes.
- I don't have a favourite colour
- I have always and will continue to take the explosion papers out of the Christmas crackers before anyone can get to the table.
- I had a brief period where I would only use words that an 8 can be added onto, such as m8, r8, gr8, f8. One of my Christmas presents was titled "get rekt m8", this bring back many cringe-worthy memories.
- I once electrocuted my room's door handle using a piece of foil, a wire and a shock pen from Chessington world of adventures.
- I wasn't socially aware up until a few years ago.
- I remember one Christmas my parents bought me a tooth brush which came along with a space man video game on a disc. I thought it was the best thing in the world.
- I predicted trump would be the president a few months before he was announced. I shortly did the same with Brexxit.
- My auntie voted out of the EU, because she just "wanted to see if she could do it".
- A silhouette of me peeing was once seen by my family who were waiting in the car. When I came back they were all laughing at me.
- I once excitedly asked my parents if I could unlock the door whilst on holiday only to have the key break in half in the lock. sad!
- On the first day of university I broke down crying in front of my new pal outside on the balcony about how shit I thought university was going to be.
- My mum accidentally mentioned Adolf hitler at a jewish get together, and everyone fell silent.
- I started my second school without any friends and finished it without any friends.
- I once had a psychotic dream that the cleaners at my uni were planning on killing me outside my room.
- When I was younger, I wrote a story ending with the line "and it was all a dream", the teacher was not impressed
- When my dad was at uni he played a prank on his flatmates in which himself and his friends use
- My dad used to have an afro.
- When I was younger I was sat in my friends car with his mum. For some reason she then decided to tell my friend that
- I did 99% of my homework in the 5 minute change between two classes
- I once made a joke ripping on a weighty dude saying "don't give it to him he'll eat them all" about a bag of Christmas sweets.
- I had a phone but no sim card for the majority of my life time.
- One time I woke up to a hangover and ended up buying 20+ paintball tickets to boost my mood.
- My dad was constantly labelled as officially cooler than me at my middle school
- My mum begged me to watch The Matrix, after viewing she said it wasn't very good.
- There was a teacher at my last school who taught German and hated me to much he told a whole other class my grade in an attempt to inspire them.
- We once stole our neighbours blow up snow man and left them a ransom note, the kids were not happy!
- I've never had a girl/boyfriend
- We hid a hidden camcorder between the two fridges at my uni because someone kept stealing food.
- I almost once drowned at sea, fortunately my new french friend carried me back to the sure.
- I have a Soundcloud track with 25,000 plays
- During my primary school days, I invited a girl callled Georgia over to play on the Wii with me. I ended up leaving her to play club penguin with my friends, she spent the rest of the time playing Wii Sports with my mother.
- My favourite show growing up was fairly odd parents.
- Growing up I used to own a Tamagotchi and a PDA (which was very recent at the time)
- I can't have been older than 10 when one day, I decided I would show my uncle a subliminal video in an attempt to subliminally message him into quitting cigarettes. He still smokes cigarettes to this day.
- A teacher at my school once asked if we could go to a red light district on a school trip.
- I used to own a very poor quality Facebook group
- A few days ago I had a dream that I was being sucked out of my body into the after life.
- I was once in my towns local news paper for playing the piano at Ronnie Scotts, despite my performance being terrible.
- I was once the only participant in a school trip, it was plastered with long awkward pauses
- I'd give people climbing lessons and tell them what "rank" they were.
- My child hood memories are all off playing crocodile clips on windows 98
- I knew about Apple wireless ear buds a few months before it was released as I was doing work experience at Artemis, a investment funds manager.
- My teacher constantly called me a hypocrite and when I asked what she meant she said look it up.
- I got a reply from 3kliksphilip on one of my videos
- I once caught a guy stealing usernames and passwords using a phishing site, and he got taken into custody. I was invited to a Code breaking event but turned it down.
- I once setup the school theatre to play Super Mario bros 3 on the big screen.
- I was once described as "shady, but in a wholesome way"
submitted by JakeN9 to casualiama [link] [comments]

Infil Team SpiritZero Post-CC Interview Bits

Status: Finished/maxed out, but covered 90% of what they said. The rest is eating, talking about random stuff and questions, talking about 2017 premier tourney schedules, and potentially more sensitive stuff.
Trying not to name names and focusing on what they said tourney-wise and character-wise so that no parties have a reason to blow up or stop doing interviews. Also you'll see a lot of emphatic phrasing (very, extremely) - this is just a linguistic thing in Korean, don't take it seriously. EDIT: Please notify me if you are planning on using/paraphrasing this translation.
All credits go to https://www.twitch.tv/team_spiritzero and https://twitter.com/INFILTRATION85
What he did after CC
On Mika
S1 Tier List
EVO period
SFV Crash
ESL
Dubai
On Eita
SEAM
Canada Cup
On S2 changes
On Western Audiences
Asia Last Chance Quals + Rashid stuff + Chun-Nash stuff
Asia Finals, Mago vs MOV, etc
--Second Half--
On the CPT season
Pre-CC
Capcom Cup Brackets
On Capcom Cup + bracket results (him, Tokido, etc)
Capcom's approach
On Nuckledu + Guile
On Ricki
Season 2 (this was before seeing the patch notes)
More on Akuma (this part is pretty fuzzy because I'm not used to Korean FG terminology)
Survival Mode
Back to S2
--Third Part (make it stop)--
On Marvel vs Capcom: Infinite
Other Stuff
SF 30th Anniversary
More Other Stuff
On requests asking for Infiltration to do gaming shows/streams
submitted by genericremix to Kappa [link] [comments]

Bhop Macro (Hold Space) Autohotkey New CSGO Betting Sites + Ref Codes!!! CSGO How to Bind Space and Mouse Wheel to Jump CSGO-Bhop command

Csgo bind spam chat Csgo Nade bei Amazon . Sportartikel zu Bestpreisen. Kostenlose Lieferung möglic We were betting on it today and I won a pot of like $69 or something like that, so it was a pretty small pot, but it was like the coolest feeling ever. I ended up following them on Twitter and stuff, and they hit me up and they're talking to If creating space and taking initial contact with the enemy team was all you needed then dupreeh would be one of the first you’d want on your team. He’s not afraid to make plays and create openings. Role: Rifler (entry fragger), AWPer. Top 3 Major achievements in CSGO. 1st place Intel Extreme Masters XIII - Katowice Major 2019 Hey, I'm really getting tired of CSGOLounge, especially the waiting times, not being able to bet, buggy site etc. Also I don't really like the idea to bet skins, I'd much rather just bet straight up money, are there any (most importantly reliable) alternatives? I know some countries have betting on CSGO matches already, but mine doesn't. Currently, there are many betting sites offering betting odds on CSGO leagues and tournaments. In addition to this, they make several options available. These include live betting, outright betting, and pre-match betting. Along with skin betting, you can also use e-wallets, cryptocurrencies, and credit cards. CSGO Jump Bind Copy and paste this code in to your autoexec.cfg file in your Steam\steamapps\common\Counter Strike: Global Offensive\csgo\cfg\ folder bind space +jump bind n -attack hold your grenade out (hold left click) then hit spacebar and n at the same time and its an easy, consistent jumpthrow with no alias involved so its allowed in any

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Bhop Macro (Hold Space) Autohotkey

cs go update, cs go edit, cs go ace, cs go aim, cs go ak sound, rush b cs go, gob b cs 1.6, cs go mirage b smokes, cs go inferno b smokes, cs go dust 2 b rush, cs go dust 2 b hold, csgo commands ... bind mwheelup +jump It's important to bind jump to mouse wheel up or down especially for bunny hopping. Amazon links: AT2020 usb +: https://amzn.to/2Rh3P6n m... sin ningun riesgo de baneo, no es auto bunny this is not a cheat, this is not autobunny. this is just a macro which spams space quite fast, making u dont fail any jump, thats all. sv_cheats 1 sv_enablebunnyhopping 1 sv_autobunnyhopping 1 HOLD SPACE AND JUMP AROUND.